Religious OCD

[MiniP]

Hello all. Hoping to connect and find hope and comfort with similar people.
My story:
I had a nervous breakdown for the first time in April. I just experienced the death of a close family member and my own health scares prior to that. I started to experience panic attacks, insomnia, and depression. I felt like I was dying. Every trip to the ER ended up with the same diagnosis. "Anxiety disorder" ... I started having obsessive thoughts of harming myself or my family. Obsessive thoughts about my health. I couldn't eat or sleep as I was constantly thinking about these horrible thoughts. I decided to see a phyco therapist about my depression and anxiety. It has helped some. However, I didn't know I had ocd until reading about it online. It wasn't until my obsessive thoughts took a turn for the worst and started to focus on God I was reading the bible one day and the thought "what if God and the bible is not real?" That sent me into a panic attack. How dare I question God? I've always been firm in my faith and devoted to him. This thoughts sent me into a deeper depression. I was able to ignore this thought and stick to my guns and in what I believe and stand for. However, that thought just turned into more and more questioning and doubting thoughts. It's is a total nightmare. I feel so far from him. Going to church and reading the bible makes me feel so anxious now. Every preaching or bible verse gets twisted out of context yet I still seek him and obey him even though I feel so much fear. Sometimes it makes me think if I'm still a Christian but then again if I wasn't then I wouldn't be so bothered by my thoughts but instead I argue with them. It's so exhausting. I just want this to be over and I want to feel The Lord again and be a confident woman of God. I don't want to think these things anymore but that's seems impossible. I'm trying to practice some ocd methods that I have read to not engage in ruminating or entertaining the thoughts. Sometimes it's so hard though. Has anyone been through this and successfully overcome and felt The Lord again? I miss him so much.

 

[Christian-Catholic]

Mini I recently got hit with those types of thoughts again after being well from them for a long time after the death of my Dad, but I remember a Christian site I was visiting once that helped me deal with this and the advice is very simple.

The bible even says that when it comes to your faith to not trust your feelings because they can be used against you. Faith isn't about feelings my friend. Faith is trust in Christ.
I struggle on and off with the same OCD theme and this advice helped to put my Faith in perspective.
Rememebr you are not your feelings, you are so much more, and Christ is not your feelings he is way above them and he will conquer them.

And yes I went through it and if you check my old posts you will see that I went through it in the worst way, and you know what? I got through it, and I guarantee that you will not only get through this but as unbelievable as it may seem, your faith will be a million times more then its ever been.

Trust me on this my friend
One day you will remember these words and on that day you will rejoice in the Lord on a level like you never knew before

Hope this helps a bit
If you need to chat just send me a pm ok?
Your brother in Christ

 

[Christian-Catholic]

I don't want to think these things anymore but that's seems impossible. I'm trying to practice some ocd methods that I have read to not engage in ruminating or entertaining the thoughts. Sometimes it's so hard though. Has anyone been through this and successfully overcome and felt The Lord again? I miss him so much.

My apologies my friend I didn't read about the nervous breakdown. that is exactly how this happened to me the first time.

As far as how to handle these thoughts, ignoring the thoughts isn't the answer and engaging in the thoughts is not the answer.

You must find that happy medium where you recognize that the thoughts are there but at the same time to recognize that the thoughts aren't you.

Ok heres an exercise u can do.

pretend your on a beautiful white boat and its sailing downstream on a very calm and peaceful river.

On your boat you have words painted on it that say "Faith, Love, Christ, Christ is here and he always loves you"

there is a second boat in the distance and it says "Faithless, hopeless, dark"
You see the words and they make you panic a little, but you start to understand that this boat isn't your boat and you let it peacefully pass you by as it disappears past you downstream and you are clear sailing with your beautiful boat understanding that the boat and all the words on it belong to you, AND NOTHING CAN TAKE YOUR BOAT AWAY FROM YOU.

Try practicing this once a day or once a week, whatever you can handle without too much stress.

Like I said, my pm box is open. I know what you are going through with this type of OCD.

God bless and don't worry
one day you will be able to look back at this day and laugh

 

[jcguess78]

A definitive yes. I have been where you are and far worse. For years I believed I had committed the unpardonable sin even though I was a true Christian and still am. Little did I know I had what's called Pure OCD and Scrupulosity. This form of OCD attacks what you love most. In your case, as well as mine, it attacks your love and faith in God and your love for your family. Look up on Google, "Grantley Morris Scrupulosity", it will help you. The Lord has not left nor forsaken you. You are saved by God's grace alone through faith alone in Christ alone. I know it's scary right now but God has something special in store for you. He will work this for your good and His glory. 😊 smile The Lord is with you.

 

[jcguess78]

The link will say "salvation worry" on net-burst.

