Re-establishing purpose

[Honibee]

After loosing my husband, I think the thing I struggled with most was
regaining a sense of purpose. Though I went through nursing school,
and have been nursing, I still lack the sense of purpose I had when
I saw the appreciation in my husband toward me for the role I played
in his life.

For those who have dealt with the same struggle, how would you address
this?

 

[CountryLady]

Hello Honibee, I understand what you mean. I too felt I had lost my purpose, I had the kid's, the animals. But the things I did for my late husband I could no longer do. After a while I started helping people out who I knew didn't have enough to eat, I also gave to a young couple clothes, bassinet, bottles, for their unborn baby who was due anytime. We have a lot of thing's stored in our basements and attics that could help out others in need. Helping others in this way gave me a since of purpose, that I could still help someone in need and I still help out when I can. Volunteer work is another great way to help others and maybe give us a since of purpose. I hope I helped in some small way. Big hug's to you. God bless you.

 

[Honibee]

Thank you CountryLady, appreciated your reply. How right you are in finding ways of
making someone else's life easier. It's a very healing thing.

God bless you!

 

[Honibee]

Thought I'd share a conversation I had the other day with a widowed man. I asked
him if 'purpose' was an issue with him and he gave a thought provoking reply. He
said 'purpose' would be more of a struggle for women than men because in the married
relationship, the man provides purpose, and the woman provides support TO that
purpose.

How much sense that makes to me, and seems to explain alot of what I've felt. One thing I've learned through this experience of widowhood, God remains when others DO not or CAN not. So, as He promises to be a husband to the widow, I'll continue to make HIS purposes MY purposes...

 

[CountryLady]

Hello Honibee, Yes that makes alot of sense. What a wonderful way to see things. God bless you.

 

[Bevlina]

Yes Honibee! I thik women struggle more with this too! But I didn't struggle with purpose. I struggled with cooking a meal for one!

 

[Honibee]

You make me laugh, Bevlina ... Be blessed!

 

[robert adams]

Honibee,

You make a great point.

I lost my career, and my job (and all that goes with it) when Enron collapsed. Then, I had a stroke and a short time later, my wife unexpectedly died, my car was repossesed (I couldn't drive it anyway), and my house was repossesed (I needed to move, anyway). What was I left with? God!

I was a depressed emotional basketcase for awhile, but have slowly been returning to living.

Now, I am trying to figure out what my reason for living is.

Bob in Texas

 

[Honibee]

Honibee,

You make a great point. I lost my career, and my job (and all that goes with it) when Enron collapsed. Then, I had a stoke, a short time later, my wife unexpectedly died, my car was repossesed (I couldn't drive it anyway), and my house was repossesed. What was I left with? God!

Now, I am trying to figure out what my reason for living is.

Bob in Houston

Oooh Bob- my heart goes out to you! Keep seeking HIM, it'll come together for you.
I pray you are comforted with His very presense, and the knowledge that He suffered tremendously to understand OUR suffering. God bless you richly, brother!

 

[robert adams]

Bevlina,

As a man, I live off of microwave meals and Top Raman. God gave us Burger King and Taco Bell for the times when we became tired of nuked meals and boiling water.

Bob

 

[Bevlina]

Honibee,

You make a great point.

I lost my career, and my job (and all that goes with it) when Enron collapsed. Then, I had a stroke and a short time later, my wife unexpectedly died, my car was repossesed (I couldn't drive it anyway), and my house was repossesed (I needed to move, anyway). What was I left with? God!

I was a depressed emotional basketcase for awhile, but have slowly been returning to living.

Now, I am trying to figure out what my reason for living is.

Bob in Texas

Oh Bob, my heart and prayers are with you!
Everything blunts in time. It's one step at a time. For FOUR YEARS - I slept on my own side of the bed! For FOUR YEARS I reached over to his side to pull the doonah around his shoulders while half asleep! In the end, I thought, bugga this ... I need a coffee.
But I never went through anything like you did!
God must have a great plan for your life! I know He has for mine !
I just have to work it out ....

