Really hate life!

[Judy02]

I know I shouldn't...but I really do right now.

I'm at the point, where I don't think honestly, anyone I know really cares anymore. Left uni in July, all my mates seem really busy and have jobs, and i still dont yet.

My parents seem to act all distant and reserved, I don't even feel they care anymore - my mum prob just passes it off as being 'moody' but I just feel awful, and like there's no one to turn to anymore, I just can't cope, thats why I'm being miserable. My Mum accuses me of 'feeling sorry for myself' and that im too inward looking, but hey so easy for you to say when uv never had this!!

As if things haven't been hard enough, someone who I thought liked me (knew from uni) can't even be bothered replying to my text messages anymore. Not many guys have liked me and I really thought he did. I was so upset last night I even thought of self harming, which I've only ever done once before, and that was about a year and a half ago. I was really close to my friends at uni, and maybe this is self pity, but I just feel like no one loves me anymore. I can't help being depressed, I don't want this in my life, and I know it's easy to get over sensitive, but I just feel like I've really made an effort with my friends, even when being depressed! And now, no one can be bothered returning the favour. Mym mum just seems cold, and hard, sahying i shud do this, keep busy etc, but she doesnt know what this is like. I hate being at home (moved back to hometown now) - I know hardly anyone here anymore, still havent found a new church, and I just feel so alone. The few people I do know here I just feel are totally unsympathetic, cold and don't understand at all.

 

[goldenviolet]

first a big warmfuzzy

you are right, you shouldn't... but you do. feelings are real and valid. you need something: so the answers are in how you cope with these things. depression, the blues, feeling sorry for yourself, whatever the reason may be... you have to take care of yourself. lovingly. treat yourself like a loved friend. self talk lovingly too. how about starting with a doctor visit? and a visit to your pastor. they are great for helping us get to the root so we can get back on track.

there are times in life where we feel that we have no friends. loneliness is common because so is change.
so draw close to Jesus. and continue reaching out to those around you. change may throw us off at first, but then we search out adjusting. Jesus will never leave you. search Him out to be real and walk with you. it's lovely when we feel Him walk with us. jump into the word and prayer and it will happen.

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

Out of curiousity, say the next time your mom suggests staying busy or whatever, what would happen if you invited her to go someplace or do something with you? Would that be a potential disaster or do you think she might respond in a positive way?

 

[Judy02]

first a big warmfuzzy

you are right, you shouldn't... but you do. feelings are real and valid. you need something: so the answers are in how you cope with these things. depression, the blues, feeling sorry for yourself, whatever the reason may be... you have to take care of yourself. lovingly. treat yourself like a loved friend. self talk lovingly too. how about starting with a doctor visit? and a visit to your pastor. they are great for helping us get to the root so we can get back on track.

there are times in life where we feel that we have no friends. loneliness is common because so is change.
so draw close to Jesus. and continue reaching out to those around you. change may throw us off at first, but then we search out adjusting. Jesus will never leave you. search Him out to be real and walk with you. it's lovely when we feel Him walk with us. jump into the word and prayer and it will happen.

Thank you for your kind reply
I am considering going on anti depressants again and/or seeing a counsellor but I've been umming and arring about it for ages. I was on anti deps till about 2 months ago - I wanted to see how I'd cope without, plus I THOUGHT they were making me feel tired (I was on prozac at the time) but I think I was just tired due to stress and depression anyway at the time.

Please could 1 or 2 people pray I will make the right decision? Going on tabs seems scary in a way, and I'd rather manage without, but sometimes wonder it'd be better to be on?

Thank you

 

[Judy02]

Out of curiousity, say the next time your mom suggests staying busy or whatever, what would happen if you invited her to go someplace or do something with you? Would that be a potential disaster or do you think she might respond in a positive way?

She probably would respond in a positve way

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

Thank you for your kind reply
I am considering going on anti depressants again and/or seeing a counsellor but I've been umming and arring about it for ages. I was on anti deps till about 2 months ago - I wanted to see how I'd cope without, plus I THOUGHT they were making me feel tired (I was on prozac at the time) but I think I was just tired due to stress and depression anyway at the time.

Please could 1 or 2 people pray I will make the right decision? Going on tabs seems scary in a way, and I'd rather manage without, but sometimes wonder it'd be better to be on?

Thank you

I will pray!

 

[bennyk]

I felt like that before too, and am very slowly getting better but throughout the entire month of June I felt completely hopeless and even worse then you felt. Every second of my life was a struggle and it just hurt to be alive. I felt so alone. What got me through it was simply knowing that God was there with me. No matter how alone you ever feel, even if you feel that nobody cares (and that is not true because after hearing your story I care about you) you will always have God there with you. That is what got me through the hardest time of my life. I am still depressed but it is much easier to just live now, and I know I am getting better.

 

[Judy02]

Thanks for both your replies and offers of prayer!

