While Lambslove repairs the damage to his tongue from his opening tongue in cheek answer, I'll share my views on this. I agree that it can be a bit overwhelming thinking about asking a question like this, especially in a small Baptist Church. However, your Pastor should be happy to discuss this with you from a Biblical point of view, because he should want G-d's best for you and spouse, and that should be sexually as well. Most problems that Pastor's have to deal with in counseling for marital problems usually deal with problems related to sex or finances.
That being said, I know that there are still some Pastor's out there who are more uptight that an overwound railroad pocket watch, but not everyone who serves as a Baptist Pastor today believes that sex, or the act of making love, is only for procreation and isn't meant for the enjoyment of the husband and wife.
I believe I understand what you mean by spiritual sex life. Provided you mean a sex life that is in accord with what G-d's plan for sex in marriage is intended to be. If this is your meaning in asking your questions then you are on the right track. Scripture says that a husband and wife are to cling to each other and become one flesh. This is intended to picture not only the sexual act, but also a spiritual oneness as well, in fact I don't think that it is really possible to have one without the other.
When I do premarital counseling I start with a simple diagram. On a sheet of paper I have a drawing of a woman of the left side of the page turned to the right. On the right side of the page is a drawing of a man facing to the left. Both have one hand extended toward the spouse on the other side, and the other hand extended up toward a symbol for G-d. Before my first meeting with the couple together I meet with them separately to discuss with them their relationship to Christ, their future spouse's relationship with Christ and their goals for their marriage, and their goals for their relationship with Christ.
When we meet together for the first time I discuss the drawing with them. Explaining that marriage is difficult enough with out starting out going in opposite directions. I explain to them from the drawing that unless both convincingly express that they have a salvation relationship with Christ that we need go no further. I won't marry a believer to a non-believer, period. Scripture prohibits it. I won't marry two unsaved persons, because they are seeking the blessing of the church and they have no standing in the church.
If they are both believers we discuss their goals for their marriage, and for their relationship with Christ. I explain to them that if they aren't both equally committed to their relationship to each other and to Christ they are going in different directions and the longer the situation remains the farther apart they will grow. Then I discuss the importance of their committment to G-d. Explaining that if they aren't both moving ahead in their relationship and growth in Christ, that will pull them apart also. I point out that the diagram is set like a triangle, with G-d at the top. As they both grow closer to the Lord it will automatically draw them closer together. And this includes their sex life as well.
Your IDent box doesn't your sex or age so I will keep this pretty generic. One of the most important things in your married life and especially your sex life is communication. Being completely open and honest with each other about everything. You have to let each other know how you feel and more importantly what you think about everything. This is especially true about what happens in the marriage bed. Scripture tells us that the marriage bed is undefiled. However, depending how each of you were raised there may be deeply engrained moral taboos that both of you are having to deal with. Going along with something just because the spouse expects it, while suffering in silence is not conducive to a pleasent sex life. You have to feel free to discuss difficult things, and be willing to accomodate the feelings of your partner.
I don't want to get into particulars in a forum like this. Instead I would like to recommend you and your spouse read either or both of these books:
Intended for Pleasure and
The Act of Marriage: The Beauty of Sexual Love by Dr. Ed Wheat
http://www.themarriagebed.com/education.shtml is also a helpful website that can provide you with more information. If you have any questions, or if this doen't give you the help you feel you need feel free to PM me, I am almost always around.