 

[MiniP]

Christian - Catholic

I tried to send you a private message. Not sure if it went through. I'm a newbie.

 

[MiniP]

Jcguess
Thank you so much for your kind word of encouragement. I'm happy I found this forum and more people with similar issues. I have tried to speak to my family about this but it's hard because they never been through this. It's feels good to come here and be open. Thanks again and God bless!

 

[Christian-Catholic]

Christian - Catholic

I tried to send you a private message. Not sure if it went through. I'm a newbie.

hey MiniP, all I got was a friendship request.
I sent you a private message, if you didn't get it ill just give u one of my alternate emails and post it on here
Don't worry my friend you will be ok and remember this, regardless of what your ocd says, God will never let go of you and you will always be saved

 

[MiniP]

I got it and I tried to reply but it said I have to have 15 posts in order to send a PM. This is what I wrote:

Hi! Thanks for writing! I guess my message did not go through. I just wanted to thank you for your response. The boat analogy was amazing and I will begin to use it. I really can't wait for the day to be able to have control of this vicious mental war. I honestly didn't know I had ocd until I stumbled upon a YouTube video from Mitzi. I then read her book and it was like I wrote it myself. I've been dealing with all types of obsessive thoughts since my mother in law passed away and I couldn't explain what was happening as this is something new. I kept having images of her and of certain things that happened in her death process. Then I started to feel sick and that when I started to obsess over my own health. But as I mentioned, it wasn't until I started to have those questioning thoughts towards God that really sucked me into a deep depression. Thoughts questioning his existence and even his love and it pretty much destroyed me. I know that I truly, madly and deeply believe in him. Otherwise these thoughts wouldn't torment me. As you mentioned, I can't wait for the day where I can just laugh about this. Putting some of Mitzi's methods to practice have helped but I still have really bad days where I wake up to the thoughts already churning in my head. That is the worst way to wake up. I just really miss feeling him and my confidence in him. Can you tell me a bit about your story?

 

[SarahsKnight]

MiniP, it would seem all of us here who have responded have been through the same things you are going through now, perhaps even to the letter. From your description of your situation it seems you even go through the same endless circle of worry and then rationalizing either for or against only to have a new worrisome thought or question pop up that I went through. This kind of OCD sucks. It really does, I know. It is downright torturous. But I know ... I CLING DESPERATELY to the belief that God is not the kind of God who is actually doing this to you or wants you to go through this because He hates you or some cruel notion like that. Why would He no longer love you if you fight this hard and care this much?

All I can tell you is this. I will try to remember you in my prayers and thoughts for this, at least until you report that you are doing much better, which I pray you do soon. But again, I am very certain this is nothing more than a mere trick of the human fragile mind thay you are having to sort out right now that actually a lot more human beings go through than you'd think, so you are not alone.

If you'd like for me to tell you my personal story of religious OCD (anything if you think it will help you feel better just to know the empathy), I would be glad to do so by pm later on. Just ask.

 

[gracealone]

Hey MiniP, So glad to see you found this forum. Good people on here who get what you are going through. Listen to Christian Catholic... he's going to be such an encouragement to you! Hugs! Mitzi

 

[Christian-Catholic]

I got it and I tried to reply but it said I have to have 15 posts in order to send a PM. This is what I wrote:

Hi! Thanks for writing! I guess my message did not go through. I just wanted to thank you for your response. The boat analogy was amazing and I will begin to use it. I really can't wait for the day to be able to have control of this vicious mental war. I honestly didn't know I had ocd until I stumbled upon a YouTube video from Mitzi. I then read her book and it was like I wrote it myself. I've been dealing with all types of obsessive thoughts since my mother in law passed away and I couldn't explain what was happening as this is something new. I kept having images of her and of certain things that happened in her death process. Then I started to feel sick and that when I started to obsess over my own health. But as I mentioned, it wasn't until I started to have those questioning thoughts towards God that really sucked me into a deep depression. Thoughts questioning his existence and even his love and it pretty much destroyed me. I know that I truly, madly and deeply believe in him. Otherwise these thoughts wouldn't torment me. As you mentioned, I can't wait for the day where I can just laugh about this. Putting some of Mitzi's methods to practice have helped but I still have really bad days where I wake up to the thoughts already churning in my head. That is the worst way to wake up. I just really miss feeling him and my confidence in him. Can you tell me a bit about your story?

Your very welcome MiniP, and it sounds like a very stressfull situation triggered these thoughts with you just as they did with me. I was under a tremendous amount of stress because I was helping a bunch of friends of mine through some very horrible situations they were in physically, emotionally and financially and I love my friends so much that I would lay it all on the line for them to make sure they were ok.

It was around this time that these thoughts hit, and when they hit they were beyond horrible. The ocd thoughts hit what I Love most and that is Christ.