 

[Bevlina]

Bevlina,

As a man, I live off of microwave meals and Top Raman. God gave us Burger King and Taco Bell for the times when we became tired of nuked meals and boiling water.

Bob

Oh no Bob, cook a nice meal of meat and veges for yourself. I do! Trust me, you need your strength and health. If I cook a meal ... I always have enough left over for fried ups! They're good! Especially the crunchy bits.

 

[soblessed53]

Thought I'd share a conversation I had the other day with a widowed man. I asked
him if 'purpose' was an issue with him and he gave a thought provoking reply. He
said 'purpose' would be more of a struggle for women than men because in the married
relationship, the man provides purpose, and the woman provides support TO that
purpose.

How much sense that makes to me, and seems to explain alot of what I've felt. One thing I've learned through this experience of widowhood, God remains when others DO not or CAN not. So, as He promises to be a husband to the widow, I'll continue to make HIS purposes MY purposes...

That is so very true. My husband and I were just beginning to plan a life after his retirement[I never was employed in my life as he did not believe in wives,especially mothers, working unless they were head of household],and were thinking very strongly of resettling in the Kerrville,Hill Country area of Texas. When he died,I suddenly had no future plan whatsoever and also lost my partner down memory lane.I had lived only almost 17 years without him,so the rest of my life to age 47 had been with Him,suddenly half of my life was ripped from me. It takes time to adjust to thinking you can still go over those memories by yourself even though they are not there to share them. We still had those experiences,they did happen,no sense in burying them,refusing to ever look at them again. It is a matter of getting used to thinking in the singular "I" instead of the plural "we". "I" remember when we went there,instead of thinking "remember when we went there"

 

[Honibee]

It is a matter of getting used to thinking in the singular "I" instead of the plural "we". "I" remember when we went there,instead of thinking "remember when we went there"

How very true. My feeling is when we get to that point, the 'singular' thinking, we have come very close to moving out of the grieving process. It takes some longer than others, but we all eventually get there. I don't mean to be morbid here, but I remember the day, the very moment I suddenly felt 'single'. I was traveling to the
city I shop in, singing with the worship music I had playing. It wasn't a sad thing, just an awareness that I had reached a milestone in my healing.

I still look back on the kindness of the Lord during that time and wonder, how does anyone live without HIM?

Blessings in Him,
~H

 

[soblessed53]

Wow,yes,living without Him and going through life's trials without Him is just too scary to think about!

 

[CountryLady]

Thank you for sharing that story with us Honibee. I guess the first time I felt single was when I was talking to my girlfriend on the phone and I had said "my husband" in telling her something. All of a sudden she blurted out "he's not your husband anymore, he belong's to the Lord". That was a bad moment, I truly felt alone.

 

[robert adams]

One time I went to church and my jacket collar was turned up. A kind lady came up behind me and turned it down for me. Having been use to my wife of 40 years keeping me looking respectable, I turned and said "thank you, honey." I think she is still running.

 

[robert adams]

Bevlina,

I forgot to mention that I also have a George Foreman grill. It works great on that most healthy food of all - Hotdogs.

I was told by my 4 yr old grandson that there are 3 basic food groups: cake, cookies, and bacon. I don't know how bacon got in there. I told him he was wrong - it is fajitas, not bacon. Now that he has been straightend out, he is going to straighten out his preschool teacher!

Bob

 

[Bevlina]

Rob! You are going to keep us in hysterics laughing!!
I haven't got a George Foreman Grill, must invest in one! We CAN go on, why? Because we can do it!
We are capable, healthy and have a great purpose in life. It's just a matter of time before God reveals that purpose to us.

 

[robert adams]

Bevlina,

I have had what was deemed to be "healthy food" in the fridge for a long time, now. It has grown green hair and seems to travel to different locations in the fridge by itself. Do you think it is still edible?

Bob (in Houston)