regretable thoughts

[wayoutsidethebox]

hello. i ask that you please bear with me. i'm struggling with this and im very embarrassed about it. if this is in the wrong area, please forgive me and move it.

there's a calling on my life. the more that i learn what is and will be required of me, the more i doubt that the vision that i have for my life can come to fruition.
my vision is being both pastor/teacher and husband/father.

i met this wonderful woman. sadly, we arent at the same area in our walk and so far, she is very content staying where she is. now that i've shared with her what is required of me and where i am going, i fear she may not want to go remain in this relationship with me.

this shouldnt be such a dilemma but... not only can this woman be taken anywhere because she's been exposed to a lot of thing and is comfortable in a wide variety of situations, she's very intelligent, she's a people person, she's respectful, kind, sweet, confident, comfortable with herself, pretty and the two most important things - she is a christian and she loves me.
i havent been in a relationship with someone that gives to me what i give to them. we communicate. we care. we cherish. we're friends. we work well together. this is rare!

but now, im thinking of not pursuing what im called to because i dont want to:
1. be without someone to love and be loved by at the end of the day. after pouring into other people and situations, tending to the matters of the church, is it unreasonable to ask that i get some love at the end of the day? someone to pour into me and my situation...
2. get married and keep growing into ministry, then lose her because of the demands of ministry.

before you start kicking me, i am already incredibly upset with myself for remotely thinking of not doing what i have been called for. but, i have seen too many spouses jump ship because they couldnt take it... leaving the ministering spouse broken and dim. how effective can that be?

im trying to encourage myself to keep my hand on the plow but even now, in my time of learning and preparation, it hurts to do this... and whats required of me is only going to increase? c'mon!

 

[followtheWay]

wayoutsidethebox,

I feel for you. You are in an incredibly tough situation. And I believe you know the right answers, but maybe just need to be reminded of the truth to help you keep your way right before God.

God's call in your life, whether it's to ministry or to any other walk in life, is the most important goal. Truth is, you will not be satisfied if you don't do what God has called you to do. Sure, you may have a wonderful companion in life, but the life itself won't be so wonderful. Not what you're looking for.

If you've made it clear to her what God is calling you to, and what it will require of her, and she is unwilling to pursue that, then you have a fundamental difference in life direction.

Do you believe that God will supply all your need? Even the need for love, the need for someone to be in your corner, to encourage, comfort, and love you at the end of the day? Maybe this is the woman, maybe not. I don't know that, but if are not settled in your mind, you need to pursue God's call first. It's hard, I know. And it doesn't seem fair. And it's kinda scary, and not at all what you were looking for in life. And other men have it, so why can't you?

God loves you, He knows what is best, and He will provide exactly what you need to do exactly what He asks you to do. Every time.

You say she loves you. I believe you, to a point. But, the question is, does she love God? Does she love God more than she loves you? That's the kind of wife you need in ministry. If she isn't willing to grow with you, what that indicates is she may not be willing to submit to your God-assigned leadership in your relationship. That's not Biblical love, then, on her part.

Hey, it's hard. You feel like your heart is being ripped in two. And it will be, if you give part of it to her and part to God. You need someone who has given her whole heart to God, and then, with your whole heart surrendered to God, the two of you can experience the oneness of heart and purpose that God designed marriage to accomplish.

Anything less than that won't result in your happiness. And, the heat may continue to build in your life. God wants you to give up all for Him. I would recommend to you 2 Corinthians 1-4, but especially Chapter 4, verses 7-18.

May God's grace light your way, strengthen your heart, and comfort your soul as you pursue His glory.

 

[Determinedheart]

I just want to say I know how hard this is for you, I was engaged and ended my relationship for simular reasons. It really all boils down to trusting God in everything and knowing he knows your heart and walking in his way and will for your life. He will give you the desires of your heart. And I know you says she loves you but I think if she really loves you the way God intends us to love then she should let you be the man God has created you to be, I think true Love is not about us and what we want. Jesus, our example shows us this .I would pray for God to change her heart and I will lift you both up in prayer.

 

[wayoutsidethebox]

thank you both for your contribution.

even though i know what must happen here, i am seriously lacking the trust in God i need to let her go...

in prayer this morning, i had to confess that i know He can make anything happen. afterall He is soveriegn. i dont really doubt that. we have abook full of Him doing whatever He wants on behalf of His people. i also have a life full of similar miracles. i do, however, doubt whether He will do.

despite the burning angst in my heart, i can almost make out the faint outline of a positive lesson in all this. He allowed this bittersweet, gut-wrenching situation in order to show me where i truly stand in relationship with Him: way outside His known will for my life.

i knew my relationship receeded some but i didnt think it was this bad.

 

[NetHarvesters]

wayoutsidethebox,

I'll probably get blasted here, but you asked for opinions, so here goes. What I write, I write out of brotherly love and concern.

If you were not married, I'd probably say that you need to evaluate your relationship with her....but you're married.

Where is the glory in divorce? On your wedding day you took her as your wife and you two became one before God.
In Ephesians 5 the scripture reads: 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, people have never hated their own bodies, but they feed and care for them, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

She's yours man! You are to honor her and protect her and cherish her and be her spiritual leader. You're supposed to lift her up and present her without blemish. You should be praying for her without ceasing. If it is God's will that you be in the ministry, I am convinced that He will call BOTH of you. By saying "she's not where I am and we might as well quit this thing now before somebody gets hurt" is to give up and not allow God's timing to play out. If you can't take care of her, how are you going to take care of a church or whatever your calling is? If you're not willing to be a shepherd to the sheep you are one with, how can you be a shepherd to the entire flock?

