Re-Written LOTR Script(s)

[Vixen Evenstar]

Ok,this is one of my wacky creations. This is my version of The Fellowship of the Rings. Forgive the white writing, I had to copy this off another sight. Characters-

Frodope

Pupin

Mary

Samp

Gandaft

Aregornt

Boreyoumore

Legsalass

Gimply

SCENE ONE

Frodope sits in a tree reading a book. Suddenly he hears the sound of coconuts being bashed together.

*clop clop clop*

He looks up to see a horse and buggy coming up the road.

Frodope- GANDAFT! *he tries to get out of the tree and ends up falling on his head.*

Frodope:OOF! Ow.......my poor head..........

Gandaft: Get up you idiot! You hobbits....... *shakes his head*

Frodope: Gandaft! Its you!

Gandaft: Of course its me..........what were you expecting!? Santa Clause??????

Frodope: Uhhhhh......

Gandaft: Never mind. Hows your uncle Bobo? *sets off fire works. Hitting a bunch of annoying hobbit bratts that were trailing along behind them. *

*Gandaft pushes Frodope off the cart then goes onto Bag End*

Knock! Knock!

Bobo: Go AWAY! No more sales people! I have quite enough handy dandy apple peelers, vacume cleaners and Mormen Bibles!

Gandaft: What about very old friends?????

Bobo: Thats even WORSE! Iv'e got a 44 in my hand! GO AWAY!

Gandaft: Its ME Bobo!

*the door opens*

Bobo: Oh its you. Thats ok then.

Gandaft: HOLY! You havn't aged a day!

Bobo: Jealous eh?

Gandaft: Its not naturel I'll bet........

Bobo: Watever, come on in I'll make a cup of tea or something like that......

*After a long boring conversation were Bobo complains about being old and Gandalf pours his tea on him the two go out and smoke their pipes.*

Bobo: *cough! cough!* look what i did! *hack! cough!*

Gandaft: Thats *hack! choke!* just a wimpy ring! *blows a huge ship through the ring *hack!! cough!!!* hahaha!

*near by Frodope is dancing *

Frodope: Hey Samp! Go dance with Rosy!

Samp: *quite drunk* I'll have more ale....*hiccup*

Frodope pushes him on top of Rosy.

Rosy: Ow! Get of me you big fat-

Samp: shutup! im not fat! Im big boned!

*Bobo gets up to make a speech*

Crowd of hobbits: Booooo! *they throw rotten tomatos*

Bobo: thank you ! Thank you! You know today is my......uh.......oh dear how old-oh never mind! I'll get to the point! * he suddenly dissapears*

Crowd: YAY! HOORAY! NO SPEECH!

*you hear the pit pat of hobbit feet, see the gate open and then-

CLUNK!

Bobo: Ow! What the- who put that stupid gate tree in my way!?

Gandaft: I suppose you think that was terribly clever......WELL IT WASNT! Your so stupid! Can't even see were your going!

Bobo: Ow! *Takes of the ring* I know what your thinking! You want the ring!

Gandaft: DO NOT TAKE ME FOR SOME CONJERER OF CHEAP TRICKS! *pulls a rabbit out of his hat* Oh my, how did that happen..........*lunges at Bobo and trys to grab the ring*

Bobo: Its my own! My preciousssssss! *kicks Gandaft in the shin*

Gandaft: Ow! Just kidding! Honest Bobo! I don't want the stupid thing!

Bobo: Oh.....

Gandaft: However there is one very bad dude who wants it so you can't take it with you.

Bobo: oh........

Gandaft: So give it to Frodope ok?

Bobo: Alright. *puts it on the mantel piece and walks out singing 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall*

Gadaft slams the door after him.

Gandaft: At last its MINE! *stands there for a full three minutes uttering deranged sounds* My preciousssssssss! *while he sucks on his pipe. Just as he is about to grab the ring and high tale it outta there Frodope comes in*

Gandaft: Crud!

Frodope: He's gone isnt he?

Gandaft: Yes, *mutters under breath* Thank God.....he left the ring to you.....give it to me.

Frodope: NO! I wants it! Its myn! My precious!!!!!!


Gandaft: You don't say it right........

Frodope: WHAT!?

*Gandaft then spend a full hour teaching him to say "My precious" right.







More to come

 

[Psyber freek]

lol, that was hilarious, especially after seeing the movie a couple days ago.

 

[Vixen Evenstar]

After Frodope has mastered the art of pronouncing "precious" properly Gandaft hears a noise under the window*

Gandaft: What was that?

*he strides over to the window and pokes the bush with his stick*

Bush: OWCH!

