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Relationship Problems

Discussion in 'Christian Advice' started by cerulean, Dec 3, 2019 at 2:28 PM.

  1. cerulean

    cerulean New Member Supporter

    36
    +24
    United States
    Christian
    Celibate
    I have a really bad relationship problem: I really like this guy, but my best friend likes the same guy, and I haven't told her this yet. I don't want to lose my friendship with her, but I can't stand to keep it a secret from her any longer. We're best friends and we tell each other everything, so it feels horrible to keep such a big secret from her when she deserves to know.

    When she told me that she liked him, I felt crushed, but I didn't say anything. I really wish I did. I've never met anyone who understands me like he does. He's a very godly man who puts his spiritual life first, and I know that if we were together, he would spur me on to become a better Christian.

    Whenever I think about the possibility of the two of them getting together, it makes me want to cry. Every time I'm around either of them, I feel anxious and panicky. I feel like such a horrible friend!

    I hate having to keep this a secret, but I'm scared that if I tell my friend I like the same guy as her, she'll stop wanting to be friends with me. I keep hoping that my feelings for him will just go away, but they keep getting stronger.

    I don't want to keep bottling up my feelings, but I also don't want to lose a good friendship over a guy. What should I do?
     
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  2. Kris Jordan

    Kris Jordan Acts 4:12

    203
    +266
    United States
    Christian
    Married
    Hi Cerulean,

    This is definitely a sticky situation but you can't continue holding this secret inside. If I were you, I would be honest with your friend about your feelings (all of them) but I would also tell her that she is the most important one to you and you don't want this coming between your friendship, in any way. I would also be willing to let this guy go if it meant your friendship would be on the line or in the trash can.

    Remember, you can't control how she responds or reacts to the news but you can control what you do and say, and how you say it. Pray first and ask Jesus to give you wisdom as you speak the truth to her in love. I would also tell her you're sorry for not telling her the moment she told you about her feelings about him.

    Those are just some of my thoughts on it...
     
  3. crossnote

    crossnote Berean Supporter

    +1,018
    United States
    Christian
    Married
    US-Others
    Give it to God and let Him lead. The boy may not even care to be serious with either of you.
     
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  4. cerulean

    cerulean New Member Supporter

    36
    +24
    United States
    Christian
    Celibate
    That's what I'm trying to do. The issue is, I feel guilty for not telling my friend about this. I don't like keeping secrets.
     
  5. Melody Suttles

    Melody Suttles SingPeace Supporter

    83
    +142
    United States
    Christian
    Married
    CA-Conservatives

    C,
    You seem to be a very good friend and a caring and loving person. The fact that you keep looking introspectively shows that you are also wise. I am so sorry that you are going through something so painful -- I can only imagine. I was going to encourage you to talk to your friend until I found these scriptures, and they changed my thinking completely. I have shared them below and I think these scriptures speak of the kind of love you seem to have in your heart.

    Whatever you decide to do, let me suggest that you go to the Father and cry your heart out. He is watching and He is aware. He loves you so very much. He looks at the heart -- I believe the Lord will reward you greatly for your grace, self-control, and gentleness. He says in his word that He adores his daughters when they are like that. He loves to bless them! The Lord knows exactly who is the most perfect and awesome match for you. He wants you to be happy and fulfilled, and He can make that happen as no one can! You are strong. You grow stronger with every battle you face because you choose to love. That is everything. I wish I had had a friend like you when I was young. God bless you princess daughter of YAHWEH.


    Colossians 3:12-14 Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.


    John 15:12-15 “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.


    Luke 6:31 And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.

    Romans 12:10 Love one another with brotherly affection. Out do one another in showing honor.
     
  6. pdudgeon

    pdudgeon Traditional Catholic

    +9,685
    United States
    Catholic
    Widowed
    US-Republican
    Actually, it's not your friend's business whom you like. And just so you know, guys don't like being the subject of a conversation between two girls; especially when it deteriorates to "whom does he like better!"
     
  7. Avidreader9559

    Avidreader9559 New Member

    4
    +2
    United States
    Christian
    Married
    I am sorry that you are having such a hard time right now. Emotions are tricky IMO. They can lead us to places that we don't need to go when they are not tempered with Godly wisdom. They are a guide for us to determine what is happening, but we don't need to make our decisions by our emotions alone. "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?" Jeremiah 17:9 I would take this to God in prayer. I would sit down with the Bible and read Proverbs or ask the Spirit for guidance in where to start reading. Personally, I believe that friendships are a priority over romantic relationships as a general rule. Sometimes friends are only in our lives for a season and sometimes they are forever friends. God knows all of the details, and I believe He is the One to best counsel you on the matter. He is faithful. Sometimes we just need to keep asking. Hugs.
     
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