Hi All,
I am having relationship issues due to my poor spending habits recently. I admit that I had been spending a lot of money on myself and on the house we had bought due to anxiety about money (think retail therapy). I know it sounds weird, but when new big expenses are brought up, I blame her for the spending issues when its me that is the problem. I made the woman that I love so much cry at least once a week arguing about money for the past few weeks, when its me who has been spending more than her.
I just don't know what to do any more, but I see that it is costing me my relationship and I don't want to lose it. This is the second or third time that I had apologized for my behavior, but I can't seem to change myself enough or stay consistent. I realize and admit I have a problem, but I am uncertain on how to fix it.
I have a few things working against me and here is some of the low down on it:
1. I had been through a bad marriage before, where my ex-wife would spend us to oblivion and left me with a lot of debt when we divorced, she also could barely keep a job. It was a major hurt that I realized is now baggage in my new relationship. I was a major saver prior to my ex-wife and I feel that if I don't do what I want to do, then there would be no money for the things that need to get done for the house or that I would enjoy.
- Yes I understand the selfish thinking, but that is where it stems from. I fear that I will go through the same financial hardships that I had in the past and not enjoy life.
2. I have ADD and sometimes have the hardest time being able to change certain bad behaviors that have cost me relationships in the past. I had gotten a lot better since then, but it seems to have resurfaced and I have no idea why. I know I can do better.
3. Anxiety - I have bad anxiety ever since my last marriage and I don't want it to become a burden in my new one.
I don't know where this post should go to on the forums, but I feel that I need help. I just can't sit idle on this and let it mess up one of the best relationships that I have ever had. We rarely fought and always worked as a time until very recently, so this is something I want to nip on the bud before it becomes a tragedy. Please help me
I am having relationship issues due to my poor spending habits recently. I admit that I had been spending a lot of money on myself and on the house we had bought due to anxiety about money (think retail therapy). I know it sounds weird, but when new big expenses are brought up, I blame her for the spending issues when its me that is the problem. I made the woman that I love so much cry at least once a week arguing about money for the past few weeks, when its me who has been spending more than her.
I just don't know what to do any more, but I see that it is costing me my relationship and I don't want to lose it. This is the second or third time that I had apologized for my behavior, but I can't seem to change myself enough or stay consistent. I realize and admit I have a problem, but I am uncertain on how to fix it.
I have a few things working against me and here is some of the low down on it:
1. I had been through a bad marriage before, where my ex-wife would spend us to oblivion and left me with a lot of debt when we divorced, she also could barely keep a job. It was a major hurt that I realized is now baggage in my new relationship. I was a major saver prior to my ex-wife and I feel that if I don't do what I want to do, then there would be no money for the things that need to get done for the house or that I would enjoy.
- Yes I understand the selfish thinking, but that is where it stems from. I fear that I will go through the same financial hardships that I had in the past and not enjoy life.
2. I have ADD and sometimes have the hardest time being able to change certain bad behaviors that have cost me relationships in the past. I had gotten a lot better since then, but it seems to have resurfaced and I have no idea why. I know I can do better.
3. Anxiety - I have bad anxiety ever since my last marriage and I don't want it to become a burden in my new one.
I don't know where this post should go to on the forums, but I feel that I need help. I just can't sit idle on this and let it mess up one of the best relationships that I have ever had. We rarely fought and always worked as a time until very recently, so this is something I want to nip on the bud before it becomes a tragedy. Please help me
