Quiverfull.......but don't want any more?

[3Princessmom]

Hi there, I am quiverfull with 3 kids. I didn't become a quiverfull mommy until after the birth of our last baby. Mu husband never really felt a big conviction to this lifestyle, but agreed with my thoughts on it and the scripture and decided we should go ahead with it. I was okay with it, perfectly fine - no worries. In fact I had started to want another baby, even though my youngest is only 9 months! My husband however just confessed to me the other night that he has actually started to consider getting a vasectomy because he's so freaked out about getting me pregnant. I had noticed for a while that he had been avoiding intimacy, and now I knew why. Funny thing is, for a few weeks I had been thinking too that it would be awfully nice to just be done and know we're done. When he told me about the vasectomy idea I had mixed feelings. Part of me got excited about it (finally I won't have to worry about bc or getting pregnant), and another sid eof me was shocked because this OBVIOUSLY goes totally against my convictions and what we had agreed on. I brought up some points to him about how he would feel if he could never have kids againa nd something happened to one of our kids, or if he was sure he would be perfectly fine with never getting a son. Not to mention we could just change our minds, I'm 24 and he's 27 - we're still really young.

Ultimately it's his call as head of household, so I'm not worried about it. I'm just wondering if anyone else has gone through this and what they decided. Is it okay to believe that one should not use birthcontrol then contradict the conviction? I know God will fogive us if we make the wrong choice, but I thought when He convicted us to do something it means we should listen because this is His will for our lives. Any thoughts?

 

[annaapple]

1. Pray, alone and together. Try to find out what God wants, not what you want. He does, after all, have your best interests at heart. I'm not saying God necessarily wants you to be 'quiverfull'; just to be sure of what He wants for you now.

2. If you're unsure, use barrier methods, NFP or something else not permanent. It is much easier to change your mind later! Quite a few people round here use Billings and find it excellent and very safe - maybe you can find an instructor near you? At least until you both get your heads round this situation.

 

[oliveplants]

1. Pray, alone and together. Try to find out what God wants, not what you want. He does, after all, have your best interests at heart. I'm not saying God necessarily wants you to be 'quiverfull'; just to be sure of what He wants for you now.

2. If you're unsure, use barrier methods, NFP or something else not permanent. It is much easier to change your mind later! Quite a few people round here use Billings and find it excellent and very safe - maybe you can find an instructor near you? At least until you both get your heads round this situation.

Good answer!

 

[jgonz]

Yes, I agree, don't do anything permanent now~ you could easily regret it later. Reversals are available, but they don't always work.

 

[NHisHands]

I have 4 at 23, and as a result of having so many so close together it cause some medical issues with my health, I definetly know the feeling of wanting to be done. I think the responces before me are good. Just pray and let God guide you and your husband. Bless you hun!

 

[JulySheMustFly]

Please don't yell at me because I don't personally fit the definitions of quiverfull but this topic struck close to home for me.

My husband had a V. It was done when my 2nd child was 5 months old. We planned on 2 kids, neither of us considered hormonal bc as an option for me, nor did we see ourselves with a large family. However we are very fertile people and just talking about babies makes me pregnant. But, when my 2nd child was 4 months old I became pregnant with our son. We didn't know right away since I was bfding and went ahead with the V without the knowledge of our son. I was 24 and he was 27. Now, I don't regret him getting it done but since then we both agree that we are not done growing our family. However for us our family will now grow through foster parenting and/or adoption. I don't think either of us would have come to that place without him having the vasectomy. So while only you know your convictions I just wanted to share how I came to the place of desiring a large family and following the conviction God placed on me after sterilization.

 

[3Princessmom]

Well girls, I think this issue resolved itself. I think we are ttc again! I told dh last night that I think I will be ovulating soon, so if he wants a son now's the time to try. And, well, we did. So, I think we're ttc! Thanks for all the advice everyone!

 

[BananaCake]

2. If you're unsure, use barrier methods, NFP or something else not permanent. It is much easier to change your mind later! Quite a few people round here use Billings and find it excellent and very safe - maybe you can find an instructor near you? At least until you both get your heads round this situation.

Very good idea! I know people who have had vasectomies and changed their minds later.

 

[BananaCake]

Please don't yell at me because I don't personally fit the definitions of quiverfull but this topic struck close to home for me.

