Hiya everyone. I was just wondering what you all thought about my current situation. Im 17 and Ive been going out with a fantastic girl for almost 18 months and its going great, we had our ups and downs but never been remotly close to breaking up and the downs are few and the ups are many! We believe we are going to get married (but of course we can be sure, i know that) but we are probably going to have to wait at least 5 years because of money, education, parents etc. If we were 10 years older we would probably be engaged, so should all these other factors basically be more important than our marridge? thanks for your time!
-
Starting today August 7th, 2024, in order to post in the Married Couples, Courting Couples, or Singles forums, you will not be allowed to post if you have your Marital status designated as private. Announcements will be made in the respective forums as well but please note that if yours is currently listed as Private, you will need to submit a ticket in the Support Area to have yours changed.
-
CF has always been a site that welcomes people from different backgrounds and beliefs to participate in discussion and even debate. That is the nature of its ministry. In view of recent events emotions are running very high. We need to remind people of some basic principles in debating on this site. We need to be civil when we express differences in opinion. No personal attacks. Avoid you, your statements. Don't characterize an entire political party with comparisons to Fascism or Communism or other extreme movements that committed atrocities. CF is not the place for broad brush or blanket statements about groups and political parties. Put the broad brushes and blankets away when you come to CF, better yet, put them in the incinerator. Debate had no place for them. We need to remember that people that commit acts of violence represent themselves or a small extreme faction.
Relationship Advice
- Thread starter gillerto
- Start date
You both are young. You both have many many things to look forward to from God. It is a factor, if you two make it out to be one. But I have to say this," Life gets easier when both of you have a career and are out of college." If you two decide to do it vice versa, decide to get married before graduation, then you two will definitely have some challenges to overcome. However, with the Lord, nothing is ever impossible.
I'll keep you two in my prayers. May the Lord guide and direct the two of You. May you two seek His blessing and righteousness in your daily walks with Him.
In Christ name I pray, Amen.
I'll keep you two in my prayers. May the Lord guide and direct the two of You. May you two seek His blessing and righteousness in your daily walks with Him.
In Christ name I pray, Amen.
Upvote
0
mathias1979
Resident Meteorologist
Have either of you been to college yet? I would say give it at least one year of college before any sort of engagement...people can change a lot in that first year of college. Then it's really a personal decision. Some will tell you it's better to get the marriage out of the way, others (like myself) firmly believe it's a good idea to get through college first. You've just got to sit down with each other and determine what's best for your situation. But bottom line is that if you guys are truely in love and feel as though you are ready to get married (and it is something that God wills), you shouldn't let anything stand in your way.
-Matt
-Matt
Upvote
0
Pope Gonzo
Well-Known Member
desi will probably tell you to get married 
I agree with mathias - wait till you guys get into college and figure things out there. Why did you list parents as a reason not to get married right away?
I agree with mathias - wait till you guys get into college and figure things out there. Why did you list parents as a reason not to get married right away?
Upvote
0
Well, of course your age is a huge factor. I've personally known very few really young marriages that have worked out well in the long run. (Right now I can only think of one.) But you know what? If you were ten years older, and not financially in a position to support a family, I'd still say Wait. It's not that money is more important than marriage, it's just that the financial obligations of supporting a family are very serious indeed. If you've never even had to support yourself yet, you may not really have a good picture of everything that involves. If anything, marrying before you're really prepared to take on adult responsibilities, is treating marriage like it's UNimportant.gillerto said:
Upvote
0
mathias1979
Resident Meteorologist
Just because someone has not had to support themself does not mean they are not ready to. I would agree that you don't have children until you are ready financially, but getting married is a different issue. Just because you are financially responsible doesn't mean you will won't struggle with finances after marriage.pegatha said:
-Matt
Upvote
0
your relationship sounds a lot like my own. me and my boyfriend are both 18 (although he'll be 19 soon) and have decided to wait a few years till we're 20 or 21 to get married. money is the main issue - if we had it we'd get married sooner. congrats on finding the love of your life - there should be more guys like you in the world who are madly in love with their girlfriends. many guys just dont want to commit but you sound ready and willing. God's blessings on your relationship
Upvote
0
If there were any form of birth control (other than abstinence) that were 100% effective, I would agree with you. They all have a failure rate. If you are married, you are presumably having sex, and are therefore a potential parent, ready or not.mathias1979 said:
The possibility of hard times in the future is not an excuse to enter marriage unprepared in the present. I'm not just talking about supporting yourself before you marry either, but having at least a little reserve to fall back on if the hard times come sooner rather than later. If you haven't struggled financially, this may sound unromantic or even unspiritual. However, I bet the chances a marriage will last are probably a lot higher if they take their time and wait till they're ready financially, than to learn the value of money the hard way early on.mathias1979 said:
Upvote
0
mathias1979
Resident Meteorologist
I just think that if you in love and feel called to marriage, there comes a time when you just have to take a leap of faith and trust that God will provide. You've just got to prepare yourself the best you can then put your faith in God.
