Reaching the end of my rope...

[Morpheus31]

I'm about at the end of my rope here... it would take a volume to write down all the things that I would need to to give sufficient background into where I'm at sitting right here.

But in short, I'm will be getting a divorce soon... I'm still struggling with depression to an extent that is overwhelming right now. 

The odd thing is that I'm completely aware that saying this on a forum to a bunch of people that don't know me from Adam is insane.  There should be many more healthy places I could be looking to, but I can't think of one right now.  I'm a Christian, but my Christian life has been lacking now for the majority of 7 years.... I don't even know where to begin trying to reconcile that.

I want to die.  I don't know any other way to put it.  I've been down this road before and have been too gutless to do anything about it each time.  I'm isolated and don't know who to talk to.  The obvious answers are glaring me in the face... talk to God, talk to my family, talk to someone - but the part of me that feels self-defeated just doesn't want to. 

I wish I could disappear and cease to exist.

I'm sorry for wasting your time.  Please pray for me.

 

[Didaskomenos]

You got it brother.  Don't despair - I'm praying for you.  You'll get through this, one way or another. 

 

[GraftMeIn]

You're not wasting anyones time here.
Listen to that part of you saying talk to God, He knows better than anyone what you're going through. He's still there, he never leaves us. Not even when we fall away from him. He loves us more than we know. He can and will take care of you. All we have to do to reconcile with him is tell him we know we fell away and that we're sorry we did, and we want to give our lives back over to him.

I will be praying for you tonight, I place you in his hands. May he comfort and see you through this time of trouble.

 

[psycmajor]

Thank you for coming to the Christian Forums! Welcome!

First of all, do not give yourself the opportunity or means to commit suicide.

Secondly, the end of your marriage does not have to mean the end of your life (literally or otherwise).

You aren't taking up our time. It is better to seek help from strangers than from no one at all. The Lord cares about you.

 

[KeepTheFaith15]

oh goodness girl dont go there dont commit suicide i love you god loves you we all here love you and your not wasting our time. ive been to the end of my rope alot of time but dont despair when you think it cant ever get better it does! follow god with your mind body and spirit keep strong in your faith, dont let satan take you over and make you feel worthless, i bet you felt as if it's your fault the marriage fell apart, but it's not. dont sell yourself short i prayed for you, may you find confort and strength and peacefulness. god bless
jade

 

[Blessed-one]

well, if u've given up on life, think on how Jesus has almost given up on life too (on the brink of despair in the garden when he prayed before Judas came and betrayed him), but He refused to give in, and clung to God instead.
For all His life, Jesus has endured rejection and pain (as well as praises, yeah), but He came out of it as a triumphant King! and how did He do it? by refusing to give in to life's circumstances and relying on God instead...
"cast all your anxieties on Him"

talk to someone for goodness's sake! i often find my fear such a hindrence, maybe you need to cast away your fear and do as God's advising you to (as you said you've been through this before). Repetition allows us to see our mistakes and allow us the chance to retify it.

i'll be praying.... May God bless you.

 

[mel3]

You are seeking christians to lift you up in prayer, what is insane about that? You were right where you needed to be the moment you entered this forum. I am new, too, just logged in for the first time a few minutes ago. Why am I here, dunno know, maybe to become someone's friend. God knows and that is what is important. He led you and I both here for one reason or another, right? Maybe it is because I have been in similiar shoes, quite a few years ago, though, with the divorce part. Cried terribly over the marriage, shut myself completely down from family and friends and wanted to die. Why didn't I ? Because somewhere within me was that small still voice that said He had plans for me. That He loved me. Didn't want to here about it though. Even fought it now that I look back and can recognize other poor choices I made futher down the road. When I did finally come to my senses and opened my heart and soul (and ears) to listen and to seek Him, boy did he have plans! I have now been married to my "new" husband for twelve years. I am a mom of three boys and I see clearly the plans He had. To make this alittle bit shorter, I had to recognize that He was listening to me, but wanted me to also listen to Him. He sees your pain, your heartbreaks, all of it. He wants to help You, do you believe that? Take it all to Him, everyday, everything. You can overcome this, with Him. And in the mean time, if He leads you to come to this forum, it's not insane.....

 

[Sharky]

Dear morpheous.

We know it is painful. Sometimes its normal to look back and see how many times you've slipped and the results of them end up as scars now. But you have to remember that even as christians, we will fall over here and there. God feels your pain. He cares. You can rest assured that He is still in control and he may have something up His sleeve just for you.

Things may or may not work out to the way you wanted but put your trust in Him. You may have been separated from a loved one but God is always beside you. Cheer up mate. God may still need you to do something for Him and this hard time you are going through may be part of it.

Have you heard of the song Lean on me? It's a good song and to me, i feel like it teaches me something very special.

 

[GreenEyedLady]

Morpheus31

I AM SORRY THAT YOU ARE IN SO MUCH PAIN. YOU SAID YOU ARE A CHRISTIAN BUT WHERE ARE YOU I YOUR WALK WITH THE LORD?

MY 6 YEAR OLD HAS BEEN SAYING THE SAME THING. SHE WANTS TO KILL HERSELF. I TOLD HER, SHE CANNOT SEE HER SISTER, WHO IS NOW IN HEAVEN IF SHE KILLS HERSELF.

GOD MADE YOU. HE DOESN'T WANT YOU TO TAKE MATERS INTO YOUR OWN HANDS.
BELIEVE ME, I HAVE THE SAME THOUGHTS EVER NOW AND THEN. JUST TO RUN AWAY AND GO SOMEWHERE WHERE NO ONE KNOWS ME. BUT THAT IS TOO EASY. THAT IS NOT WHAT IS BEST FOR ME OR MY LIFE. IF I RUN...IT WILL STILL BE THERE. IF I DIE, SATAN WINS. HE HAS ALREADY DESTORYED MY LIFE, WHY SHOULD I LET HIM WIN???

