Realistic? Sometimes?

[KeilCoppes]

Hi, I am looking for a local ..... person....since long distance dating/courting is pretty hard and not realistic Thanks for understanding.

I am seeking a solid Christian man who is mature in his walk with the Lord and who's actions, behaviors, and words show his true character, beliefs, and what is in his heart. He needs to be a leader, a provider, have a sense of humor (love to laugh), and be a kind and loving man who knows and is willing to follow the roles that the Bible lays out for a husband and father.

I came across this profile recently. Her desire is an excellent one. What strikes me is this - the difference between "pretty hard" and "not realistic" with regard to long distance. It occurs to me that sometimes finding whom you seek and finding someone local can be mutually exclusive. If you find what you seek, what effort is .really. worth it in your world? The great blessing vs. "too much"?

 

[Cordelia]

I think, for some people, the sheer sacrifice that long-distance romance will probably entail is just too difficult. One of you ultimately has to uproot from the place where you'd built your life. Maybe this lady found that out the hard way...?

 

[Nico]

although my opinions could change, i've thought that starting a relationship long-distance to be more on the unrealistic side. it's harder to get to know someone that way. although....those obstacles could be used as a benefit, when perspective is flipped, to actually allow a more stable relationship that is based on truly understanding and communicating. ALL relationships are hard. i guess as i think about it more, everything in life has a basis in perception. if you are able to look @ an obstacle as actually a positive force then some truly great things can happen. there are times when it seems that people unnecessarily cut out options simply b/c they aren't able to shift their focus in order to see all sides and possibilities. i do, however, completely understand, especialy in the tender beginnings of a relationship, the desire for localness in the other. it's nice to see the face and relate the face w/the person you are getting to know.....

 

[invisiblebabe]

I don't think LDR's are unrealistic, provided things are taken slowly enough. LDR's also offer the added benefits of less temptation (when you can't be together physically, obviously it's pretty hard to go too far physically ), more communication (if most of your talking is on the phone or online and not activities together in person, you guys had better have a lot to talk about!).

If I found the guy who has all the qualities I've been looking for, and the connection was there, but he lived pretty far away, it'd still be worth a try in my book.

I also have several friends who are now married that had long-distance dating relationships or courtships (one being Illinois and New York, so even that type of distance IS doable).

 

[Tuffguy]

Maybe she lives in NYC w/a pop. of 1MM plus. So that wouldn't be unrealistic at all.

 

[boilerblues]

I had a friend just get married and their relationship was mostly long distance. It had it's advantages and a lot of difficulties. They met at a missions conference, both of them had a heart for Africa. It was cool to see. But I tend to be one to avoid long distance relationships, not that it's a problem.

 

[nhzname]

I've heard of a many successful LD relationships and figure I should leave myself open to whatever God has in mind. Distance is nothing to Him so, I don't want my unwillingness to prove to be a hinderance.

 

[Jakobray]

I've heard of a many successful LD relationships and figure I should leave myself open to whatever God has in mind. Distance is nothing to Him so, I don't want my unwillingness to prove to be a hinderance.

This is the way I think everyone shoudl think about LDRs but too many people instantly close their hearts and minds to them instantly. I would say that they are hard, not un realistic

 

[waterbear]

It probably depends on what the people want from the relationship and how they understand knowledge. If someone thinks knowledge is derived predominately from experiences (which are fundamently sense-driven), that person isn't well suited for a long-distance relationship - there isn't much to directly experience and the other person seems unknown. Someone with a more idea-driven idea of knowledge would be more inclined to believe he could learn about someone without actually going out. People also differ in their want for human interaction, though I wouldn't be surprised if that's also linked to how a person views knowledge (sense-driven: more human interaction, idea- driven: less human interaction).

 

[carmi]

I'd say searching local does limit a person. Any relationship requires trust, but in a long distance relationship it's more apparent. While oneself is not tempted by the partner, there is always the thought/fear that the partner might be tempted by someone else. Unless the person sits home all the time, you know he (she) meets people. And from what I understand, even the idea he is going to an afternoon tea at his local church can be stressful.

And I do notice that the majority of people are "physical" - they need the presence of their partner. They don't see the purpose or sense in being in a relationship with someone when they end up being by themselves most of the time, e.g. though they do have a romantic partner they end up going to the movies with a family member or with a couple of gals (if they are free and don't have a date with their significant others) or they end up being the 5th wheel. They do feel lonely, regardless of how often emails and phone calls are exchanged.

Although some of the most successful marriages recorded in the Bible were long distance. Isaac's wife came a long distance. And Ruth, now there's a very good example. She left everything and everyone behind, yes I know she was not emailing with her husband-to-be ... but had she stayed, she would have not ended up with (forgot his name, can't think of his name - Obed?) ...

 

[Cordelia]

And I do notice that the majority of people are "physical" - they need the presence of their partner. They don't see the purpose or sense in being in a relationship with someone when they end up being by themselves most of the time, e.g. though they do have a romantic partner they end up going to the movies with a family member or with a couple of gals (if they are free and don't have a date with their significant others) or they end up being the 5th wheel. They do feel lonely, regardless of how often emails and phone calls are exchanged.

That's a key point - at the end of the day, couples in LDRs just aren't together for much of the time, so physical loneliness is stressful. Plus, it's hard to see many different 'sides' of a person if you only see them on the odd date, which causes friction later on, in my experience.

 

[invisiblebabe]

Although some of the most successful marriages recorded in the Bible were long distance. Isaac's wife came a long distance. And Ruth, now there's a very good example. She left everything and everyone behind, yes I know she was not emailing with her husband-to-be ... but had she stayed, she would have not ended up with (forgot his name, can't think of his name - Obed?) ...

Boaz (Ruth is one of my fav books)

 

[wvmtnkid]

I've heard of a many successful LD relationships and figure I should leave myself open to whatever God has in mind. Distance is nothing to Him so, I don't want my unwillingness to prove to be a hinderance.

 

[Inperfected]

quite honestly, what does she mean local... she could mean same state, not town... Thing is i know i wouldn't want to move island for a guy, but i'd be prepared to move town if thatmakes sence.. i think local area isn't excusive, it is realistic...