Has anyone else ever questioned if deciding on divorce is right even though everyone around you tells you it is and there's no hope and you've done everything on your part that you can do but your spouse can't change or won't change rather and its very true that you can't change others you can only change yourself but has anyone ever questioned if they were supposed to be patient longer and wait on God or were they doing the right thing by divorcing and maybe just continuing to pray for the husband for reconciliation???
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Questioning if divorce is the right move or should I still wait on God?
- Thread starter notgivingup
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I meant, do you ever question your own decision? Like for instance, maybe thinking if you tried a bit harder your spouse may have turned around.
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dayhiker
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Ah .. OK, no I don't question that decision either.
In general we there are only a few stories of someone starting to love someone else because they were persistent. There are also a few stories of God changing a person's heart. So it does happen, but I think its a low percentage.
So I gave it a shot to term my wife's heart back toward me, but it was too late by the time I started trying to win her back. Once I have it a good shot there is no reason for me or anyone else to second guess. My advice is make a decision and never second guess. Own the decision and live with it without regret. We are adults afterall!
In general we there are only a few stories of someone starting to love someone else because they were persistent. There are also a few stories of God changing a person's heart. So it does happen, but I think its a low percentage.
So I gave it a shot to term my wife's heart back toward me, but it was too late by the time I started trying to win her back. Once I have it a good shot there is no reason for me or anyone else to second guess. My advice is make a decision and never second guess. Own the decision and live with it without regret. We are adults afterall!
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BigDaddy4
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All the time. You can only change the things that you control - your thoughts, your actions, etc. You cannot change the other person. As the saying goes - it takes 2 to tango. Both parties must be a willing dance partner for it to work. When one checks out, the other has to decide if they are willing to live with that for the rest of their lives.
You are your own person and you have to set your own boundaries of what you are willing to live with or not if the other person will not change whatever attitudes, behaviors, actions, etc.
To divorce or not to divorce is an individual choice. It is not the unpardonable sin. It's not even a sin, despite what some people may tell you. Funny though, it's not their life so it's easy to make such judgments and say such things. Most of them, though, have never walked a mile in your shoes, let alone the two miles the Bible talks about...
Blessings and God's peace to you..
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Do you mean its not a sin if its a divorce based on adultery or do you mean that it's not a sin at all? If you dont mean, can you please elaborate what you mean by that because I am also at a point of questioning divorce but one of my main challenges is that it is a sin?
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So the guy is the same guy you married, now you want to change him? As BigDaddy said, that's not in your power to do. Why do you want a divorce? The reason I ask is it is a very painful process, one that shouldn't be taken lightly. Lots of times it's easier to fix it then it is to start over.
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Divorce isn't ever an option unless your willing to remain a widow until death.
Don't want to make any adulterous.
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BigDaddy4
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Why do you say that it is a sin? Are you basing it off of "God hates divorce" in Malachi 2:16? That would be an incorrect assumption. God divorced Isreal (Isaiah 50:1 and Jeremiah 3:8), and since God can't sin, divorce isn't a sin. Also, when the greek and Hebrew words that refer to divorce in all the usual places (Matthew, etc), you will understand that God actually hates it when couples separate and no certificate of divorce is given.
In today's terms, God hates it when people separate and don't bother to get the legal divorce paperwork done.
Sure, it's God's desire not to have broken marriages, but He does allow for it.
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Divorce is a product of lust. "I want something better". The one wanting a divorce without abusive, adulterous causes, is lusting after something.
Lusting for something else isn't grounds for divorce.
Lusting for something else isn't grounds for divorce.
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to answer everyone's questions if you haven't been following my previous post my husband 5 months ago told me he would rather be a polygamist. since then he continues to get on polygamy dating sites to check out women, he's told me numerous times he's going to get the life he wants and that he regrets marrying me and doesn't want to work on us at all and he wishes we had never met or got married. He has distanced himself physically and emotionally. He says he is going to do it regardless. Hus reason why he wants this life is because he says he wants to have 50+ children and no I'm not exaggerating. I have tried continually being a Godly wife and honor our vows but when he gets mad at me for doing that, looks at me with rage because he resents me cuz we got married, I'm honestly concerned for my safety and he's on dating sites, I don't believe God wants that for me. And in the bible it says even looking at a woman lustfully is committing adultery, he's done that already and he would rather touch then be with me. I moved into a separate apartment this week and gave him my rings, sayng that we're over. He continues to wear his ring while he's on polyga!y dating sites. I assume he's probably using it as a sob story to win these girls over. Not admitting that he's the one that changed his mind and gave up on us. I merely had to make the ultimate final decisions.
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dayhiker
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notgivingup ... again sorry you are going thru this.
I have some contact the local poly community here ... I don't think your husband is going to find what he wants.
Anyways, way to step out and not let your husband's bad attitude run your life. It take some to build a new life, but your on your way.
I have some contact the local poly community here ... I don't think your husband is going to find what he wants.
Anyways, way to step out and not let your husband's bad attitude run your life. It take some to build a new life, but your on your way.
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notgivingup-
Do you have children together?
I don't pretend to know the intricate details of your marriage. But, if what you describe is accurate, I honestly think you may be better off letting him pursue his goals and carrying on without him. God can fix anything, but He won't force a fix on someone who has a hardened heart.
I do not claim innocence. I have hardened my heart many times, and I struggle with my own selfishness daily, I assure you.
God hates divorce, yes. I hate divorce, too, and I sense that you hate divorce as well. Divorce is never a happy thing.
Ending a toxic marriage is not the same as you 'giving up'. You have made it clear you don't want to give up. But, there comes a point when you must accept the situation and do what is best for YOU.
Do you have children together?
I don't pretend to know the intricate details of your marriage. But, if what you describe is accurate, I honestly think you may be better off letting him pursue his goals and carrying on without him. God can fix anything, but He won't force a fix on someone who has a hardened heart.
I do not claim innocence. I have hardened my heart many times, and I struggle with my own selfishness daily, I assure you.
God hates divorce, yes. I hate divorce, too, and I sense that you hate divorce as well. Divorce is never a happy thing.
Ending a toxic marriage is not the same as you 'giving up'. You have made it clear you don't want to give up. But, there comes a point when you must accept the situation and do what is best for YOU.
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