*Gandaft hauls a scared looking Samp into the room*

Gandaft: How much did you hear?

Samp: Seems to me like you were trying to steal a ring from Frodope........

Gandaft: THATS NOT TRUE YOU STUPID LITTLE-

Samp: Ahh! Don't turn me into anything unaturel!

Gandaft: Oh nothing unaturel! Maybe a frog.....no wait, a toad. Wizards always turn people to toads! Or is that witches? Ah never mind.....some blasted princess will come along and kiss you anyhow.........

Samp:Really? Well then on second thought-

Gandaft: Never mind. You will go with Frodope to the the Prancing Pony and meet me there.

*Gandaft vanishes in a puff of smoke*

Frodope: I HATE it when he does that.........

*the two hobbits set out. Once they reach the corn feild Samp starts to wine about being far from home and Frodope has to hit him on the head with a stick before he stops*

Frodope: Come ON stupid what could possibly happen-

*THUNK!*

Pupin: Why its Frodope! *he makes no effort to get off poor Frodope*

Frodope: Can't...........breath...........

*Samp throws him off Frodope*

Samp: GET OFF! What are you trying to DO??? *he suddenly sees what Pupin and Mary have in their hands*

Samp: OH! You've been into Mrs. Maggots bedroom again!

Pupin: Its only some diamonds!

Mary: And some pearls!

Pupin: And there was those silk stockings the Yesterday

Mary: and that gold watch the day before!

*They run and then dive down a bank*

Pupin: My point is - OOF! Shes clearly-Owch! over reacting....OW!

*They land at the bottem in a heap*

Frodope: Pupin, get your elbow out of my ear.

 

[Blessed-one]

this is just toooo funny... especially with changes in names. LOL!

 

[Kookaburra]

hahahahaha . . . :: tries to breath ::

 

[Vixen Evenstar]

*suddenly Frodope screams -*

Frodope: GET OFF THE ROAD!

*Pupin, Mary and Samp jump of the road, stuffing mushrooms into their faces*

*suddenly a scary black dude on a motercycle roars up the road*
Mary: Whats that?

Pupin: Wow! I want one of those!

Frodope: Shut up you fools!

*the scary black dude hops of the motercycle and starts sniffing around*

Scaryblackdude: I smell..........perfume......

*Pupin chucks a log into the bushes*

Scaryblackdude: Ack! Who's throwing logs!?

*Being the total idiot he is he rides off to persue the log*

Samp: RUN!

Mary: RUN FAST!

Frodope: GO GO GO!

Pupin: I want one of those things.............

*suddenly they are aware of a roaring noise behind them*

Samp: ONE OF THE BAD DUDES!!!!

Frodope: He's after us!

Mary: Huckle Berry Ferry! Follow me!

*the four hobbits race to the river and jump onto the ferry in the nick of time, leaving the swearing motercycle dude behind*

Mary: HORRAY!

*Once they reach the city of bree and find the prancing pony the four hobbits celebrate their daring escape buy getting drunk*

Pupin: It comes in gallons?????? IM GETTING ONE!

*suddenly Frodope becomes aware of some one staring at him*
Frodope: Who is that strange guy looking at me and why do i smell something really vile??????

Fatpubownerdude: Oh, thats Strider. Dangerous person he is! He has not had a bath in years!

Samp: Well, i wish he would stop looking at us! I must look a mess! *he goes to the mens room to try to fix his hair and wash off some of the mud.*



*suddeny both hobbits look hear a loud voice.*

Pippen: BAGGINS!? OH YES YOU MEAN MR.FRODO BAGGINS! HE'S OVER THERE! AND YOU KNOW........HE HAS A MAGIC RING THAT MAKES HIM TURN INVISABLE! HIC!

*frodope jumps up*
Frodope: Shut up you fool! *suddenly he trips and accidently puts the ring on. *poof!*

*he vanishes* *Frodope flownders around in the mist.....seeing strange and horribly grotesque images*

Frodope: WAAAAAA!!!! Its Michael Jackson!!!! *he pulls off the ring and suddeny the strange smelling dude hauls him up by his coat*

Strider (Aragornt): You draw far to much attention to yourself! Thats no trinket you carry!

Frodope: You CAN'T HAVE MY PRECIOUSSSSSS!

Strider (Aragornt): Wow.....you say that good!

Frodope: I know....i was taught by a wizard.

*suddenly Samp, Mary and Pupin burst in*

Samp: What did you do with the ring-uh i mean.......let him go longshanks!!!!!

 

[will_wait4Him]

lol! please, keep going!!!!!