At first it was a complete loss of feeling that Christ was here in my prayers and thoughts, then tormenting thoughts that would say God doesn't exist, Christ didn't die on the cross because he doesn't exist and there is no salvation, only nothingness and non existence, the thoughts were tormenting me 24/7 and the stress was so bad I had to spend 7 hours a day soaking in my tub to try to calm the stress pains down all over my Body. At this point I wanted to commit suicide because a world without Christ and his redeeming Love wasn't a place I wanted to live in.

you can check all my old posts if you want, it was really that bad. that was when I met some amazing people on here, Mitzi was the one who really helped to get me centered and helped me to realize that I really didn't believe these thoughts and it was my OCD acting up.

I didn't know I had OCD or what it was but I certainly had it because I was having these perverse sexual thoughts of angels and stuff during church that would literally make me cry if I wasn't in church, as stress from my friends situations got worse my situation got worse, but Mitzi and a few other friends were a really great help.

I also found an incredible therapist who was Christian based that was a tremendous help to me. I never really got to thank him for his help because he moved to another facility.

My Mom also had a massive stroke 2.5 years ago and that made things worse for a while, and my best friend my dad passed away this month and I felt the thoughts coming back and the usual stomach stress pains, but this time I managed not to allow it to overtake me, and that is huge progress.

The OCD is almost always triggered by a stress event. You mentioned u had a nervous breakdown. this was exactly what happened to me the first time I experienced these thoughts, and with OCD the alarm trigger that usually only goes on during fight or flight situations is malfunctioning and is always turned on.

Some of the greatest saints ion Christian history went through it.
Read through this link and tell me if that doesn't hit home with you?
This is the story of the great preacher John Bunyan

https://suite.io/kenneth-burchfiel/21pq2p0

 

[Christian-Catholic]

Hey MiniP, So glad to see you found this forum. Good people on here who get what you are going through. Listen to Christian Catholic... he's going to be such an encouragement to you! Hugs! Mitzi

Mitzi, Thanks but your the one who taught me how to recognize this and deal with it
You are a true blessing to this forum and your truly doing the Lord's work here on earth by being there for others. How are things going with you and yours?
CC

 

[JesusThisWay]

Well, according to history, Jesus is pretty real. We base our historic knowledge on human written testimony of every historic person we recognize as being historic. For example: We recognize Homer as an historic character based on 649 fragments of documents. Homer was the second most document historic character in history. Because of that documentation we also believe he wrote the book "The Odyssey". Well it doesn't fair very well for all other historic characters like the Caesars, Plato, Socrates, in fact all other historic characters have less than (I Believe) 30 manuscript testimonies about them.

Now ordinarily you would think that bad new for Jesus, right? Well not actually. Jesus has 24,000 written testimonial fragments written about Him, His life, His Birth, His Healing, and His [FONT=&quot]ascension[/FONT], and His Resurrection. In fact, If we took all fragments and documents of antiquity and put them all together, they don't come close to the collection of documentation written by his contemporaries. That makes Jesus Christ the Most documented FACT of all antiquity.

That addresses the Realism of Christ.
I'll put something together for the realism of the bible for you soon.

Have a good night sleep.

I'm long winded. I admit. This is a post I sent Glorious. Maybe it will help you understand OCD a little better.

Mini here is a post I sent Glorious, Its to help you understand how Tormenting thoughts errupt in your mind.

Hey Glorious,

call me anytime. If I can't talk, I'll call you back when I can talk. So don't be concerned with that.

I understand that you're concerned about putting your thoughts to text. If you want to, feel free to do that. But truthfully for the sake of your discomfort, it's really not necessary.

First, I'd like you to consider this! The tormenting thought, regardless of how it presents itself, whether it’s a question, or a consent, or demand, is irrelevant. It's an unwanted thought.

Also, the subject details of the tormenting thought are irrelevant: meaning is it about blaspheme, murder, graphic descriptions, bloody, and mutilation, sex, take your pick. They are all unwanted and tormenting, and the subject details are irrelevant. It's an unwanted thought.

You may ask yourself why are these details irrelevant? The thing about intrusive thoughts is that its an upsetting thought and is unwanted. And although the thought itself is tormenting, the real concern is what's causing it.

Tormenting thoughts come in many forms (The forms are scary, but irrelevant). For me, torment was horrible thoughts of grotesquely killing people that I loved, and I was unable to dismiss (or turn off) those thoughts. The disease I suffered with is known as Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD).

In this book, I will be using my own experiences to make this subject more understandable to those who suffer with thoughts that bring about torment. Let us look at the normal person who does not suffer with mental illness, and then we will look at a case like mine, to see how mental illness effects the brain.

