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justjan said:As a Christian we are supposed to live upright and holy lives. We are to avoid even the appearance of impropriety.
oreos said:californiadreamin, thanks. I have been considering that and I will remain a friend with her till then.
I understand where you are coming from. Not wishing to be contrary but to put it in brief, no where does the Bible say that. Rather, that comes from an oft-misunderstood Bible quote.
As for frontal lobe development coming later, I think that's not so much the main issue as is the scientific dubiosity that long term decisions come together with it. Please feel free to cite that article by the way as I have read a slightly different variant of that.
Lastly, as to assuming that this is all about what I want, this is not so. This is something that will be unresolved as to determining the integrity of a person's character. It is absurd when a person claims to the rights of judging another person, and for the commonsensical reasons that only God knows what is in our hearts and mind, so it would be going out on a limb there to claim to have perfect knowledge like God of someone's motives, actions and personality.
oreos said:I am likely to say the same of continuing this unfruitful discussion with one person, particularly when I have been patient enough to hear one's points out.
Come down to it, majority isn't an indicator of what's right and wrong but the Bible is and what one's conscience says is.
It is especially interesting to note that when one's points have failed to stand reasonably, one resorts to labelling people all sorts of things and passing blanket statements on things and others such as myself.
Anyhow, I thank those relatively few for their constructive inputs.
Croc said:If you live in Canada then her age is perfectly legal so you have no worries there.
Croc said:Well I am sure about it. Unless the laws have changed since the other day.
If you have any new info please provide it !
Look you'r 24. That means your girlfriend is what 14? If I found some 24 year old sniffin my 14 year old daughters leg, I'd send him packin. Whats wrong with women your own age? If I knew who she was I'd tell her dad.oreos said:Hi,
I am twenty four and I am falling for a girl who is ten years younger than me. I am wondering if the Bible has anything to say regarding the issue of love, and specifically that between two people of a ten-year age gap.
After much thought and discussion with a few people, I seem to get the general idea that there are many people who would frown upon a relationship with such an age gap, because of the general distrust and suspicions that one would have of the older person and his intentions in such a relationship.
Having said that, I can sufficiently say that my intentions are that of someone who is on the verge of falling for her (and perhaps quite so already on the way down the valley of love).
Are there any other things that I should be concerned with with regards to considering the possibility of such a relationship?
One question I've been asked frequently is what do I see in her. I've often find it hard to describe the things about a girl that makes me love her. But I think partially it helps that we share similar outlooks in life, and opinions on core issues, such as religion. Also, she's incredibly bright and witty, and we understand each other's nuances. And she has that desire and interest to know a little bit about everything, much like myself.
If anything, I am more knowledgeable on how I feel about her. And that is, I would want to get to know her as much as I can even more, wanting to take care of her and be there for her when she is down and out. Be there to guide her if I feel she might be going down the wrong road. Revel in that emotional closeness, where we can share our ups and downs with each other. To give in to her if she should have flaws and try and compensate for those flaws by being more understanding.
Some people have said that the difference in maturity would be an obstacle and I understand how that's true with regards to coping with say, relationship arguments.
Apart from that, it is hard for me to see how someone from a similar maturity level, having experienced similar things would attract me more. I do not feel more attracted to a person more just because they have went to college, or because they went thru similar harrowing experiences as I did.
Firstly because I personally feel that similarity in experiences do not necessarily result in the same mature, wise choices, or in other words do not bring about wisdom in everybody. I've known older people who are rather foolish and younger people who continually surprise me with their pearls of wisdom that we've been blinded to.
Secondly I think for me and for others, it might be a misguided notion to say that maturity is an attractive factor. For me, it's the personality and belief systems that attracts me.
I may be wrong but I believe where maturity fails, it is our belief systems that comes to our rescue. In that sense, I feel that maturity is merely a reaffirmation of our beliefs that is shaped from our parents as well as from the Bible.
Lastly, I feel that perhaps sometimes the issue of maturity may be brought up as a result of the sense of uneasiness and perplexity that arises from not being able to understand how an older person can fall for a much younger person. Having said that, I wonder if we can ever truly understand in other cases, why those couples fell for each other, what is it that they see in each other.
I am only your average guy on the block so I may have missed out on some pearls of wisdom that the Bible may has with regards to relationships and wide age gaps specifically. As far as I know, I don't know of any but would be grateful to hear if there is, and well even if it is not from the Bible, it would still be good to hear your thoughts on this.
fishstix said:24 and 14? What do you think her parents are going to say about that? And at 14, her parents' opinion certainly does count. Saying that many people would frown on a relationship with that age gap is an understatement. Almost everybody around you would likely be absolutely appalled by the fact that a fully grown man would be dating a child. Regardless of whether you have sex with her or not, you are treading on dangerous ground legally. There are a lot of activities short of sex that could get you in legal trouble. Especially if you are ever in a position of authority over her, such as a youth group leader or something like that. Even if you don't break any laws, it doesn't make it a wise decision. She is a child compared to you. Let her grow up before you entertain thoughts of dating her.
Think about what this would be like from her perspective. At 14, even someone who is just 16 or 18 seems really old. At 24, from a 14 year old perspective, you might as well be her dad. You could really do damage to her by bringing her into a dating relationship with you. Think about what you would be teaching her - among other things that it's ok to totally disregard what one's parents say. You say that you have been through 'harrowing experiences' and that you want to 'share ups and downs with each other'. She's 14 - she's almost certainly not ready to handle sharing the ups and downs that a 24 year old may go through. Especially not things that you would consider to be harrowing experiences. She may think that she is, but do you really think that it would be a good thing for her? Let her be an adolescent - don't make her grow old before her time. Consider what it would be like if the relationship doesn't work out and you break up. She'll likely have a stigma attached to her at school - her peers will think of her as the girl who dates old men. After dating one 24 year old, what's she going to go for next? Perhaps she'll naively choose another 24 year old who doesn't have motives as pure as yours.
If you really love her, think of her, not just of you. Let her grow up; let her be 14. Don't push her into the world of a 24 year old. Even if she likes you back, you're the adult and you need to make a decision that will be best for her - don't date her until she's grown up.
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