questions

[OptimisticSmile]

for those of you that are married or who are hoping to one day be married how did you deal with disclosing the OCD to your mate and how did OCD effect the course of your relationship. I am sure that as things come together with whoever God intends for me that I will doubt that he joined us together. I want to be in a postition where I could be the spiritual head of the household but I have doubts that I would be the strong one. I believe that God may place someone in my life to help me in this battle but i get discouraged thinking that having that thought makes means I desire marriage for selfish reasons. Mind you I have a good single life and am not desperate for love but I feel that marriage will help in my ministry with others. I want to be completely free to be the best person I can be to whoever God intends for me and I have this nagging concern that as long as I have this struggle im invalidated from considering a relationship with anyone because it would not be fair for her and because i struggle with doubting salvation that lacks the certainty that christian couples would need to pursue a marriage as equally yoked in addition to the thought that I could be helped through a marriage partner. I also had the thought about how a wife would be of benifit to my future in ministry and my freind was like "your desire for marriage is wrong because its all about You and your career etc" When I meet someone new I always look to see if they would be the type of person to assist in a ministry. My freind sees that as looking for the wrong thing.


second question
does anyone here have this compulsion. sometimes when I have a paper to write for class (even when there is no anxiety about it) I will turn the computer on and then walk around inside the house for a while aimlessly and sometimes do something to waste time like play with my dog , eat or drink, walk around the yard, or go to the bathroom and when I finally get down to writing the paper alot of time has gone by. its not like Im spending the time enjoying a conflicting activity and just procrastinating. its like I cant seem to get started and when I do I sometimes get up and start the process again. Tonight it caused me to be late to a freinds house.

the same thing happens when I read textbooks. sometimes ill just put the book down and walk downstairs around the pool table and then back up the stairs where i start to read again.

a few other possible compulsions I have are as follows
when stapling papers I use 2 staples sometimes more (a freind pointed that out to me, when applying tape I often use it in over abundance. Sometimes i would put an assignment in a folder and the folder in my backpack and soon after open up my backpack and the folder to see if the assignment was in there even though i just put it in there.

none of these if they are OCD symptoms have bothered me it would just be good to see if I have some OCD that is not limited to spiritual matters.

 

[gracealone]

how did you deal with disclosing the OCD to your mate and how did OCD effect the course of your relationship.

HI OP,
I didn't have the choice of disclosing my OCD because I didn't know what was wrong with me for many years. I suffered a very debilitating bout of it after the birth of my second child. So it pretty much disclosed itself. If I had known I had it before I married I would have shared that information with my husband before we married so that he wouldn't be blindsided by any future episodes of it. I would say that the way it effects my relationship with my husband is that it can cause me to withdraw from him into myself. OCD and all anxiety disorders have a way of making us isolate ourselves within ourselves. For this reason with this last very intense relapse I chose to go on meds. out of consideration for him and my other family members.

I have this nagging concern that as long as I have this struggle im invalidated from considering a relationship with anyone....

But everyone has thorns, struggles etc., so if this were true then no one should marry. The person that you marry will have them too. They may not be the same as yours but they will be there. (To quote Steve Martin from the movie,The Three Amigo's, - We all have our EL Guapo's ). When we are one flesh with someone we share and bear one anothers burdens. God uses a marraige partner's affliction to grow the other person up too. Just like the invaluable lessons of compassion and patience that parents of a special needs child gain so too we all can grow in grace and compassion by entering into one anothers pain. Our afflictions are not random or senseless they are purposeful.



I also had the thought about how a wife would be of benifit to my future in ministry and my freind was like "your desire for marriage is wrong because its all about You and your career etc" When I meet someone new I always look to see if they would be the type of person to assist in a ministry. My freind sees that as looking for the wrong thing.

Maybe it's not about you but rather about putting God first and foremost in all your decisions. "In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths." If this is the case then I would have to disagree with your friend on this matter. But all it takes for those of us who are in the throws of OCD obessing is for someone to suggest that our motives are wrong and we will immediately begin to second guess ourselves. So if you find this thought to be really upsetting to the point where you can't shake it... it's probably OCD complicating your thinking.



does anyone here have this compulsion. sometimes when I have a paper to write for class (even when there is no anxiety about it) I will turn the computer on and then walk around inside the house for a while aimlessly and sometimes do something to waste time like play with my dog , eat or drink, walk around the yard, or go to the bathroom and when I finally get down to writing the paper alot of time has gone by.

