Relationship Advice Needed

[BaselineLeaner]

Morning All,

So long story i need advice on how to handle this situation. My girlfriend and I have been together for a year now and have talked about marriage. She is a great and loving girl but she comes from a rough past. Her dad is in prison for fraud and she did her share of running around and sleeping with a lot of dudes. i don't know how many exactly, but i know it's way more than me. I love her so much but her past is starting to bother me now more than ever, probably because the marriage thing we have talked about recently. She use to sleep around and even when we first started talking, she would like a bunch of guys Instagram posts and comment on pictures. This is really starting to affect me and how i view here. This isn't fair since I am judging her past. Even the first couple months, she still liked dudes Instagram pictures.

We both are super religious now, including her. We met in church and pray together, and serve together. I had only been with 1 girl sexually before her and we have recently decided to stop anything physical before marriage. I guess my question is, how do i move on from her past and KNOW that she has changed and won't hurt me? Why is it just now bothering me a year later to the point we talk about it and it is affecting us? I guess there is kind of a trust issue there for me it seems. I just can't replaying it in my mind her past and I have tried talking to her about it, which she gets offended that I judge her on her past. She treats me so good but Im afraid she might turn into the person of her past again. Please, any advice would be great! We have already talked about it MULTIPLE times and i am afraid if I bring it up again, it will ruin us for good.

We are both 25 by the way. Thanks!

 

[A_Thinker]

It seems as if she's turned the corner toward a more trustworthy life.

If you want the relationship to work, you are going to have to forgive her past ...

 

[NurseAbigail]

If you don't feel peace don't proceed. Pray and seek Godly counsel. Maybe you both still need some time to mature in the faith. Marriage is serious, best to be prepared for it. Communication is key too, if you find yourself having difficulty discussing important issues now how much more when you are married. But yeah, use wisdom, listen to God's promptings and give yourselves time to be whole.

 

[Hidden In Him]

We have already talked about it MULTIPLE times and i am afraid if I bring it up again, it will ruin us for good.

I hate to say this, but look at what is actually happening in the relationship at this point. You're having serious concerns, yet not able to talk about it with her, so now you're turning to others to talk about it instead. That's not good. What are you going to do, try and stay silent about it and not talk about it with her anymore for the rest of your life? What if your suspicions were the Lord trying to open your eyes about something before it's too late? And as a married couple you ALWAYS have to be able to talk about things. If not, you're doomed from the start...

I would suggest both of you backing up from the relationship just a little to really seek God if He truly wants you to be together. A little pain now is better than a LOT of pain later, and if it is truly of God then the relationship will be strong enough to stand the test of time.

She treats me so good but I'm afraid she might turn into the person of her past again.

When you come back together, maybe ask her what it would take (sexually, financially, romantically, emotionally and intellectually) to make sure she didn't go back to the old ways of her past, and ask her to be very specific. If those aren't things you can provide, then your concerns may be valid.

God bless, and best wishes.

 

[Petros2015]

she did her share of running around and sleeping with a lot of dudes. i don't know how many exactly, but i know it's way more than me.

Find out how many dudes she slept with and start sleeping with dudes until you get over it. I doubt it will take more than 1.

Seriously though, it sounds like she has changed over time from what you are describing. You've got some fear and insecurity, you'll need to work through that with her (without sleeping with anyone else). And it sounds like she's willing to do that with you too.

 

[Hidden In Him]

Find out how many dudes she slept with and start sleeping with dudes until you get over it. I doubt it will take more than 1.

Not sure if that's the official EOC response to this situation. But at least he could tell her it's not all of what it's cracked up to be.

 

[deusartemlux]

"Run hard after Christ and then look around and see who is running with you. That's the type of person to marry." I forget who I'm quoting, but it's a real quote...John Stot maybe??
If that Jesus follower happens to be the girl you mention so be it. However, if there are red flags on her devotion to Christ and purity than ditch her. If you're following Jesus now in purity, it would be imperative you choose a girl doing the same thing (without a doubt). If it's not a for sure yes, then it's a no.

 

[shrinking_violet]

So let me get this straight: you believe premarital sex is a sin. You have had premarital sex with someone, which is a sin. You are judging another person for doing the same sin you did yourself. Sure, she may have slept with more dudes than you, but the rule says 0 premarital sex. 1 and say 30 are both not 0. You are judging someone else for committing the same sin you did yourself.

Have you moved on from your past? What's so wrong with your gf that she can't do the same with hers? What makes you better than her? Seems like she's forgiven you for committing a sin (the very same sin), but you get to judge her because why?

Imagine if she started freaking out on you for liking Instagram pictures that happen to be of women. (Which in my understanding is not premarital sex but whatever.) Imagine if she blamed you because she was the one picturing you having sex with a bunch of other women. Would you feel offended? Can you understand why a person would feel a bit defensive? Can you put yourself in the shoes of this person you supposedly love and want to marry and see things from her perspective?

Or you know, break up with her and find someone who has never committed a sin before. Surely, they'll be your equal. Romans 3:23

 

[Sketcher]

She's only a year out from that lifestyle?