R.D. Weed

[LilMissNiles]

my youth pastor has like 40 R.D Weed stories. R.D. Weed is the character in each joke. wow they can really get you going...i have like 15 to share.

background info:

R.D. & Fam are country folks. best told w/ redneck accent.

One day R.D. and his cousin J.B. were walkin' in the woods. They stumbled upon a water well and R.D. responds "well i wonder just how deep that there well is" so he picks up a rock and throws it down the well and as soon as he releases it he counts "1...2.....3.....4..." and he hears a "splash". he looks at J.B. and scratches his head. "well i wonder how long it would take for sometin bigger than a rock to reach the bottom" asks J.B. So, J.B. and R.D. weed go lookin for a mighty big object. They find a railroad tie (those big long wooden things on rail road tracks). and together, they heave it onto their shouldres and take it back to the well. With a great big grunt, they shove it into the well. and count "1....2.....3" and they hear a splash, and feel some water hit them as well. "Wow R.D.! That was one big splash!" says JB. R.D. nods in agreement. All of a sudden, a grey blur comes flying towards the well. It stops right in front of it and then falls into the well. R.D. & J.B. noticed it was a goat. so they counted "1...2...3..4..." and they hear another splash. JB and RD are quite puzzled and wonder why a goat would do such a stupid thing. While they discuss this act of stupidity R.D.'s father, jb's uncle, finds them and says "Well boys I'm glad I found yall..cuz I been meanin' ta ask ya if you done seen my goat round bout here?"
J.B. replies "yes sir! He jumped right into that there well! We done seen it with our own eyes!" R.D's uncle just chuckles in amusement and says "Couldn't be! My goat was tied to a railroad tie." ba dum ching!

one of the cornier ones. but twas the first i done ever heard.

 

[LilMissNiles]

R.D. Weed drove up on his mo-ped to the local hardware store. He pulls in beside a bright N shiny cadillac. R.D. has sweat and grease and dirt drippin off him from working but he just can't resist having a sit in the old, sweet convertible. He feels the leather on the seating (which by now is soiled from his sweat) and the steering wheel. He gradually slips into his own world and begins to imagine himself driving it. 5 minutes later the cadillac's owner comes out and hollers "BOY! What you be doin in my cadylac? You bes get yo'self outta there and now!" R.D. jumps out of the car and stumbles thru his words "well i...i...im ssssorry sir" The owner realizes what RD has done to his beautiful leather interior. Veins begin to bulge from his beet red face. He grabs his bat and a piece of chalk out of his trunk and asks "Boy is this your mo-ped?" RD nods yes. The owner of the cadillac draws a circle around R.D. and says "YOU stay there ya hear? dont you step a foot out tha there circle" and the owner begins to bash in R.D's headlights of his mo-ped. R.D. starts to giggle a little. The cadillac owner ignores him and begins to tear up the seat of the mo-ped. R.D. begins to laugh a bit louder. The owner is FURIOUS and he just goes all out and beats the tires and rims so hard the rims are bent and every tail/head light is busted. R.D. is just crackin up laughin. Finally, frustrated, the cadillac owner responds "Good NIGHT boy! Don't you see what ijust done did to your mo-ped? and you aint angry? what yo laughin at son?" and RD replies "i stepped outta the circle 3 times and you aint even noticed!"

ha ha.

 

[LilMissNiles]

One day R.D. was sittin on the porch of the local general store. A stranger walks by and sees R.D. and a dog sittin by him. The stranger asks "Boy does your dog bite?". R.D. Weed shakes his head and says "Nope!" The stranger reaches out to pet the dog and all of a sudden the animal sinks his teeth into the guy's hand. The man is quite unhappy and yells at R.D. "I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOUR DOG DON'T BITE!" R.D. innocently and honestly replies, "That ain't my dog!"

 

[Sher]

lol I like those!

 

[AgnusDei]

=0