WHY SHOULD YOU LET HIM WIN? YOU REALLY WANT THAT?

ALOT OF IS, WHO ARE CHILDREN OF GOD, WALK IN OUR LIFE AND THINK WE CAN HANDLE IT ALL. INSTEAD OF GIVING THE LORD OUR TRUST. I HAVE FAILED MANY TIMES. BUT IN THE TIMES THAT I HAVE FAIL, THE LORD HAS SHOWED ME THAT HE IS THERE, AND HE IS WORKING.

OF COURSE YOU DON'T WANT TO TALK, THAT IS EXATCLY WHAT SATAN WANTS. HE WANTS TO DESTROY YOU. HE WANTS YOU TO TAKE IT ALL ON. HE WANTS YOU TO DESTROY YOURSELF. THEN WHAT? THEN HE WALKS AWAY LAUGHING...SAYING TO HIMSELF.."ONE FOR ME"

ISN'T THAT JUST HOW SIN HAPPENS? ITS LIKE A SODA THAT YOU SEE WHEN YOUR REALLY THIRSTY AND YOU TAKE A BIG GULP AND FIND OUT ITS WARM AND FLAT AND NASTY. YOUR THRIST IN NOT QUENCHED. IT LOOKS REAL GOOD, BUT LATER YOU FIND OUT ITS NOT GOOD.

I PRAY THAT WHAT EVER I WRITE IS HELPING YOU. I PRAY THAT YOU CAN FIND THE POWER OF GOD THE MOST HELPFUL THING IN YOUR LIFE, NOT JUST WHEN YOUR DOWN AND LIFE IS DRAGGING, BUT WHEN YOU ARE HAPPY ALSO.

I PRAY THAT YOU PRAY FOR THE HOLY SPIRIT TO FILL YOU, TO TAKE ON STRENGTH, TO GUIDE YOU, AND TO PROTECT YOU.
THAT IS WHAT I HAVE BEEN DOING FOR THE LAST MONTH AND A HALF...TO TELL YA THE TRUTH...I WOULDN'T BE HERE IF I DID HAVE THE HOLY SPIRIT.

YOU ARE IN MY PRAYERS.
GEL

 

[Carlitos]

Hey dude, God will never put so much in your plate that you cannot handle. If you feel like you cannot take it all, that is Satan talking to you and you need to shut him out of your life. I'm praying that you find the strenght to do this and realize that God is gonna give you the strength to get through this. I'm also praying that you can find somebody to talk to in person that will feel your pain and help you get through this.

Please don't feel worthless. You mean so much to God and he loves you so much I or anybody else here couldn't even come close to describing just how much He loves you, man. Nothing can deny this love. There is nothing you can do in this life that will make Him stop. Besides, there are tons of people in this forum that accept you and love you as a fellow brother in Christ and that certainly don't want you doing this to yourself.

 

[ZiSunka]

God will never give you more than you can bear, but He will take you right to the edge of what you can bear.

I know that from where you are right now, it is hard for you to pray for yourself, so I am going to pray for you.

Dear Lord, Morpheus31is at the edge. He can't take anymore and is so stressed out and depressed that he wants to die. But we know that the only reason he wants to die is to end the pain. Please Lord, lighten his load, switch some of that burden onto your own shoulders, pick up part of his tremendously heavy load, and give him rest, like you said you would do for all who labor and come to you. Please respond to his pleas of mercy, allowing him only to deal with the troubles you have sent to sanctify and refine him, and no more. Keep satan away from his door, and break any burden that comes from the evil one without your permission. Amen.

 

[fieldmouse3]

I stand in agreement with Lambslove's prayer.

 

[lostnfound551]

I hear you Morpheus!! I feel like I'm in about the same boat. I'm a wreck most of the time. I've been so angry with God lately. I've felt so abandoned. I feel like if God loves me so much why won't He even acknowledge my prayers. I don't know how I should deal with all of this doubt. (and lately, quite frankly, outright disbelief) I've tried walking away from God and that doesn't even work. He won't let me go. I am always, somehow drawn back.

This idea just came to me as I was typing. I don't know if I'm being led or just grasping for straws. Why couldn't we pray for each other? What could it hurt?

"Father, I'm here. I don't know why. I feel like I've been dragged here. I don't know what to say. I feel as though all I really need from you  right now Lord is a hug, a slap in the head or anything. Anything that might show me that you are there and hearing this.  I can't speak for Morpheus Lord but I sense that he is feeling the same way and I lift him up to you too. I pray this in Jesus name. Amen."

Morpheus, you should know that I have never done anything like this in my entire life. Not ever. And a place so public! I have seen God work. He delivered me from hopeless alcoholism 10 years ago. You must have seen Him work too or you wouldn't be here. It just seems like it's been so long since I've heard from Him. Maybe I'm not listening right. I don't know when the excitement began to fade. I don't know. I guess that's what the prayer's for.

Please feel free ( not obligated) to pray for me as well brother.

Brian

 

 

 

 

[Readthebook]

Hi, sending you an angel to watch over you in your time of need.  Keep your chin up and don't give up.  Remember, when God allows us to suffer, it's usually to show us something about ourselves that will help us to grow strong.  He is always by your side.  Only a prayer away.  Look to Him and lay all your fears and hurts at the foot of the cross.  He cares and so do I.  God bless you.  You are in my prayers.