Really struggling with this...

[defosco]

Sorry this may be a long one!

A brief background:
My husband and I met when we were both what I suppose you would call "atheists". My husband was raised Roman Catholic and feels that he had religion forced upon him. Since he has been old enough he has rejected God and any form of faith. I was brought up Methodist and went to Sunday school and was confirmed. However since leaving school I have not attended church or been religious in anyway. We got married in the registrar's office and we have not christened our 2 year old son.

A few months back I decided that I would like to seperate from my husband. He is not "overtly" abusive to me, it is more his acts of "ommission" that upset me. He also has a very negative outlook on life and I have tried really hard to "cheer him up" to no avail. I have spoken to him about all of my feelings. He would not attend counselling with me so I went on my own. The counselling really just re-inforced my feelings of unhappiness in my marriage. I truely do not believe he can/will change.

The present:
Just under a month ago I watched the movie "Fireproof" on recommendation of a couple of friends. I asked my husband to watch it with me as it may help our marriage, but he refused. I had no idea the movie was to minister, but I definitely felt that God spoke to me through the movie. Straight after I spoke with one of the friends who suggested the movie and he truely brought me to God and helped me to accept Him. It took about two days for me to feel completely comfortable with my newfound faith.

Since then I have been embracing my faith and attending church with another friend. It is a place that I feel very comfortable and the couple of times I have been I really felt that God was speaking to me through the sermon. I have done nothing but pray for God to show me His will for me, my life and marriage. But I am struggling to distinguish between His voice and what I "want".

My husband does not support me in my newfound faith. He makes jokes about God and the bible. He keeps spouting theories that are aimed at discrediting God and the bible. He complains because he has to look after our son when I go to church (he refuses to have his son become involved in that "religious hocus pocus" as he calls it). I want to become more involved in the church to strengthen my faith, but I know that he will make this very hard for me.

I have read many posts on the Married Couple forum as well as this one. I have found the references to Joel and Kathy's site and have read a lot on there as well. I'm not completely comfortable with J&K's advice as I feel this is quite manipulative and I do not want to go down the route of ultimatums and keeping our son away from his father. In my view I feel that if my husband really wanted to change he would've done so. I'm not expecting him to become Christian (I've read the passage about the unbelieving spouse), I just want him to "hear" me. I have had these conversations with him several times in a mature manner using all the right "methods", e.g. "I" messages, talking about MY feelings and what I need (I no longer expect him to read my mind!). He has not made one shred of effort to even talk to me about it. He would throw J&K's book back in my face and would become absolutely stubborn.

I am really struggling as I am trying to hear God's voice for me and my marriage. I want to do right as a Christian, but I am not happy and believe that there is a bigger calling for me out there.

Today a colleague told me of a friend in a similar situation. Both he and his wife are Christians, but they have agreed to divorce (and remain friends). They both still go to the same church and their church is supporting them through this.

It just seems that there is so much conflicting advice out there! I don't want to fall in the trap of "hearing" what I want from God and the bible and the church. Thanks in advance for your advice!

 

[myanchor]

Wow, DF, I am so glad you are here. You are showing much wisdom in coming here and getting many counselors. You are staying close to God and letting Him renew your mind and transform you by prayer, by reading His love letter to us.

As for Divorce, Jesus said only in case of adultery. Paul under the urging of the Holy Spirit said if the unbeliever wants to leave, let them.

I'm sorry your husband is being unkind. Let me tell you of how I came to Christ. A friend of mine in between our freshman and sophomore years in college opened up his Gideons New Testament and accepted Christ. I could tell he was different, better. But when I asked him, he told me it was Christ. He tried to witnessm to me, and I listened but then said no I'm not interested. For nine months he witnessed and I would walk away or just laugh or cuss him. But at the end of that time, I accepted Christ.

i cannot guaranted the timeline for you, or even if he will accept Christ, but you do have the Holy Spirit in you enabling you to deal with your husband.

I will pray for you two.

 

[~Lynz~]

i advice you have a talk with the pastor of your church.

my pastor is veryvery against divorse and it is widely known. however i said to himwhy i want divorse and he total understands why i am doing it. it really depends on the individual circumstance.

God bless you on finding God.

 

[Bridgit]

I would say that you are in the middle of a spiritual warfare and that you need to deal with it with prayers.

Find intercessors at your church and ask them to pray for your situation. Be involved in prayer meetings and pray for your husband's salvation and for your son to be able to come with you to church. Pray without ceasing as is mentioned in the Bible (1 Thess. 5:17).

Draw your strength from Him. Keep your eyes on Jesus who right now is interceding for you. (Romans 8:34)

I too will pray for you.

 

[defosco]

thank you for all your responses... I will be joining a prayer group in the next couple of weeks (going on holiday next week). I have not had the opportunity to speak to someone at church yet, but i trust that God will create the opportunity with the right person at the right time. i'm doing the "Love Dare" (from Fireproof). I'm only at day 5, but will continue with it. I will continue to pray and trust that God will reveal his plan for me and my marriage when the time is right.

 

[quitespirit]

How is your "Love Dare" going?

 

[defosco]

hi quitespirit. Thanks for asking! I'm on day 7 at the moment. I've deliberately not read ahead, but i think that they "ease" you into it the first week or so. With prayer and God's help i'm finding it easier than I thought! It's not about expecting anything back from him, but i do hope that there will be changes in him/our marriage at the end of it!

We're going on holiday on saturday for 3 weeks (to visit my parents in South Africa), so i'll try to carry on as best I can over that period... will let you know how things are when I get back.

 

[quitespirit]

Good
I'm not married but did see Fireproof and enjoyed watching the process of the Love Dare in the movie. Best wishes.

 

[Jer29]

Your discernment about the J & K site is spot on! That place is an abomination. I very much agree with those who counsel you to surround yourself with intercessors. Please consider having a daily quiet time between Jesus, the Bible, and you. Understand that the Lord understands your emotions. I encourage you to stay strong with the Love Dare. Win your husband to the Lord by your humility and quiet spirit.

I Pet. 3:1-7

1Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. 3Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. 4Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. 5For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, 6like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.

 

[*Charis*]

Hi Defosco,

It's exciting seeing your new faith! I'd encourage you to visit your
pastor, telling him all that you've shared here, and ask who he
trusts among the older women of his congregation to mentor you.
Most likely there's a godly woman, full of faith, and genuine experience
that God can use to mentor you as you grow in faith.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

I haven't seen the movie yet, but will rent it one day. In the future you might want to just tell your dh that you rented a movie and pop it in. Did you tell him that the movie might help your marriage or were those just your thoughts for wanting to see it?

That would be very important to me to bring my child to Sunday school, but hopefully your dh will change his mind in this area. Are there any programs going on at your church on other days that have activities for the kids? It wouldn't be "church", so your dh might be ok with you bringing the child to a "social group" or mom's group.