People who do not suffer with mental illness may have a variety of disturbing thoughts. For example: depressing, and violent thoughts, sexual debauchery, violent foul language, or thoughts of suicide, and whatever other types of thoughts a human being can experience. Since a thought can range from the most holy, such as the fruits of the spirit, to the most vile, such as vile murderous acts, vile sexual acts, depressing thoughts, thoughts of suicide, or vile temptations against God or Christ, the reader must realize they are all, simply thoughts, and all people experience horrible grotesque thoughts. In fact we make horror movies about these thoughts. And yet the person who dreams these movies up, do not suffer with torment.

The range of thought within the human experience is truly quite infinite.

Therefore, since human beings experience this wide range of thought from the most holy to the most devilish, the question should be asked, is the thought the problem, or is there some underlying issue?
For our example, consider a normal person having a thought in which he or she experiences an EVIL thought such as the ones similar to the thoughts that torment you. The thought process begins in the brain, and passes through the brain’s mental circuitry, which in this case includes a normal mental chemistry.

The brain's circuitry is made of strings of neuron paths that have gaps in them called synapse gaps. As the thought travels along the neuron paths, the thought approaches the synapse gap. The neuron recognizes the brain sending a thought along its path, and the neuron communicates with the synapse gap to create a bridge to allow the thought to cross the bridge. The bridge is a chemical bridge made of serotonin. Once the thought crosses the bridge the synapse gap tells the neuron that it is shutting down its bridge.

As the thought passes through all of these bridges the thought is being processed whether for good or evil. Once the thought has completed all of its processes it is presented to the brain for the brain to logically, emotionally, reasonably, and spiritually, rationalize as to either carrying out the thought or dismissing it. In this case the evil thought being processed, has gone through all the processes. Now, the individual using his or her freewill, moral compass, sound mind, logic and reason determine, “Hey, this thought is no good. Dismiss the thought as a non-sense thought!” The brain does just that! Then the normal person moves on as though the thought never occurred.

In the brain of a person who has OCD the synapse gap does not respond to the communication from the neuron, and therefore the bridge to cross the synapse does not get built. The result is that the evil thought cannot pass to receive all the processing procedures, and instead is presented to the brain to evaluate for dismissal over-and-over again. So, although the brain wants to dismiss the thought it cannot, because it stuck. The brain continues to rationalize the thought but cannot dismiss it until the chemistry (the serotonin) completes the bridge. The result is a thought stuck in your brain until your chemistry clears.

 

[JesusThisWay]

Oopsy! Hi guys! Hey while I'm Here I thought I'd say God loves you...

 

[hutch1cor1013]

God loves you more than you can ever imagine. He is of grace, and perfect love. Nothing we do could ever separate us from God's Love. He, you, me, and others unconditionally, so much that He sent His Son murdered on the cross, just for an opportunity to enjoy a daily intimate love relationship with you and me on earth, and eternally with Him in Heaven.

Before time began, before God created you and me, before He created the heavens and earths, God knew every mistake each of us would make - every day of our lives. He knew all of our frailties, all our sins, all our bad and evil thoughts - everything. Nothing we would do on this earth would every catch God by surprise - since He is all-knowing, and also because He created us. In spite of everything that is bad about us, God still chose His perfect Son to die on the cross, because He loves you so much. Nothing can ever separate the love of God from His children. (Romans 8:31-41). Nothing.

If you are a parent, wouldn't you still love your child in spite of his or her mischief? You would probably be angry or frustrated at the child for a while, but you would still love Him the same. Right? Well that is the same for God - who is a perfect father. Just read the Prodigal Son story (Luke 15:11-32)

God knows your heart better than you. He knows your fears and worries. He knows when you want to do the right thing and when you don't. When you pray to God, it says in Romans 8:26-27, that the Holy Spirit who is inside every Christian, "prays for us with groaning that cannot be expressed in words. And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God's own will." In essence, when you are afraid of being misunderstood by God, you have the Holy Spirit inside you, speaking in your behalf, to the Father.

No one is perfect; not one. All our sins have been washed away, thanks to the Cross. God does at times disciplines His children, but it is out of love, as we are His workmanship, who will never be perfect until heaven. God understands that as He again knows all things.

As a person who also has struggled witha scrupulosity (religious OCD), I know it is probably often scary and unsettling for you to experience obsessions of that "God will get you" if you do this, don't do that, or think like this. What has helped me, is that when I experience the scruples, I continually replace the fears with the Truths of God's grace, described above.

In Matthew 4, every time Satan tempted Jesus to believe in Satan's lies, Jesus always, said, "The Scriptures say", and then quoted God's truths. This gave Jesus freedom from Satan.

When fear and OCD tries to get you down, also remember truths like 1 Corinthians 10:13, Deuteronomy 31:6, Jeremiah 29:11-13, and Psalms 34:17-20. Trust in God's promises and truths is the way to overcome lies that tempt to haunt you. God bless you, my friend!