Question

[~Beauty_from_Pain~]

So is a girl lying when a guy asks her if something is wrong and then she says "nothing" but something is really wrong? Should a girl STOP doing this and just say things out front? Or should he understand that this is just how she sees if he wants to hear it and wants him to keep probing and to ask what is going on?

?????????????????

 

[RobinRedbreast]

I still say nothing when it's something. And when I say it's something, it means there's something HUGE

Jordan always wants me to be upfront, but frankly just like any guy (and DH is an amazing person but he's still a guy ) he has a tendency to be unable to really wrap his brain emotionally to anything I'm saying. When I talk about what's up and what's on my mind, he just tries to rationalize everything out and I find it only makes things worse sometimes.

So frankly if something's up and it's purely an emotionally-based issue? I do tend to keep my mouth shut. Sometimes some things are better left unsaid, something I definitely learned in my first marriage. It's not worth saying something if I have even an inkling that it might turn into an argument of some sort... not an argument based on the issue, but sometimes an argument based on the -solution- so this for me is definitely part of "choosing your battles", as it were.

I do believe in honesty and communication; but even that has limits.

If I say nothing's wrong, DH will typically ask me "are you sure?" a few times before just leaving the issue be. He's smart, he knows if I really want to talk, the best way is to not push for it.

 

[IndomitableAmy]

So is a girl lying when a guy asks her if something is wrong and then she says "nothing" but something is really wrong? Should a girl STOP doing this and just say things out front? Or should he understand that this is just how she sees if he wants to hear it and wants him to keep probing and to ask what is going on?

?????????????????

Yes, it seems obvious to me that that's lying, at least when the girl knows something is wrong.

I figure honesty is the best policy, but not all answers need to be specific. With me and mine, "Yeah, but I don't know what" and "I don't want to talk about it right now" work for all matters not vital or involving the relationship. (Those we have to be open about.) Not that the answer "nothing" never escapes our lips.. but it's not some kind of do-you-really-want-to-know test. I figure that kind of thing is bad policy if only because it would make life more difficult if it really wasn't anything. (How many are-you-sure's would you have to fend off?)

 

[unkern]

Heres something you can tell them instead "Im blessed and highly favored" Because whether your having a bad day or not you still are. Plus it opens up room for ministry.

 

[RobinRedbreast]

Heres something you can tell them instead "Im blessed and highly favored" Because whether your having a bad day or not you still are. Plus it opens up room for ministry.

You know, I'm tempted to use that line just to watch DH's reaction, I think it would be hilarious (probably the wrong reason to use that response, but still )

 

[Penguin50388]

When I ask if something is wrong and I get "nothing" I assume that nothing is wrong. If something is wrong then she just lied to me. If you don't want to talk about it, or your not sure that something is wrong then say that. Most guys I know understand that.

 

[tessas212]

There are times when I will say "nothing" because I'm not yet READY to talk about it. I always go to him in my own timing, though him noticing something is wrong does hurry up the process because now I know I am obligated and owe him the truth.

I do believe honesty is best. And when it wouldn't be best, maybe there is something you should change about your perception and the way you see things.. and then the 'truth' starts to change and honesty will turn out to be a good thing again. (Hard to understand, I know, but let me give you an example. I used to think of my boyfriend as a lesser intelligence, as if he were dumber. And there were a time or two when he asked me if I thought he was stupid. I said No. I was partially lying. I loved him, but I did think that he wasn't as intelligent. But then I forced myself to realize all the smart things he does, notice how he can figure things out that I can't... and I realized that I was wrong. And that the 'truth' changed.)

 

[Margim]

If you want him to know something, say what you mean and mean what you say... that's really important.

 

[pegatha]

When I say, "Nothing's wrong," what I actually mean is, "We've been over this time and time again, and you still don't get it. By now you should know what's wrong. I'm still hurting, but I've found that talking to you only makes it worse because you can't seem to understand why this upsets me so much."

Guys, if she's obviously upset, but she says nothing's wrong, that's a clue that maybe you're not taking her as seriously you ought. Instead of trying to reason her into a better mood, try to imagine yourself in her place and see it from her point of view. Try to connect emotionally with what's bothering her.

Ladies, he can't read your mind. If he keeps trivializing your problems, then either try a different approach (preferably more objective, less emotional) to explaining it, or else understand that you're going to have to look elsewhere for empathy, support, or advice. That's one reason why we have friends, family, and church: because no one human being can take care of all our emotional needs.

 

[Penguin50388]

When I say, "Nothing's wrong," what I actually mean is, "We've been over this time and time again, and you still don't get it. By now you should know what's wrong. I'm still hurting, but I've found that talking to you only makes it worse because you can't seem to understand why this upsets me so much."

Hmmm.... That seems like the best way to open up communication in a relationship. Wouldn't it be easier to say that you don't want to talk about it? The guy might ask a couple of times if you are sure (because we have all been trained like that from the girls that we know), but he should respect that you just don't want to talk about it.