Yes I do the same thing nearly exactly as you described. I've never really linked it to my OCD though but just figured I had a real problem with procrastination, diligence, etc. I find it very hard to get started on things I know I should do. It's something I pray about a lot.


The rechecking thing that you mentioned is definitely OCD related. My son is a checker, he will recheck to see if he locked the doors at night at least 3 times even though he just locked them.

God Bless, Mitzi

 

[gracealone]

how did you deal with disclosing the OCD to your mate and how did OCD effect the course of your relationship.

HI OP,
I didn't have the choice of disclosing my OCD because I didn't know what was wrong with me for many years. I suffered a very debilitating bout of it after the birth of my second child. So it pretty much disclosed itself. If I had known I had it before I married I would have shared that information with my husband before we married so that he wouldn't be blindsided by any future episodes of it. I would say that the way it effects my relationship with my husband is that it can cause me to withdraw from him into myself. OCD and all anxiety disorders have a way of making us isolate ourselves within ourselves. For this reason with this last very intense relapse I chose to go on meds. out of consideration for him and my other family members.

I have this nagging concern that as long as I have this struggle im invalidated from considering a relationship with anyone....

But everyone has thorns, struggles etc., so if this were true then no one should marry. The person that you marry will have them too. They may not be the same as yours but they will be there. (To quote Steve Martin from the movie,The Three Amigo's, - We all have our EL Guapo's ). When we are one flesh with someone we share and bear one anothers burdens. God uses a marraige partner's affliction to grow the other person up too. Just like the invaluable lessons of compassion and patience that parents of a special needs child gain so too we all can grow in grace and compassion by entering into one anothers pain. Our afflictions are not random or senseless they are purposeful.



I also had the thought about how a wife would be of benifit to my future in ministry and my freind was like "your desire for marriage is wrong because its all about You and your career etc" When I meet someone new I always look to see if they would be the type of person to assist in a ministry. My freind sees that as looking for the wrong thing.

Maybe it's not about you but rather about putting God first and foremost in all your decisions. "In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths." If this is the case then I would have to disagree with your friend on this matter. But all it takes for those of us who are in the throws of OCD obessing is for someone to suggest that our motives are wrong and we will immediately begin to second guess ourselves. So if you find this thought to be really upsetting to the point where you can't shake it... it's probably OCD complicating your thinking.



does anyone here have this compulsion. sometimes when I have a paper to write for class (even when there is no anxiety about it) I will turn the computer on and then walk around inside the house for a while aimlessly and sometimes do something to waste time like play with my dog , eat or drink, walk around the yard, or go to the bathroom and when I finally get down to writing the paper alot of time has gone by.

Yes I do the same thing nearly exactly as you described. I've never really linked it to my OCD though but just figured I had a real problem with procrastination, diligence, etc. I find it very hard to get started on things I know I should do. It's something I pray about a lot.


The rechecking thing that you mentioned is definitely OCD related. My son is a checker, he will recheck to see if he locked the doors at night at least 3 times even though he just locked them.

God Bless, Mitzi

PS.
My youngest Son also looked for and chose a wife who shared his hearts desire for full time ministry. It turned out that she had another thing that he didn't know about till he got to know her better..... OCD. How wonderful of God to bring them together because she is now in a family where her affliciton is understood and where she gets the support and encouragement that she needs. I thank the Lord for bringing her into our lives, she too is a great encouragement to me.
Just wanted to share that with you.
Mitzi

 

[OptimisticSmile]

thank you . That is really encouraging and Im reminded by what you said about being one flesh of the symbolism of marraige in that Christ becomes a part of us his bride and he bears with us. One of my desires for marriage is to live out the symbolism of marriage and so I guess my shortcomings are a part of that.

your sons marriage experience is really encouraging. he has OCD too?? and is in the ministry? I sometimes feel that since most poeple dont understand this that I would not be good in the ministry. For me having this is like "failure to launch" i feel that even though God uses me and I know doctrine well im still a babe until I can find lasting assurence.