But hey, I guess everyone of us puts different weight on all the factors that go into deciding when the time to get married is...so to each his own. For me, a perfect financial situation just isn't a top priority when deciding when to wed.
-Matt
But hey, I guess everyone of us puts different weight on all the factors that go into deciding when the time to get married is...so to each his own. For me, a perfect financial situation just isn't a top priority when deciding when to wed.
-Matt
Upvote
0
thanks everyone. Someone asked about why parents are a problem. Basically her parents are very protective and although they are Christians would be very much against us getting married at less than about 23.
Upvote
0
Gillerto, I think her parents are wise to want her to grow up a little first, and you are wise to respect that. You will lose nothing by waiting till you both have more education, more maturity, and more experience in life before you marry.
Matt, not to keep arguing about the point, but I never said anything about a perfect financial situation. In my own marriage, I've dealt with good times and with bad times financially. I know first-hand the horrible stress that financial difficulty can put on a marriage. Even when you really love each other and trust God, the suffering can be tremendous. Why set yourselves up for that, if you can avoid it by working and saving up for a couple of years before you marry?
Matt, not to keep arguing about the point, but I never said anything about a perfect financial situation. In my own marriage, I've dealt with good times and with bad times financially. I know first-hand the horrible stress that financial difficulty can put on a marriage. Even when you really love each other and trust God, the suffering can be tremendous. Why set yourselves up for that, if you can avoid it by working and saving up for a couple of years before you marry?
Upvote
0
I believe that I should be able to financially support my spouce or a combination of the two of us will be the support. Personally I would not get married until I know I can provide for us. I believe that God charges us (men) to take care of our families. Although I also believe that God commands us to give to him, and not only of ourselves, but also our wallets. If he want us to make and offering (I dont believe in tithing, God will tell you how much he needs) then he will provide for it. So if you are devoting yourself to our Lord and Savior then he will provide for you.
Upvote
0
Sharing rent while married is cheaper than paying rent and utilities for two separate households, cooking is cheaper too, sharing the expenses of a car instead of two... With the right woman, over time marriage more than pays for the hundred or so dollars you pay in government fees.
Upvote
0
From my perspective of this situation there is a lot to take into account.
1) if you decide you will get married then decide it in a nearly 'definate' kinda way. The only reason you should break up is if there are serious reasons such as serious differneces developing or character issues that the other will not reslove.
2) Talk abou the issue of finance. One way to deal with it all, is to make an absolute commitent, say no kinds til 3 years after uni. and then stick to it. and make it so youshare loans etc. i don't know how it works there... but it's a student loan system here.
3) talk about marriage. you know, kids, parenting methods, financial decisions, who has the top say, mutualiy, conflict resultion... etc.
4) then make a decision about when is best. ie this year or next or the next or what.
5) realise you DO NOT want it in a mid term holiday.
6) waiting doesn't hurt, one year is like forever... til you get to the endof it.
Thanks
Hannah
1) if you decide you will get married then decide it in a nearly 'definate' kinda way. The only reason you should break up is if there are serious reasons such as serious differneces developing or character issues that the other will not reslove.
2) Talk abou the issue of finance. One way to deal with it all, is to make an absolute commitent, say no kinds til 3 years after uni. and then stick to it. and make it so youshare loans etc. i don't know how it works there... but it's a student loan system here.
3) talk about marriage. you know, kids, parenting methods, financial decisions, who has the top say, mutualiy, conflict resultion... etc.
4) then make a decision about when is best. ie this year or next or the next or what.
5) realise you DO NOT want it in a mid term holiday.
6) waiting doesn't hurt, one year is like forever... til you get to the endof it.
Thanks
Hannah
Upvote
0
Just to let you know, me and my fiancee are in the same boat, only we're older.
It is crutial that you wait until you can financially support her. That is the number one cause of divorce now days.
I won't say your too young to think about marriage...its a maturity thing, however, be careful. Evaluate the reasons you guys almost broke up in the past. Weigh their importance and find out if they would be a potential threat in the future.
It is crutial that you wait until you can financially support her. That is the number one cause of divorce now days.
I won't say your too young to think about marriage...its a maturity thing, however, be careful. Evaluate the reasons you guys almost broke up in the past. Weigh their importance and find out if they would be a potential threat in the future.
Upvote
0
Pope Gonzo
Well-Known Member
Steph and I are thinking about getting married next year. I'll be 21 and she'll be 23. We've got one major factor to wait for God to send us, but that withstanding, all signs point to "go for it"
Make the decision with your SO and God.
Make the decision with your SO and God.
Upvote
0
Similar threads
