Real love vs virginity

[brenda_pulido]

How sorry to read that virginity is so a crucial issue, specially in this forum.

I truly believe that love is more than a tissue. It has to do with forgiveness and acceptance.

 

[holo]

I think it's such an issue because of the many virgins here. If two non-virgins get married or whatever, I guess it's a very different issue. If you've never had sex, obviously you'll be curious about what it does to you.

 

[renaistre]

How sorry to read that virginity is so a crucial issue, specially in this forum.

I truly believe that love is more than a tissue. It has to do with forgiveness and acceptance.

It's a crucial issue for a lot of us here because it really does say something about a person's beliefs, especially if that person has been a Christian their whole life. The vast majority of people here would not condemn someone for not being a virgin if that person has been pure since being saved.

This might not be a perfect analogy, but let’s try it anyway: Most people wouldn’t want to marry someone who was a criminal, say a bank robber. But I would bet that if one person was still actively in the bank robbing business, and another had sincerely repented, turned himself in, and accepted the penalty for his actions, that most people would be far more willing to overlook the past of the second person than that of the first person.

A lot of us here believe that sex before marriage is a sin. Also, it’s generally true that marriages will be much pleasanter, not to mention much more likely to stay intact, if both partners have similar moral beliefs. The fact that I would like my future wife to be a virgin (like I am) is because it will be evidence that she feels just a strongly about this subject as I do. Again though, I would overlook mistakes made in the past if I was confidant that she had changed.

I guess I could sum it up this way: Yes, love has to be able to forgive and accept, but that in no way means that virginity is not an important issue.

-Evan

 

[plum]

hey, virginity is an issue for those of us non-virgins who think it wasn't worth the rushing and who are committed to our change of heart we've had since losing our virginity. born-again virgins, baby. there's tons of us out there

 

[Mr.Cheese]

Crazy stuff happens when you're young. So I don't hold anything against anyone.

 

[fishstix]

How sorry to read that virginity is so a crucial issue, specially in this forum.

I truly believe that love is more than a tissue. It has to do with forgiveness and acceptance.

Should I be apologizing for agreeing with what the Bible says about sex???

 

[Shannonkish]

I am so lost.

 

[Breetai]

I'm a born again virgin! I just hope that I'm not a born again virgin a few times....

 

[Jack_Racz]

I am confused about what this thread is on.... but

Crazy stuff happens when you're young. So I don't hold anything against anyone.

I have made more mistakes than I wish to discuss
But if the Almighty can forgive me I can't say anything to anybody about their past.

 

[MusicMelOU]

If we're virgins we should cling to that until we're married because it is very clear in the Bible that God wants us to save ourselves for our wives/husbands.

However, if one has lost one's virginity, it is yet another good excuse for us to need Jesus so much for forgiveness .

Through Christ one can be clean again

 

[holo]

Should I be apologizing for agreeing with what the Bible says about sex???

No, you should forgive and love someone even if they haven't lived up to your, or the Bible's, standards.
Let's say you decided to not be with someone because they're not a virgin. It would be both your losses, but the fault would be yours, since you couldn't handle it.

 

[DatingSmarts]

hi brenda

i think you will find the same thing in the world at large.

I happen to find it reprehensible and disgusting that men who are no longer virgins insist on having a virgin bride.

Another thing I find reprehensible and disgusting are men who are no longer virgins, yet sleep around, and hold it against a woman for doing the same thing.

MOre often than not, it is men who are unforgiving in this department compared to women.

Why?

i'll tell you why....society gives men more leeway and acceptance to engage in sexual behaviors and practices, while it unjustly restrains women from doing the same thing.

AT the time the Bible was written it was permitted for men to have many wives but it was forbidden for women to have numerous sex partners, women were essentially slaves, and it was forbidden for women to leave a man who had many wives... err... sex slaves.

yeah...that's it

Women really had value only if they were virgins....which is just not a christian attitude. in OT terms women were just objects to be used for a man's pleasure. they had no value outside of their sexuality. This is what it means to look upon a woman lustfully...to commit adultery...therefore....all men were guilty of adultery....not women.

 

[LadyBird]

You can have real love and still be a virgin. Haven't you ever heard that old saying/proverb/quote: "True Love waits." That means that you will wait until AFTER you are married to have sex with your spouse.