 

[OptimisticSmile]

also when I lock my truck i often do it several times so it goes honk honk, honk honk, honk honk. ive never considered that it might be obssessive and it really doesnt bother me much. im sure if i locked it once and said "dont press the button again" I could continue on .

 

[BeccaLynn]

I didn't know that I was OCD when I was dating the man who would be my husband. I just knew that there was this huge fear that I wasn't saved and that I was afraid if he knew I wasn't a "real Christian", he wouldn't want anything to do with me. I did tell him that I feared I wasn't a Christian, but did not reveal to him the extent to which that fear comsumed me. I also didn't tell him of my struggle with blasphemous thoughts. Sometimes I have felt guilty for not telling him more, because I thought that he sure didn't know what he was getting into. But, Mitzi is very right. We are human and every single one of us have our burdens. I see things that my husband struggles with that I don't. Marriage isn't a union of 2 perfect people. If that were so, we wouldn't need each other. We are to be one another's champion, helpmate, friend, the list goes on. In the Garden of Eden, God said that he made woman because he hadn't made anything yet that was a companion for Adam. I think it is important for marriage partners to have a vision together. It is important to talk about our desires and goals for our lives, and how we feel God is directing us, when we are in a relationship. That is one way to know if you are compatible. I had the naive idea that once I was married and had that settled, then my life would be so much better. That is a selfish desire on my part, because I didn't set down with my, at that time, boyfriend and discuss where I saw us in the future. We didn't even discuss if we wanted children or not! I was so caught up in the OCD struggles that I didn't even have dreams for my life. I'm glad to hear that you are seeking God's direction for your life and pursuing how He is leading you. Entrust him with your desires for a wife. He knows best who he created for you. Thankfully, I married a wonderful man who has put up with a lot due to my OCD. I love him more today than I did before we were married, but this is the love that comes from being through many ups and downs together. As difficult as it may seem to be to wait patiently, God has seemed to direct you on the path that He desired you to follow, so he can also orchestrate bringing the right person into your life for marriage. Try not to get all caught up in "is this the right one" and just let God work. Being good friends with and going on group dates is a good place to start I think. Just try to relax. You said you weren't unhappy single, so I don't think you need to push anything. Let things happen in God's timing and just be open to where he leads.

Rebecca

 

[stacii]

I did not develop severe symptoms until I had been married nearly two years, although I always knew something was going on with me. I, personally, could not survive this life without my husband. I know God picked him for me, because he is my earthly strong hold.

There are certainly times where I get myself all worked up about not "feeling" love toward him. I'll obsess about that two or three months each year actually. I'm honest with him about it, and even though he obviously doesn't like it, he handles it just fine.

I've learned truly what love is by being a wife with OCD. Even when my emotions toward my husband are blunted and absent, I still maintain my role as supporter and helper. I still respect him, and spend time with him and go on dates with him and call him at work. The point is, I still love this man, whether I feel it or not. And that is true love. It would be easy to do all of those things if there was emotion and passion all the time. The true test of love is how we react to each other when there is no emotion, when there is no passion.

We enter into marriage as irons sharpening irons. I think you should be praying that God send you a strong supportive wife who can help you with your disorder. It doesn't make much sense to me not to pray for that (although, I can see where the OCD has a blast with that in your mind). Pray that you and your future wife will be a God inclusive support system for each other. She's going to need your help through things - my husband always needs mine. Like all women, I think I always have the best advice.

And as far as schoolwork is concerned I did the same thing. For me, I was afraid of not being able to write a good enough paper. Grades were an obsession for me in college. An A- could slide me into deep deep despair. This is one of the reasons I chose to forgo grad school until I am able to just go and learn rather than go and get good grades (there is a big difference)! But yes, I paced around for hours and hours before I could type a word...

 

[OptimisticSmile]

wow thats me too with papers. I tend to be perfectionistic about grades and with papers Im always afraid I will not have anything to write despite the fact that wrriting is something im gifted with and im a creative person. Its like the one thing I do best at I dread doing alot of the time.

im currently in grad school so im always writing but I have told myself if i get all B's Ill be content with that.