Random jokes

[Rocmonkey]

Some humor to start your day (no offense is intended)

What do you call a man with no arms or legs....

1. on the front porch?

Matt

2. in a pile of leaves?

Russell

3. in a swimming pool?

Bob

4. water skiing?

Skip
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Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas’ pilots (P) and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers (M).

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
M: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
M: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
M: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
M: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
M: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
M: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
M: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
M: That’s what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
M: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
M: Suspect you’re right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
M: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
M: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
M: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
M: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
M: Took hammer away from midget.

 

[Jdeer0412]

I have seen the pilot one before but it always gets a giggle from me.

 

[Prinx]

Nice

 

[KNOTLIKEYOU]

awesome

 

[parsley]

Pilot/mechanic ones new to me, and they were great.
Esp. cannot reproduce problem on ground, live bugs, engine found.
Thanks for the cheer-up!