Really need support.

[hollypparker]

Okay. I am probably going to post on a number of the forums.

I used to be a member of here, under a different name. AmberZak incase anyone remembers.

I am trying to find out what is wrong with me. Most likely I am High Functioning Autistic.

At the moment everything seems to be falling apart. I am having problems at University, where I am considered a Time Consuming pupil but I still don't know what I did wrong (I was asked by the head of department to have a meeting with him where he then proceeded to say that I was not doing things the way they are done at University).

My brother passed away 6 months ago. I shut myself off from almost everyone. I stopped going to church and all sorts. At work, I decided to go on a social trip they are running to a theme park. It was open to all. But then I am told I can't go because the girl who is organising it, doesn't want me to. I have never even worked with her, so I don't know why she doesn't like me.

Also, I tried to get hold of my best friend, and he couldn't be bothered to help me because he said I am just feeling sorry for myself and he thinks I am suicidal, even though I have never said I was, nor implied I was. I am NOT Suicidal. Just running away. But anyway, he really hurt me - more than I can explain. And I am supposed to be going to lunch with him on Sunday afternoon, with a group of us as friends. I don't want to go, but I promised myself I would to try and get out of my depression.

I feel so lost. I have always felt I was a puzzle piece put into the wrong box, but right now I feel really lost. I always used to think that God made me different for a reason, now I think it was all just a mess up.

I am also lost, because, from the age of 7, I spent every week, with out fail, praying that little bro would be cured, but he died instead.

Please be sensitive with me. I am very fragile right now.

 

[yeshuaslavejeff]

What kind of support, who from ? God ? (He has requirements outlined in The Book for anyone who wants His Help. Then, IF the requirements are satisfied, even BEFORE they are, He gives HIS Help which no one can stop, no one can take away.)

To start with, He says in The Book that all men are liars.
Also, that He found no one, not one, who seeks Him (He looked, and He knows how to look.)

That's just for starters... ... ... ... ... ...

 

[HazelAngel]

Hollypparker it could b possibly that umm god gave u what u have for a reason, I know god gave me my AS and I am thankfull for it I am so sorry for u since ur little brother died away, I know how it feels to have a loss in ur family be it pet or a brother or sister, it just feels terrible I dont know why ur best friend shut u off from his life and I think it was mean, if they did that to me id say fine, ur not my friend anymore and that is the end of that but I c u really like this friend, if that happened I would say why r u bein mean to me, I am not suisidal and I dont feel sorry for myself, I may have AS and does that make me different from u, no way and plz support me, I am goin through a rough time at the moment. I feel that u need help my friend and I will possibly pray for u.

HazelAngel

 

[hollypparker]

Hey Hazel. I love your signature. I wish my mum was that supportive and helpful with me. She doesn't really care. She has told me a number of times that she wishes I was a 'normal' child, and she has also said that when my parents were still together, if the house was burning down and she could only save me or dad, she would choose dad because they can always make another child.

Anyway, I do usually believe that God made me High Functioning Autistic because of a reason.

Also, my friend, we spoke. He was really apologetic. He said he was drinking with some mates and so didn't read the text properly. He didn't realise I was upset, and thought I just had some random news which could wait til Sunday (when we were meeting up anyway) and he was in a bad mood because he had had about 4 people ring him up to tell him they were suicidal.

 

[Sabertooth]

I am praying for you.

My first sense is that you are feeling grief about your brother. You should not seek a remedy for it, just let those feelings pour forth. That's the best thing you can do with it.

We, on the spectrum, may not always understand our feelings, but we feel them just the same, such as grief and shame. I know I do, at least.

As for your school situation, if you are in the USA, you can get special accommodations, even in college, but you have to identify your condition to the appropriate department.

 

[HazelAngel]

Thats good that u and ur friend spoke, at least I guess he accepts ur situation a bit k Its good that u know u got AS for a reason and I know that my mum would never do that to me, she accepts me the way I am and is fine with it, I wish ur situation with u and ur mum cant get better, if that was me in the situation I would explain that my high diagnosing autism, or in my case AS isnt my fault, cant u accept how I am mum, and I know that my mum loves me, in fact all my family love me, thats including my poppa and I know that they would never do that to me

HazelAngel

 

[hollypparker]

Hazel. I just realised where you are from as well. I am from England, but I love New Zealand. Me and the other half want to move to NewZealand eventually.

