I am a hypocrite. You know, one of those people churches are filled with. Im one of those people who are the reason why many other people dont go to church.
If you knew me, you might think I was pretty OK. I usually talk like a good Christian. I know the Bible better than many Christians, and I can quote verses and explain passages like I was the real thing. Ive taught Bible Studies for years. Ive even been a preacher.
If you watched my life the one I present to others you might think I had it together like I was one of those spiritual folks mentioned in Galatians 6:1. In fact, many times I think that way about myself and lie to myself, like Jeremiah 17:9 warns.
I have seen myself as a pretty good Christian who just messes up from time to time. We all do, after all, so how bad can I be doing? Most of my sinning now is within the tolerable range the stuff we wink at and dismiss away. Except that I am a liar to others and to myself - and many other things too.
My heart wants to serve God wholly, but I cant sustain the character I think I am, or at least know I want to be. I dont want others to know how I have failed or should I say sinned because they might think less of me or reject me, when Im really a pretty nice guy.
What is a hypocrite? An actor. A fake. Someone who wears a mask and presents a picture of a life that is not true on the inside or even the outside. You know the type a phony. If you were to see my icon on a website, you would see a fish or a cross, but if you clicked on me, you would not always go where you wanted ever have that happen? You think youre going to a good website, but instead you get a sales pitch? Thats me. Most of the time you will get a decent, honorable guy, but watch out for those times when I dont listen and get easily offended, those times when I quickly judge you, those times when you end up with a porn site when you were looking for a friend.
Why am I telling you all this? Am I proud of myself? Is this another sales pitch or sermon for others? No! I am deeply ashamed of my lies and my sins and my lack of trust in God. I am embarrassed by my lack of integrity when Ive been given so much and had so many advantages others have not. I am especially appalled by my unfaithfulness to God something he sees as infidelity. Like David in Psalm 51, I beg of God to create in me a clean heart one that is singly his, not another disappointment.
Many times I have thought about just giving up and doing my own thing rather than being a hypocrite. A few times Ive done just that, though with a wife and children, it was a little hard to do. But, I am a child of the King of kings and Lord of lords. He will not let me stay in or enjoy my sins, or wallow in self-pity. He has something better for me, and he is able to pull me out of the pit and set my feet on firm ground.
So, here I am I need your prayers, I need your counsel, I need your accountability. I want desperately to be the real thing to live an honest life to be the same inside and out. I want to be a truth-teller, not a liar. I want to be faithful to my Lord. I want to be used by the Lord as whatever stone in his living temple he has chosen. Im not looking for a deal I want a true, consistent, intimate relationship with Jesus. I dont need more intellectual discourse I desire truth in the inner parts. I am filled with hope because of the God Ive known for years, but each day I must come to him saying, God, be merciful to me a sinner. And I know he will be for you and for me if we come to him humbly and honestly. God is so good!
If you knew me, you might think I was pretty OK. I usually talk like a good Christian. I know the Bible better than many Christians, and I can quote verses and explain passages like I was the real thing. Ive taught Bible Studies for years. Ive even been a preacher.
If you watched my life the one I present to others you might think I had it together like I was one of those spiritual folks mentioned in Galatians 6:1. In fact, many times I think that way about myself and lie to myself, like Jeremiah 17:9 warns.
I have seen myself as a pretty good Christian who just messes up from time to time. We all do, after all, so how bad can I be doing? Most of my sinning now is within the tolerable range the stuff we wink at and dismiss away. Except that I am a liar to others and to myself - and many other things too.
My heart wants to serve God wholly, but I cant sustain the character I think I am, or at least know I want to be. I dont want others to know how I have failed or should I say sinned because they might think less of me or reject me, when Im really a pretty nice guy.
What is a hypocrite? An actor. A fake. Someone who wears a mask and presents a picture of a life that is not true on the inside or even the outside. You know the type a phony. If you were to see my icon on a website, you would see a fish or a cross, but if you clicked on me, you would not always go where you wanted ever have that happen? You think youre going to a good website, but instead you get a sales pitch? Thats me. Most of the time you will get a decent, honorable guy, but watch out for those times when I dont listen and get easily offended, those times when I quickly judge you, those times when you end up with a porn site when you were looking for a friend.
Why am I telling you all this? Am I proud of myself? Is this another sales pitch or sermon for others? No! I am deeply ashamed of my lies and my sins and my lack of trust in God. I am embarrassed by my lack of integrity when Ive been given so much and had so many advantages others have not. I am especially appalled by my unfaithfulness to God something he sees as infidelity. Like David in Psalm 51, I beg of God to create in me a clean heart one that is singly his, not another disappointment.
Many times I have thought about just giving up and doing my own thing rather than being a hypocrite. A few times Ive done just that, though with a wife and children, it was a little hard to do. But, I am a child of the King of kings and Lord of lords. He will not let me stay in or enjoy my sins, or wallow in self-pity. He has something better for me, and he is able to pull me out of the pit and set my feet on firm ground.
So, here I am I need your prayers, I need your counsel, I need your accountability. I want desperately to be the real thing to live an honest life to be the same inside and out. I want to be a truth-teller, not a liar. I want to be faithful to my Lord. I want to be used by the Lord as whatever stone in his living temple he has chosen. Im not looking for a deal I want a true, consistent, intimate relationship with Jesus. I dont need more intellectual discourse I desire truth in the inner parts. I am filled with hope because of the God Ive known for years, but each day I must come to him saying, God, be merciful to me a sinner. And I know he will be for you and for me if we come to him humbly and honestly. God is so good!
