really depressed

[Remny]

Hey guys, man I'm sorry for all this stuff I bring to you lately. Just when I think things will go good SPLAT. I must seem like a real case. Anyhow all my plans now totally splat and it's back to the drawing board. My buddy Josh had some lame excuse about why he couldn't come back into town last night and I couldn't/can't deal with stuff like that anymore. I scrapped all plans with him. I don't know what's going on in his head and why he thinks it's ok to say one thing and do something totally different.

He still has my cell phone, I don't know when he'll finally decide to come back into town and give it back to me. He said he tried over night mailing it but they sent it back to him. I don't know why they'd do that. I feel like I did something wrong and I don't know what it is. Like I could have done something different and Josh woulda been more dependable. I just don't know. I really don't know what to do now. I applied for 17 Jobs last week, and havn't heard from any of them. I havn't been able to do my bussiness very well without my cell phone.

I went out to some clubs last night and everyone was so shallow and all they are after is sex or drugs or stupid things and it just brings me down. I'm not all into materializm, and I can go out and be all popular but it's just so worthless. I'm having a hard time finding friends that treat me the same way i treat them. It's like everyone has some crazy issue, and I can't figure out why people are doing the things they do in my life. I need fellowship in my life though and people I can count on. I was meant to be with other people. My world here is so crazy, people are SOOO BAD here. I'm not really one to be influenced by them or hang with them, but I'm a minority and I'm really lonely.

Now it seems the more I try to make things work the more pathetic I look. I really try to have faith that things will go alright, and I try to be optamistic, and now I'm running out of faith. People must just think I'm a freak when I'm always like "oh it'll all be great, yeah yeah" and then the next day it just all goes down the toilette.

I'm so pent up now I can barely concentrate on something for more then 10 minutes. I hate how people around me are so selfish and manipulative. That no one goes out of their way around here for anyone else but themselves. My friend Josh I must have done him 100 favors in the past 3 months and I never really thought about it and I don't even really need favors, just someone to do the things they say. It just hurts that I can put all this effort into people and they won't even blink when they go to flake on me or something. It's all so stressful and painful right now I don't have enough concentration to just hang out with my REAL friends and enjoy myself. Even though I have a couple really honerable good friends, they don't really know what I'm going through. I try not to make things their burden. I don't understand how I can feel so bad about a situation and another person in the situation not even care.

I don't know what Lessons God is trying to teach me with all this hardship. I really need mercy right now though. I have been putting so much effort into things lately and thought and prayer and I dare say it isn't doing me any good, and then I just wonder "what could I have done differently?"

Man I'm sorry to have gone on so long, but I just feel unbareable. I don't know how to cope, thanks for yer prayers...

BEN

 

[pandora]

some people dont have a clue and are takers. i know u are depressed, and i just had a freakout so i'm not really the most consoling right now... but do what u can to protect yourself. ben, i'm sorry... maybe when i get back from town i will have a gentler answer.... i am relieved tho to hear u scrapped plans with Josh... it didnt sound like that was going to be a normal ride. you deserve better than u have been treated. get a new cell phone on Monday. start new. i'll write more when i get back

 

[LittleLauraLost]

Hi Ben,
All I have to offer are my prayers but I will pray for you

It's great that you have been able to share all that you have.

Hang in there God will make a way

Love and prayers,
Laura

 

[Hopeful]

 

[Blynn]

I am praying for you, Ben.

 

[MetalBlade]

Don't worry man, sometimes the world can be a screwed up place to live in. Everytime I feel like you, I read Job, it usually helps me out. Anyways, I hope you get your cell phone back soon!

 

[kimmee]

praying!

 

[pandora]

ok back and feeling better. i'm gonna pray AGAIN hehe.... but if something else happens we're here to help u through.

 

[TANKERx]

Man, it may sound callas, but reading your post just after I posted one in the Depression forum really helped me understand some stuff. You're not alone fella! My prayers are with you because man, I feel the same right now!

 

[Didymus]

yeah you two could be brothers !! why don t you just buy a new cell phone ? I was wondering how you were doing. sorry things still aren t going well.

 

[OneFish]

Hey Bro,

Your not alone man, I assure you. Like I told TankerX over in his post, GOOD trustworthy friends are hard to find.

Man you sound so much like me, have no problem helping others bear their burdens, but don't quite know how to express or deal with it when you yourself are burdened. Mabye we should get TankerX and form some kinda lame club or something muhahahaha

... But I know dude, you won't blink or even think twice when someone needs help, but then don't know what to do when your own gas tank runs empty.

I lift up a prayer to the big guy for ya bro!

 

[wvmtnkid]

Remny, I pray that God will comfort you during this time and that He will touch your life and give you direction. I pray that he will provide better friends for you, friends that will care for you as they should another brother in Christ. Friends that won't disappoint you but will be there for you as a real friends should be.

 

[Bsign24]

Stay strong in your faith. That's all I can say, I know how it is to exploited by "friends" but you must remember that when moments like these happen it is important to stand firm in your faith, moments like these test your faith to the fullest, pray that God will lead you down the path He wants you to go, live your life in total surrender to Him, and everything will be alright. I'll be praying .
God Bless.