My husband had a V. It was done when my 2nd child was 5 months old. We planned on 2 kids, neither of us considered hormonal bc as an option for me, nor did we see ourselves with a large family. However we are very fertile people and just talking about babies makes me pregnant. But, when my 2nd child was 4 months old I became pregnant with our son. We didn't know right away since I was bfding and went ahead with the V without the knowledge of our son. I was 24 and he was 27. Now, I don't regret him getting it done but since then we both agree that we are not done growing our family. However for us our family will now grow through foster parenting and/or adoption. I don't think either of us would have come to that place without him having the vasectomy. So while only you know your convictions I just wanted to share how I came to the place of desiring a large family and following the conviction God placed on me after sterilization.

That's a great story! I also want foster kids and maybe to adopt. I always forget being QF (which I don't even know if I am) doesn't have to mean you biologically have all those kids yourself!

 

[RoseofLima]

My husband and I have talked about this, too...

I put the ball in his court, telling him that he would need to research and find a doctor and take care of the insurance.(So basically it's unlikely to happen ) We both agreed that we would love to be in a psotion to have a dozen children, but with only $30,000 a year we are really sort of pushing the end of our financial means. We talked about adoption if he decides to get a V and we find ourselves in unanticipated wealth a few years from now.

For me it is a huge sacrifice to not have any more babies--it is heartbreaking--and I know in my heart of hearts that sacrifice is as pleasing to God as is the sacrifice of having another child.

 

[Assisi]

For me it is a huge sacrifice to not have any more babies--it is heartbreaking--and I know in my heart of hearts that sacrifice is as pleasing to God as is the sacrifice of having another child.

I think people underestimate the sacrifice of not having a(nother) child sometimes.

 

[Dustmite]

I'm new to the site, but thought I would share my personal view only in regards to Vasectomies. I have always been against them personally but initially just because it didn’t sound like it would feel good..lol. But biblically and medically I am against it now. Medically, there are studies that are showing a possible link between vasectomies and prostate cancer. It is my understanding that potential patience now are to be told of the possibility. Studies are showing that for every year that a man has had a vasectomy, his risk greatly increases. I have even heard that 22+ years created over an 80% risk of prostate cancer. There are even possibilities with increased heart disease and other issues. I would encourage anyone to study what is done and what happens internally to your body after wards. Does not sound very natural or God designed/desired.

Biblically, the one thing that keeps standing out in my mind is the command (possible in Leviticus) to cut off the hand (I believe that is the punishment) of the woman who reaches out and accidentally grabs her mans testicals even if she was simply trying to break up a fight. I can't find it now, but perhaps someone here knows of the verse I am referring to. It just seems harsh for something that today we feel is just ok to snip and let it rupture into the blood stream! Anyhow, just my thoughts on vasectomies.

 

[BananaCake]

I'm new to the site, but thought I would share my personal view only in regards to Vasectomies. I have always been against them personally but initially just because it didn’t sound like it would feel good..lol. But biblically and medically I am against it now. Medically, there are studies that are showing a possible link between vasectomies and prostate cancer.

I'd be interested in seeing a study about this. Can you send me a link?

 

[Dustmite]

I will see if I can find the information now. I am in the middle of moving so forgive me if it takes a while. also, it has been a while since I looked at this and I must be honest, it was just for me so I am not sure how much of the info I kept for myself. But I will try to find it since I did make the statement!

 

[Dustmite]

well, I spent probably 45 minutes typing up a reply and including links only to have the data lost because I dont have enogh responces to qualify for links in my posts. This is irritating and should have no bearing on including or banning the inclusion of posts. I will try to refind the links and retype it all later. Sorry

 

[PrimeTimeNuttah]

Men have plenty of arrows to shoot, it's just a matter of how long the woman's target will hold up.

If ANY of you got that horrid excuse of innuendo on your first read-over, then congrats, you deserve a cookie. If not, I don't blame you, but I do blame Satan. And lack of sleep. Satan, lack of sleep, and Michael Moore.