 

[Blessed-one]

it's a good laugh.

 

[CJF]

Those are great!

 

[Vixen Evenstar]

Strider (aragornt): You can't have the ring! I want- er.....i mean, your brave.....but not brave enough because i know what hunts you!

Samp: You've gone and messed that line all up dunder head!

Pupin: You mean DANDRUFF head! Look at his hair!

Mary: Gross!

*later that night you see four ominous figures creeping into the hobbits room, they have leather jackets, tattoos and sport earings in everything that can possibly be piereced. They pull switch blades and stab the beds full of pillows*

Evildude#1: PILLOWS!?

*You see Pupin, Mary, Samp. Frodope and Aragornt in a different room*

Strider (aragront): I'll tell you this now so the auther of this stupid story does not have to keep typing Strider (aragornt) all the time.......my name is Aragornt. We should go now.

Frodope: But Gandaft said-

Aragornt: Who cares what that stupid idiotic old geezer says?! We have to GO NOW!

Frodope: Alright! Alright!

*The next morning finds them traveling on the open country side*

Frodope: Were are we going?

Aragornt: Rivendale, to see the blasted elves..........

Mary: Im hungry!

Pupin: Me to.

*Aragornt chucks apples at them and Pupin falls to the ground with a bleeding nose.*

Pupin: OW! You 'it be inna nose......

Samp: Stop wining! We get to see elves!

*Suddenly bad dudes appear out of no were and Stab Frodope. This makes Aragornt realy mad for some reason, so he sets one on fire, of course the stupid evil dude had a can of gasoline in his pocket..........*

WOOF!

Baddude#3: OWOWOWOOOWOW !!!!! IM BURNING!



*They run away and Aragornt runs to get some weed (he says its to fix frodope but Samp strongly suspects its for other purposes)*

Aragornt: Weed! Weed......gotta get weed.......

Unknown voice: Whats this a ranger caught of his gaurd? Say is that weed.........

*Aragornt looks up to see a very pretty elf lady*

Aragornt: 'Bout time you showed! Some dope got hiself hurt. You can go fix him.

* They run to frodope and Arwen mumbles some gobbeldy gook over him that does not work.*

Arwen: I have to go take him to Rivendale!

Aragornt: Fine, hurry up about it!

*she sets of on her horse, and pretty soon the bad dudes find her and chase after on the motercylces. After a long race she crosses the river and they stop for some reason, on the other side*

Baddude#1: Give up the halfling she- elf!

Arwen: If you want him, come and claim him because I certaintly don't want him.

*Now for some reason they can suddenly come over, and they start to come over.*

Arwen: Higgldy piggldy rockl diggley diggly dockle the mouse ran up the clockle hocus pocus abra cadabra beam me up scotty!

*They all wait in expectation. Suddenly a hobbit comes out with a hose*

Hobbit: Ya said the wrong words lady, but here you go...........

*he sprays the black dudes*

Blackdude#2: IEY! THATS REAL LEATHER YOUR GETTING WET!

Blackdude#1: My motercycle! Your getting it wet!

*they ride away in pannick*

 

[Kookaburra]

AH! Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!


:: falls down, clutching sides ::

 

[Vixen Evenstar]

Heck...might as well bring this back...

*Later Frodope wakes up in a large feather bed*

Frodope: Were am i?

Gandaft: In a large feather bed, dope.

Frodope: GANDAFT!

Gandaft: Yes, is the ring safe? Have you got it?

Frodope: Yes......

*Gandaft pounces on him, trying to grab the chain around Frodopes neck.*

*Elronk enters*

Elronk: GANDAFT! He needs rest!

Gandaft: Oh yes, of course........

*the two wander off as Samp comes flying in*

Samp: BLESS YOU YOUR AWAKE!

Frodope: Yes.

Samp: Right.

Frodope: er..*forgets his lines*

*Later Frodope is in a secret council and he watches as everyone screams at eachother.*

Frodope: I'll TAKE IT!

*Gandaft shakes his head sadly*

Gandaft: I KNEW he would end up with it all along!

*Aragorn pleges himself to Frodope, then Legsalass the elf comes forward, then nearly faints as Gimply the dwarf does as well. Suddenly Samp comes running out*

Samp: Your not taking the ring away- I mean...im going to!

*Pupin and Mary tumble out of the underbrush*

Pupin: Us to! Were coming to!

Mary: You will have to tie us up in a sack and throw us in the river to stop us!

*Gandaft gets a strange look in his eye*
*Gandaft starts toward Merry, but is stopped by Elronk.*

Pupin: Right! So, were are we going?