 

[fishstix]

No, you should forgive and love someone even if they haven't lived up to your, or the Bible's, standards.
Let's say you decided to not be with someone because they're not a virgin. It would be both your losses, but the fault would be yours, since you couldn't handle it.

I can forgive and love someone and still decide that they wouldn't be a good spouse for me. I don't have to go out with them or even continue going out with them if I already was in order to proove that I love and forgive them.

 

[Shannonkish]

I agree with you Fish.. Never settle for anything than God's best for your life.

 

[jude125]

Virginity is a big issue for my boyfriend and I. We've been together for a year and a half and we're both virgins. THe temptation has been there to have sex, but we both want to and will be virgins on our wedding night.

I know that it is an issue for me because whenever I give myself to him I want to have a wedding ring on my finger. I want our wedding night to be something new and special, not something that we've done before. To me it wouldn't mean as much.

I know that I would forgive him if her weren't a virgin, but I think that there is something ulrta-special about a wedding night when both people are virgins.

 

[stubbornkelly]

I completely agree that you can forgive and love someone and still decide they aren't the right person for you. Nothing wrong with that. We tend to think forgiveness with lack of consequences are synonymous. They aren't.

I'd like to comment on the "as long it was before they were saved" sentiment. By that logic, no Christian should be a sinner, which we know is impossible. If we can only overlook sins committed while still lost, we're essentially denying the fact that we still sin as Christians, and that's a real problem.

Both those things said, I do think we dwell too much on virginity. I'm not discounting the Bible's word on the subject, not at all. It just seems to be an over-discussed issue on these boards and in life. It shouldn't be a litmus test. Really.

 

[fishstix]

It shouldn't be a litmus test. Really.

Yet it certainly can be a good indicator of a person's character and values; especially if in addition they currently think that premarital sex is no big deal.

 

[stubbornkelly]

" . . . especially if in addition they currently think that premarital sex is no big deal."

In fact, I think that may be the only issue.

Any sin is going to be a possible signifier of a person's values and character. And we all sin. None is worse than another (not to be confused with none having greater Earthly consequences than another, of which being rejected as a marriage prospect by some is certainly one). So maybe sin signifies that we are what God says we are - fallible humans. I just don't buy the argument that sexual history (again, history being the important part here, I'm not speaking of present belief or action) should be the litmus test of character or determination of values. If a person has repented and changed their behavior, I would think that would be a more important indicator of character and moral values.

I'll give a non-sexual example. My father is a convicted felon. He doesn't do what he did to get convicted anymore. Is he a man of good character? Absolutely. Was he always? Eh, taken as a whole person, yes. Is he trustworthy? Yes. Do I trust him? For the most part (that "for the most part" part would be an Earthly consequence of his actions).

My basic point is that if past sin is an indication of present bad character, none of us has good character. In fact, if current sin is an indication of current bad character, the same applies (although I will certainly make a point that intent is the thing I look at when it comes to current sin - is the person intentionally sinning or are they striving for Godliness and simply do as we are told we will -- fail at attaining it). And then we have to find some other litmus test. And what will that be?

 

[fishstix]

" . . . especially if in addition they currently think that premarital sex is no big deal."

In fact, I think that may be the only issue.

Any sin is going to be a possible signifier of a person's values and character. And we all sin. None is worse than another (not to be confused with none having greater Earthly consequences than another, of which being rejected as a marriage prospect by some is certainly one). So maybe sin signifies that we are what God says we are - fallible humans. I just don't buy the argument that sexual history (again, history being the important part here, I'm not speaking of present belief or action) should be the litmus test of character or determination of values. If a person has repented and changed their behavior, I would think that would be a more important indicator of character and moral values.

Point taken. On another note, after reading the discussions on this topic here, I've also come to the conclusion that in addition to being a virgin, another important indicator is a person's attitude toward and value/lack of value for virginity. In other words, discovering that a person doesn't think that virginity is important would also make me very hesitant to get into a relationship with them, even if they were still a virgin. I'm beginning to think that the whole "unequally yoked" business could be extended to include being yoked to believers who differ greatly in values - including but not limited to the value placed on virginity. Not that it would be wrong, but that it would be unwise to be "unequally yoked" in that manner.