Recovering from cheating

[greegiecee]

I am hoping I can get some advice here. I have been in a long term relationship with my current girlfriend. We have worked through a lot together but both love each other and have been discussing marriage.
She came to me distraught the other day that she had kissed another guy. It was really hard to hear as things were going really well between us. It's complicated because we have found ourselves working in different cities and so have been dating by distance for a long time now.

We have spoken and I do believe she is truly repentant. But I am still hurting. It is like my heart has been ripped out. I sway between deep feelings of love and compassion for her, and feelings of pain and even questioning if I still love her. This is painful for me as I'm sure I do. How do I heal, how do I restore my feelings for her? How do I respond in a Godly way and in a way to save our relationship? Please help.

 

[omcfarla21]

I am hoping I can get some advice here. I have been in a long term relationship with my current girlfriend. We have worked through a lot together but both love each other and have been discussing marriage.
She came to me distraught the other day that she had kissed another guy. It was really hard to hear as things were going really well between us. It's complicated because we have found ourselves working in different cities and so have been dating by distance for a long time now.

We have spoken and I do believe she is truly repentant. But I am still hurting. It is like my heart has been ripped out. I sway between deep feelings of love and compassion for her, and feelings of pain and even questioning if I still love her. This is painful for me as I'm sure I do. How do I heal, how do I restore my feelings for her? How do I respond in a Godly way and in a way to save our relationship? Please help.

In my opinion the first thing you are doing is turning to other people for advise. This poses a problem because you may tend to gravitate to advise that patronizes you. Turn to one person whose opinion you value; someone that is objective and fair, like maybe a pastor or a close friend. Someone that can also give you spiritual advise a and wise counsel.

Secondly, your girlfriend should be the object of your attention. The fact she confessed to you is the first step toward truly becoming whole. If she didn't care she would not have confessed. She may feel lonely and confused and she might need some reassurance that you love her. The question I would ask myself is, "what would cause her to be vulnerable at that moment?" There maybe some thing deeper that hasn't come to the surface as yet.

Thirdly, if you are this upset over a fleeting kiss, then thank God she didn't go all the way with the other guy. Yes you feel betrayed, hurt, mistrust, and discouragement. But that doesn't mean the world ends. It also doesn't mean that your girlfriend is a bad person. She made a mistake and, like the prodigal son, she has come home. Will you open your arms?

Finally, communication is key at this point. There must be an unbiased, open ability to speak without prejudice and bigotry on both sides. If you guys want to build a future the work starts now...

Relationships aren't easy...they take commitment #24/7.

I'll be praying. If you wanna reach out to me...do so.

 

[dayhiker]

A GF kissing someone else never bothered me ...

So many cheat when they see each other ever week. So not surprising with a long distance relationship.

I think you two have to find a way to spend at least a week together to get those intimacy feelings going again between you.

 

[pittsflyer]

I think its comical what some people consider cheating. How long has this non-relationship been going on? Most people dont like sitting around for a multi year "courtship" being celibate. Its not what happened in bible times and its not natural now. The only reason people "wait" is for finaicial reasons and becuase our govt has made a mess of legal marraige.

The modern church has so many young people in a state of confusion it is sad.

 

[JAM2b]

She confessed and wants to stay in the relationship. That is something you can work with. I've been cheated on before by someone who didn't ever own up to it and apologize even after being caught. There's no fixing that if they won't be honest and don't want to try to do right.

I'd say give yourself some time to process and heal and move forward in the relationship. Consider that she didn't have to tell you. You probably never would have known if she hadn't. She came to you out of honestly on her own free will and wanted to fix it. Let her.