Remember in I Timothy 3 where Paul writes concerning overseers, deacons and elders? He says that a man must have his house in order before he can even think about taking on a responsibility within the church. Verse 5 reads: 5(If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God's church?) Starting in verse 14 Paul writes: 14Although I hope to come to you soon, I am writing you these instructions so that, 15if I am delayed, you will know how people ought to conduct themselves in God's household, which is the church of the living God, the pillar and foundation of the truth.

You know, the more I think about this the more angry I get at Satan. How sneaky and cunning he is!! How I'm sure he would delight in destroying something that God has deemed holy and sacred, the marriage between a man and a woman. And we wonder how society's definition of marriage has gotten so messed up when we struggle with maintaining a solid foundation.

Wayoutsidethebox, I will begin praying for you. Your post is full of fear, which is not from our God. When I read your posts I almost sense that you have your mind made up and you just wanted some sort of confirmation from someone that you don't even know. But God knows your heart, He knows your wife's heart and your wife knows your heart. I am confident that God does not want you to break up your marriage for the ministry.

I have been married for 7 years now. I have felt a calling for 5 years now. In that time, ALOT of growth has taken place. I have grown and my wife has grown. Neither one of us was ready for the ministry 5 years ago...and God KNEW that. Only now after 5 years of battles and struggles do we feel that WE are ready for the ministry. Do not be impatient....for love is patient. Do not try to put a square peg into a round hole. Allow God to soften your edges in his timing so that you fit where He wants you. Then you will be doing His will and not yours.

I hope I have helped...PM me or reply if you need prayer or help.

 

[Determinedheart]

wayoutsidethebox,

I'll probably get blasted here, but you asked for opinions, so here goes. What I write, I write out of brotherly love and concern.

If you were not married, I'd probably say that you need to evaluate your relationship with her....but you're married.

Where is the glory in divorce? On your wedding day you took her as your wife and you two became one before God.
In Ephesians 5 the scripture reads: 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, people have never hated their own bodies, but they feed and care for them, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

She's yours man! You are to honor her and protect her and cherish her and be her spiritual leader. You're supposed to lift her up and present her without blemish. You should be praying for her without ceasing. If it is God's will that you be in the ministry, I am convinced that He will call BOTH of you. By saying "she's not where I am and we might as well quit this thing now before somebody gets hurt" is to give up and not allow God's timing to play out. If you can't take care of her, how are you going to take care of a church or whatever your calling is? If you're not willing to be a shepherd to the sheep you are one with, how can you be a shepherd to the entire flock?

Remember in I Timothy 3 where Paul writes concerning overseers, deacons and elders? He says that a man must have his house in order before he can even think about taking on a responsibility within the church. Verse 5 reads: 5(If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God's church?) Starting in verse 14 Paul writes: 14Although I hope to come to you soon, I am writing you these instructions so that, 15if I am delayed, you will know how people ought to conduct themselves in God's household, which is the church of the living God, the pillar and foundation of the truth.

You know, the more I think about this the more angry I get at Satan. How sneaky and cunning he is!! How I'm sure he would delight in destroying something that God has deemed holy and sacred, the marriage between a man and a woman. And we wonder how society's definition of marriage has gotten so messed up when we struggle with maintaining a solid foundation.

Wayoutsidethebox, I will begin praying for you. Your post is full of fear, which is not from our God. When I read your posts I almost sense that you have your mind made up and you just wanted some sort of confirmation from someone that you don't even know. But God knows your heart, He knows your wife's heart and your wife knows your heart. I am confident that God does not want you to break up your marriage for the ministry.

I have been married for 7 years now. I have felt a calling for 5 years now. In that time, ALOT of growth has taken place. I have grown and my wife has grown. Neither one of us was ready for the ministry 5 years ago...and God KNEW that. Only now after 5 years of battles and struggles do we feel that WE are ready for the ministry. Do not be impatient....for love is patient. Do not try to put a square peg into a round hole. Allow God to soften your edges in his timing so that you fit where He wants you. Then you will be doing His will and not yours.

I hope I have helped...PM me or reply if you need prayer or help.

As far as I can tell from his post he is not married. ???

 

[NetHarvesters]

As far as I can tell from his post he is not married. ???

For some reason when I read it (actually read it a few times) I got the impression he was married. I sure found it troublesome that others would suggest he leave his wife to enter the ministry. Oops. Sure would have saved me alot of time typing! If that's the case, I would have to agree with the other replies...

 

[akledbet]

Hey wayoutsidethebox,

Don't know how your situation has turned out as of yet, but just wanted to encourage you to keep trusting God in this situation, and it seems, from what i've read, that you do. My fiance and I had to really stop and pray very hard about the callings we had on our lives and make sure that we were called to be together. We both felt called into ministry but were not sure if it was in the same direction. It was the such a hard time, so I know whatever you've been through has been really hard. When we doubted whether or not we were supposed to be together we went to the Word, stayed on our faces before God about it and God just really confirmed our relationship. I'm not saying that this will happen in your case, but I'm saying that God will give you peace about it if you are. But what followtheway said is so true, you won't be truelly satisfied in life if you're not smack dab in the middle of his will for your life. God WILL provide that love that you long for in ministry. And if his will is for you to marry one day, He will give you a wife who is 100% supportive and involved in your ministry. God bless as you seek his plan for your life. vbmenu_register("postmenu_29918042", true);