I think things have gotton on top of me today, and I've just felt down. Still not having a job and a church in my hometown, and being socially isolated I guess doesn't help. I will try and draw closer to God xx

 

[Ruth~]

Good ideas you got there. God loves you and that means we should love ourselves just as much. We are not alone with God with us. I am praying for you.

 

[goldenviolet]

 

[Judy02]

hmmm, hi again. Not really sure exactly what to say but I feel awful today. Felt a bit better last night, today (as well as yest morning and the morning before) I just feel miserable. It's 12:51PM and I still haven't got dressed and got up coz I feel so miserable. I really rather not go back on anti depressants, but time will tell. I've been thinking of seeing a counsellor since being back home, but I'd really rather not go through this all again. Why can't I cope without going through all this again? Just got no energy today. I'm just a bit scared of seeing a christian counsellor (only seen non christian ones before) incase they're really judgemental, or think my problem isn't big enough. I don't have many friends down here which doesn't help. Coz I've come back from uni for three years, and have no job or church yet. Sigh, I dunno what I mean but I'm fed up. I can't think of anything to do today. I would visit my uni mates, but I still don't have the money to do that, its a rough cycle.

Really do wish I was dead sometimes, especially because everything's meant to be all happy, we'll be in heaven once we leave this life. Why can't God do that for me now, where I'll be happy coz this is supposed to be temporary anyway. Why does he take people who don't want to die, and leave us here who hate it?! Grr, sorry, little vent. I just sometimes don't know what to do about depression. I try to fight, sometimes it works, other days it comes right back to u in full force feeling like ur efforts were a complete waste. Why God?! Why can't I just function normally. What is the point of this...

 

[Judy02]

sigh...I just really don't know what to do anymore! I'm trying to look for work, and I can't be bothered with the stress of going on meds again - it'll make me all anxious about side effects etc. It's just I've got exam deferrals in may (i know that sounds ages away) but depression has made it virtually impossible to study at uni, and I need to be a fair bit better by may, because this I'm almost certain will be my last ever chance of doing my finals, graduating, and not wasting the last 3 years of my life!

 

[PrairieGurl]

OH JUDY ,

I find it frustrating that sometimes I have no words of "encouragement" (other than phrases that drive me nuts when people use them on me when I "feel" like you do now )

Dear Heavenly Father,
Please reach down with Your loving arms and wrap Judy up tight in them.

s to you!
Wendy

 

[walkmeonthewater]

The shortest verse in the Bible is John 11:35 Jesus wept.

He told His own mother and father, "Know ye not that I must be about My father's business?"

Part of the Gospel message, is to try to imitate Christ. Not just the sad and weeping part, but to 'be about our Father's business', by staying Christian in the midst of all our depression if nothing else. Staying alive for Him, so we can be spirit-filled vessels of the Holy Spirit, however sad we may be at times.

I get sad myself sometimes. No, it's true. I do not lead a charmed life. Whenever that happens, I often think, "Okay, life's not so great. But one thing's for sure. Today, I am one day closer to Paradise. All I have to do is keep hanging on." So I do.

I don't know if this helps a whole lot. Just thought I'd try to share a few words.

Lord, I lift up Judy in prayer, that you may bless and watch over her, and guide her invisibly with your holy angel each and every day, and give her happiness in the Lord. In Jesus name.

 

[Chubi]

Hi Judy,
Depression is an isidious illness, one that creeps up on you, day in, day out, yet when it finally hits you it is as though you have been hit by a freight train. I have suffered from depression, and I can tell you that I sympathise with you. What you are enduring now is horrendous. The great news is that you can start your recovery from depression immediately.
Firstly however, a quick note. If you begin to think about self harm again, seek assistance immediately. I cannot emphasise this enough. You are a precious soul, despite what you may think. I repeat, if you begin to think about self harm, seek assistance.
Unfortunately, depression is something that for the general populace, must be experienced to be understood. Many people think that you're just feeling 'down' or 'sorry for yourself'. You know perfectly well that this is not the case, however ponder this for a moment - Can you adequately explain everything that you feel right now? I know that when I was suffering from depression, my thoughts were like a million cars racing about on a million entangled highways - so if you can't explain how you feel, and they haven't suffered from depression, there is little chance that they will ever understand.
This is where the counsellor comes into the equation. I understand your fear - when depression has taken hold, feelings of inadequacy on every level are present. But fear not, I assure you that the Christian counsellor will provide you with all the assistance you need (also, they won't be judgemental - I promise you, they will treat you with the utmost respect).
Finally, a note on God. I asked the same questions that you are asking right now - and now, post-depression, I am still a Christian, posting on this site. The funny thing is Judy, I hated having depression - but the experience has brought me so much closer to God.
I'll pray for you Judy. You're a precious soul. Go to the counsellor. Perhaps discuss natural treatment for you illness (i.e. establish a routine, do regular exercise etc.)
You can get through this.
And remember
YOU ARE WORTH IT.