*Gimply hits him over the head with the handle of his axe*

*soon the fellowship sets off*

Legsalass: We've been walking for hours! My pack is killing my back! Can't we rest yet?

Gimply: Stop snivling elf! If you had not packed all those hair care products your pack wouldnt way so much!

Leglass: Well, my hair would get dirty.

Aragornt: *mutters under breath* dirty hair is sexy..........

Pupin: Say! looky here! I found a bottle of ale!

*before anyone can stop him he drinks it all*

Frodope: You don't just go around drinking bottles of ale you find lying on the ground!

Gimply: dont worry about it. That wasn't ale. It was that blasted elf's bubble bath..........

Legsalass: YOU DRANK MY BUBBLE BATH!?

 

[Charity Munroe]

That's great! Keep going! Hehe.

 

[Vixen Evenstar]

Pupin: Hic! Tasted like strawberries.........

Legsalass: You stupid little-

Aragront: WHAT?! You expected to take a bubble bath in the river?!

Legsalass: Well, at least i would be clean then! Unlike certain people!

Merry: What else have you got in there? *he grabs the elf's pack and dumps it in the dirt*
*the fellowship stands there looking at the contents of Legsalas's bag.*

Mary: Hair brush, hair jell, hair elastics, hair clips, hair dryer.....? Were do you think your going to plug that in?

Legsalass: Give it back! Don't dump all my stuff in the dirt!

Pupin: hic! Whats with all this-hic! stuff? You think this is some kinda sleep over party? hic!

Legsalass: WHAT!? You want me to have hair like Aragornt?!

*Aragornt is still muttering about how sexy his hair is*

Legsalass: I mean.....its DISGUSTING!

Aragornt: WHAT!? My hair is NOT disgusting!?

Legsalass: Is TO! Just LOOK at it!

Aragornt: Oh YEAH!? Well who has the girl friend, hey? I got a hot elf babe and you don't have anyone! Not even a human girl wants you! Cause they all think that your one of them!

*Everyone can see that Aragornt has hit a sensitive spot because Legsalass starts to develope a twitch in his left eye.*

Legsalass: Thats not true! I got tons of chicks drooling over me!

Aragornt: Yeah right!

Mary: Hey. Guys why don't we just sit down and have a beer ok?

Pupin: Me to?!

Mary: Not you. You've had one.

Pupin: *wining* But it WASN'T one!!! hic!

*The fellowship sits down and they all have a beer, exept Aragornt who was busy squirting Legsalas's shampoo out onto the ground when he was not looking.*
* the fellowship moves on until Legsalass stops them*

Legsalass: Wait! I sense something!

Gimply: What!? You have some sorta blasted elf sensing powers?

Legsalass: No, i have a radar.

*suddenly a huge flock of birds is flying over head*

Legsalass: TAKE COVER!

Frodope: Why? Are they spies?

Legsalass: I dunno but i sure don't want bird poo in my hair!

*the flock is so huge that it blocks out the sun!*

Gimply: Great! Now i don't have to put on sunscreen!
*the fellowship continues on after the birds are gone and soon they find themselves on a huge mountain trying to get through knee high snow (waist high for the hobbits)*

*Frodope loses his balance and tumbles into Aragornt's arms*

Aragornt: You are ALWAYS FALLING!

Frodope: Leggo of me!

Aragornt: Its not MY fault you don't know how to walk!

Frodope: i SAID let go- oh, the ring! Its gone!

*Suddenly they hear evil cackling and they look up to see Boreyoumore running off with the ring*

Frodope: I KNEW he wanted it!

*Suddenly Boreyoumore trips and falls head first into the snow*

Boreyoumore: OOF! Awww......SHOOT! OW!

*Legsalass grabs his arm and twists it behind his back*

Boreyoumore: Ow! Ow! Leggo! Ok i'll give you the ring!

Legsalsass: Tell me I'm pretty.

Boreyoumore: WHAT!? You crazy-OW! Ok, your pretty........

Legsalass: HOW pretty?

Boreyoumore: I can't believe this.......

*Aragornt comes up before Legsalass can force Boreyoumore to tell him just how pretty he is*

Aragornt: Give Frodope the ring Boreyoumore.

*Boreyoumore bounces it off his forehead*

Aragornt: OW!

*As they walk on Boreyoumore tells Legsalass just were he can shove his hair products and Legsalass takes offence and starts to beat him with a bottle of hair spray*
*the fellowship continues on....*

 

[Holyjoe]

wow - VE - you've certainly worked very hard - I'm impressed !!