 

[sing4777]

Hi there, I am quiverfull with 3 kids. I didn't become a quiverfull mommy until after the birth of our last baby. Mu husband never really felt a big conviction to this lifestyle, but agreed with my thoughts on it and the scripture and decided we should go ahead with it. I was okay with it, perfectly fine - no worries. In fact I had started to want another baby, even though my youngest is only 9 months! My husband however just confessed to me the other night that he has actually started to consider getting a vasectomy because he's so freaked out about getting me pregnant. I had noticed for a while that he had been avoiding intimacy, and now I knew why. Funny thing is, for a few weeks I had been thinking too that it would be awfully nice to just be done and know we're done. When he told me about the vasectomy idea I had mixed feelings. Part of me got excited about it (finally I won't have to worry about bc or getting pregnant), and another sid eof me was shocked because this OBVIOUSLY goes totally against my convictions and what we had agreed on. I brought up some points to him about how he would feel if he could never have kids againa nd something happened to one of our kids, or if he was sure he would be perfectly fine with never getting a son. Not to mention we could just change our minds, I'm 24 and he's 27 - we're still really young.

Ultimately it's his call as head of household, so I'm not worried about it. I'm just wondering if anyone else has gone through this and what they decided. Is it okay to believe that one should not use birthcontrol then contradict the conviction? I know God will fogive us if we make the wrong choice, but I thought when He convicted us to do something it means we should listen because this is His will for our lives. Any thoughts?

I have 3 daughters and the last pregnancy was very hard ( my youngest is now 9). I was 25 when I gave
birth to her and my whole family was freaking out and
insisting that I would die if I had another baby (which is
not the case at all). We discussed it and decided that
we wanted to be able to have more children. When
my grandmother found out - she freaked and told my
husband that he basically would kill me. My husband
came to me and told me that he didn't want to have
any more children and that our family was big enough.
The day of his vasectomy was a very hard day for me
and I didn't find out until two years ago why he had
made the choice to have the vasectomy in the first
place. He was so afraid that I would have another
difficult pregnancy and that it might kill me.
We have regretted the vasectomy and he had it reversed a year and a half ago and we have been trying
to have another baby since to no avail.
A vasectomy is a very permanent thing and should not
be taken lightly. It is something that is very expensive
to undo and even then there is no guarantee that it
will be successful.
Every friend that talks of a tubal or vasectomy I
have encouraged to NOT do something so permanent.
We have found so many scriptures since then that I
wish we would have known about that has convinced us
that it does not please the Lord to cut off the ability to
have children.
Maybe he doesn't want more children right now but you
don't know how you will feel at a later time.
We are proof of this.
If you don't want him to do this - you should be honest
with him because it could affect your marriage at a
later time.
God bless

 

[BlessingsROnMe]

I remotely know what you were going through. My husband and I only planned on having two kids...a boy and a girl. We did that and then were up in the air about BC. Prior to my second I had been on ortho evra, but then decided that I did not like that and stopped after about a year of being on it. Immediately after stopping, I got pregnant with my second (we have been known to be in a very fertile family as well). That was fine although sooner than I wanted. After he was born, we planned on being done, but I had been convicted about using normal birth control and both my husband and I were led not to do anything drastic like tubal or vasectomy. We did not feel that it was God's will to destroy a system that he set up. But I know not all Christians feel this way. I have some friends that did it and they say it was the best thing they ever did. So we ended up with a "bonus baby" and then here recently we went to condoms. So we feel better. Although still a part of me thinks that we are interupted God's plans. To me it is completely up to him when we have children...not up to us. Although for the most part, we are both pretty sure we want to be done having kids....although a little part of me wants another girl on down the road, but we have to just wait and see. If I had it all to do over again I would have had my kids more spaced out so I could enjoy each of them more to themselves. Mine were so close that I missed a lot of special moments.
But congrats on going back to trying!

 

[3Princessmom]

Well, I'm a little late getting back to this thread and some of you may have already seen my other post - but we are pregnant! We actually had only tried for one month and then gave up because my cycle was messed up and things didn't come like normal so it meant we tried for no reason basically. So it went back into God's hands again, and He decided we were going to have another one! We were shocked at first, but are very happy now. I am 8 weeks along and we've seen the hb already. I'll be due in April of next year, I'll update every now and then.

 

[BananaCake]

Well, I'm a little late getting back to this thread and some of you may have already seen my other post - but we are pregnant!

Praise God!