Random humour

[TomUK]

[ scene: a bar, of course ]

[ A nun and the duck enter the bar, which is empty except for the bartender. They approach the bar. ]

Duck: Bartender, two beers.

Bartender: Sure. what kind?

Duck: Raw fish. Shaken, not stirred. And my friend here will have a dead platypus.

BT: Dead whatapus?

Duck: PLATYPUS! A small mammal, the duckbilled platypus is one of only two mammals that lay eggs. The platypus..

BT: (interrupting) Uh, we don't have any of them.

Nun: Do I have any lines?

Duck: (checking script) No. Sorry.

Nun: Psh. **** this, then.

[ nun leaves ]

Duck: Uh, yeah.

[ the bartender coughs loudly, making the duck jump ]

Duck: Um... (glances at script) Nevermind about the platypus, just gimme some fish.

[ The bartender reaches behind the bar, grabs a fish, and throws it at the duck. ]

BT: WE DON'T SERVE DUCKS!

Narrator: Yes, it was another normal day for Howard D. Duck, professional duck. However, that was all about to change...

[ Duck explodes. ]

BT: Yuck, not again! Stupid exploding waterfowl!

[ Cut to a man standing in front of a generic logo ]

Man: Are YOU plagued with exploding waterfowl? What about fiery buttweasels? Or omnipotent green guys named Wally (ponders last line with a "what the hell?" kinda expression)? We here at Waterfowl, Weasels, and Wally, TM, can help.

[ Man from off-screen pushes first man away. ]

2nd Man: Yes, we here at Waterfowl, Weasels, and Wally, TM, have over SIX MINUTES of combined experience-

[ 1st man punches 2nd man in the stomach, 2nd man crawls off screen. ]

1st Man: Over 16 YEARS of combined experience at ridding the world of the letter W.

[ Cut to the set of Sesame Street. ]

Elmo: This episode of sesame street is brought to you by: the letter W!

Superimposed caption: W.

[ 1st and second man, along with the BT, the Nun, and the Duck, rush out and brutally destroy the set and cast. The Nun notices the camera with W on it, and throws Elmo's head at the camera, knocking it over. Scene switches to the president giving a speech. ]

Dubya: The Democrats treat Social Security like its some kind of federal program!

[ 16 ton weight drops on Bush. ]

[ Picture of letter read in John Cleese-style voice ]

Cleese: Dear sirs, I object, in the strongest possible terms, to the obvious theft of Monty Python's 16 ton weight-

[ Terry Gilliam style samurai, with a crossed out W on his chest, cuts through the letter, while the reader continues. ]

Cleese: I mean, what if I were to steal your gags? If you bloody HAD any. Stupid whippersnapper comedy sketch acts... grrr...

[ Film of Gumbys saying "And now-" ]

 

[Ps28:7]

oh yes, i am most definitely loving the random humor stuff, this is great

 

[bgoddenia]

BETSY

 

[Bladecarver]

Whoa, that was a bit scary...

 

[Ps28:7]

one day there was this mama tomato who enjoyed listening to random lokes about lame ducks and how they always eat the narrotor after a drink at the local grocery store where martians don't shop
in english that means wei really enjoy random humor and thought that one was great, had us rolling on the floor from laughter and we had to read it again and again.