 

[HazelAngel]

ahh, well if u do move to NZ I congratulate u on moving and I also hope u have a nice trip here It is a great place, really great place here too

HazelAngel

 

[HazelAngel]

When I explained what ur mum said to u, my mum said that what ur mum says is wrong, god accepts u for the way u r and this is my guess not my mums guess, I guess that ur mum isnt able to cope with u having high defined autism and I know god accepts u the way u are, I know he accepts me the way I am so u can b thankfull that one person approves and that is god, he doesnt dissaprove anyone who come to him and say god I feel that I have been dissrespectfull, can u forgive me, I guess god allways forgives ppl who say that

HazelAngel

 

[hollypparker]

Hey Hazel.

My mum is an alcoholic, so that explains why she is the way she is, so I can forgive her for the way she can be sometimes. She doesn't mean it, and I ask that God bless her. (She isn't a christian, none of my family are)

You are right, though, she doesn't understand me at all. We are like polar opposites.

I really want to go to New Zealand. I am training to be a teacher. Eventually I will be setting up an organisation which will be working with children with emotional and behavioural problems. The organisation with be working with them doing creative things such as Filmmaking and art.

I have been working at a school that has a class of 5 Autistic boys. They are more than aspergers, they are almost fully autistic. But they can talk to us. I have been told I have a natural ability with them, but I have also been told that it is because I can relate to them, being High Functioning Autistic myself.

What do you want to do?

 

[HazelAngel]

hmm, work with animals and write books Drive a car eventually but not for the meantime I like ur new look hollypparker too

HazelAngel

 

[hollypparker]

Hey.

So you write aswell? Me too. I would love to read some of your writing, if you don't mind. And I will send you some of mine if you want to read it.

 

[HazelAngel]

ahh, then I will have to write somethin really quick What do u want me to write about then caus I am a real true animal lover and I could write about any sort of animal if u would like me too?

HazelAngel

 

[HazelAngel]

Oh, and I will bless u some things u will like too for ur look, a pretty background, a cute pair of pearl earings and of course a amethyst necklace to complete the look, they r all in special items too

HazelAngel

 

[hollypparker]

Hey. Thanks.

I put on the necklace.

 

[HazelAngel]

that looks cool I recently wrote something for the CFnewspaper, I might b a writer and I gave my permission for it to b put in the newspaper ok. U might c it in a future issue, here it goes

Christian Forums
This is my article for Christian Forums I think Christian Forums is a excellent place to be and I would definatly reccomend this website to anyone who is looking for a very friendly place with Christians and they r a christian. I have become a big fan of this website and any of my friends who r Christian I would definatly reccomend them to this website if I go to Fever Club and I see a good friend of mine. This is the first messageboard I have ever been to, I must admit I did have expectations, very small ones but Christian Forums has by far exceeded them and beyond. People here are nice and friendly and I am happy to b a CFangel here. Thanks to Supermama I wouldnt have found Christian Forums and I thank her for introducing me here. I am very fond of writing and animals and I am proud to accept a invite to become a CFwriter. I have made a whole lot of friends here e.g Snoochface, 2scoops, zfawnz, Dean Anderson, hollypparker and the list goes on and on but those r the few whom I have decided to mention in this article bout Christian Forums. I look forward to spending time here on Christian Forums with all my friends and all my friends r one of a kind, they r awesome and they r all very nice. Thanks to CFfosterangel34, Gwenyfur and of course the head leader of this newspaper Kirsten.New Creation for giving me a chance at doing whats best, helping people at all times by working very hard and may I just add, I like helping people do what they want and helping people if they have problems about anything.

Tell me what u think of it ok. I no it has ur name in it and since I was thinkin of friends I instantly thought of u telling me to write something and that is what gave me the inspiration. I didnt have a topic to stick to, I just sat down and wrote this with carefull planning, what goes in the friends part is all true, every single one of it and I hope to surprise all my friends with this, ur the 2nd one to read it too so ur privalaged at reading this ok.

HazelAngel

 

[hollypparker]

hey. thanks. It is very good. It is heartfelt and honest. I like that in writing.

And thank you for mentioning me. I do not know how to respond to compliments very well, but it really has made me happy.

 

[hollypparker]

I will pm you some of my writing if you like. would need to be another day though as what I want to send you is written in my notebook which is downstairs.

 

[HazelAngel]

u are very welcome hollypparker for the comment Umm I will wait for the writing as well The rest of the friends mentioned there doesnt know about it so I will have to either pm them or post them in their threads

HazelAngel

 

[drifter5]

I am praying for you dear. I pray that you will know God's comfort. You are so precious to God. Try not to worry what others think of you- remember how very much God loves you instead. ( I find that this helps me to cope with social difficulties because of my Asperger's Syndrome ) . After all it does not really matter what others think of us, it is what God thinks of us that counts.