This is what Martin Luther talks about when he discusses his own experiences as being a priest and monk, who felt so utterly unworthy, seeing his sins, and ultimately hating the God who punishes us for failing time and again to do what is impossible.
The impossible is being perfect. You are not perfect, and you will never be perfect. Martin Luther was not perfect, and he would never become perfect.
It's also something I can recall from my own experiences when I was younger. Especially during puberty and adolescence, when I found myself seeing the opposite gender as not a yucky cootie-carrying creature,
I remember the time when I was in second grade and how my classmates saw the opposite sex as yucky cootie-carrying creatures. I didn't understand what the fuss was all about, so I never believed in the childish disease. There was one time when a classmate intentionally "passed it on to me", but I just pretended that I didn't notice something.
but as much more desirable, and having an abundance of hormones and sexual thoughts, I felt incredible dread and despair. In fact, I was convinced that such vices were evidence of my own damnation, and no matter how hard I tried to suppress them, no matter how hard I tried to accept Jesus in my life, I just continued onward.
Sometimes, I wonder if I am missing out on one aspect of the human experience, thereby rendering me unable to connect or feel empathy for other humans. I also wonder whether it would be better for one to be irreligious than religious. If one is irreligious, then one would not have to be so concerned with damnation or post-mortem consequences.
I sought out prayer over years, we'd have these youth events where we would privately write down our sins we wanted forgiveness and freedom from and we'd fold them up and put them in a bag or a container, and set it on fire to symbolically say we were giving up our sins to God. And then, for a day or a week, I'd have a spiritual high, feeling good, and then inevitably that would decline and I'd be where I was before.
Very interesting. Never had that experience before. I was not raised religious.
It was a message of pietism and moralism that I was receiving, not the Gospel.
Aha! Finally I think I know why you constantly say that evangelism is not just about converting people and why you think that Christians need the Gospel even if everybody has converted to Christianity.
This isn't healthy, because there's no Gospel in it.
Oh. I thought you would say "That isn't healthy, because you are deluding yourself, thinking that you are setting yourself free from your 'sins' without ever confronting those problems strategically and rationally."
However honest reflection of oneself, an honest and stark look at oneself as a sinner actually is a liberating thing. Not because you should be comfortable or tolerant of your sins (heaven forbid!) but rather because hearing the Gospel rightly preached, the sinner encounters the loving and gracious God who forgives us.
So, in your view, a person who does not receive the Gospel will still sin against God, and if he does, he will seek anything he can to be righteous again, even though the mere burning paper will not help at all. That person would have to encounter the loving and gracious God who forgives him. Hence, the term "I was saved" is so frequently used by certain campus preachers when they describe how they became Christians. Recognizing oneself as a sinner would be considered a good thing, because you are humbling yourself to God and allowing God to become the light of your life.
It's not self-loathing, but self-honesty. I am a sinner. I'm a big sinner, an incredible sinner. I don't like being a sinner, I don't want to be a sinner, but I am one. So, rather than going to myself to try and see how I can reach the heights of God through my efforts; I encounter the just and merciful God who presents Himself in Jesus Christ as Friend and Savior. I encounter the friendly heart of God who seeks me out, and comes to me intimately by His Word and Sacraments.
For a moment there, I thought you were about to paraphrase Apostle Paul's letter to the Romans.
Am I a sinner? Most assuredly. But a baptized sinner. And for me that is a world of difference, it's the cool water of refreshment in the arid desert of despair. It's the Living Water of Christ.
So... the "virtuous pagans" thing is a myth that Dante Alighieri contrived. In the Christian viewpoint, you would probably say that those "virtuous pagans" are no better and no worse than sinned Christians.
