Question

[alec1]

I need to get something off of my chest. When I used to go to my friend's house to sleep over we would always look at porn. Afterwards we would eventually compare each other's "stuff". This would involve physical contact, but not that much. This would normally lead to masturbation and things like that. But I feel awful that both of us would stay aroused while we were looking at each other. I do not want to be a homosexual and I am attracted to girls. I just don't know what to do about this.

 

[Akathist]

Alec, you are describing some fairly common experiences for a teenager to have. This does not mean you are a homosexual.

First, go and talk to your youth minister or minister or Priest at church about all of this. Talking about it with someone in real life is very good for us.

Next, tell your buddy that you are not going to come over for sleep over's anymore (if you still are, your post is unclear.) Just be honest, let him know you are concerned about this and want to stop.

Porn has an insidious nature about it and can mess with us on many levels. It is best that you avoid it.

I firmly believe that pornagraphy has demons that feed on our lustful thoughts. But that is my personal opinon. Try to get the images of the porn and so forth out of your mind by yelling "stop" inside your head whenever they show up.

And most of all, please firmly tell yourself that these experiences do NOT make you homosexual. (Because really, it doesn't.)

 

[Danielof the Island]

Alec, let me start off by saying that the first step to conquering a sin is to admit it. Congratulations!


You need to stop looking at porn immediately. Right now, as of this post, make the decission to stop. Don't wheen yourself off, and if you slip, don't think, "Well, I'm trying." STOP NOW! If you slip, you should feel aweful, not becuase you're a bad person, but becuase that guilt will help keep you from slipping again.


Sex is about procreation and physical/spiritual union with your future spouse. Porn is about objectifying a woman, it's about lusting, craving a woman soley for sex. Pleasure is a bonus, it is not the reason to engage in sex. If you're going to engage in sex, it should be to unite with your wife or to have a child with her. It's OK to have fun as you do it, just be sure that's not why you're doing it. Sex should be about romantic union.


I agree with the above poster, you need to stop sleeping over at your friend's house. Not indeffinately, just until this problem is resolved, then you can resume the sleepovers.


You need to understand that homosexuallity is a learned behavior. If you keep up your current behavior with a friend, you will be gay in time. If you do not want to be gay, stop immediately. If you're comparing each other's equipment, there's nothing wrong with that. Especially if you're a teenager who's explorring his body's new found capabilities. When you touch and self pleasure, that's when you've crossed the line. Our sexual drive to procreate is genetic, but whom we choose to do it with is a choice. Now, some people say they've been attracted to the same sex since they were a kid. That doesn't mean they're destined to be gay, it simply means the parents need to guide their child into a healthy male/female romantic relationship. The child needs to be taught that it's not healthy to be attracted to the same sex and try to change those feelings. The child shouldn't be told he's a freak, but simply be told the truth. If caught early on, it should be no different then say... being one of those kids who takes forever to get potty trained. Everyone has their own struggles.


Do the following, and you'll be fine:

• Stop looking at porn. Every night and every morning, ask Jesus Christ our Lord for the strength and will power to remove this desire from your mind.
• Stop self pleasuring your self. This will be your strongest sexual struggle as the chemical highs your brain experiences durring this act are very pleasurable and therefore very difficult to simply give up. Some people can stop cold turkey, some people stop incrementally until they hardly do it at all at which point stopping is easy. See which one works for you, then proceed to do so with prayer. One good technique is to pretend that Jesus is sitting in a chair, watching you with a horrified look on his face. Trust me, with this thought, you simply cannot do it.
• Talk to your parents about sex. You don't have to bring up your sexual problem with them as it may be more appropriate to tell your pastor instead of people whom you live with. However, you need to tell them you have some issues to work out and thus need to educate yourself on sexuallity, whut not to do, whut's OK and not OK, why it should wait until marriage, and so on. You get the idea. Just make sure your parents understand you have issues, and you're trying to educate yourself so you can make good, moral decissions.
• If you don't want to be gay, stop getting naked with your friend! You can hang out, and you can do sleepovers when your sexual sin is conquered, but come on now... ya don't need to be naked unless you're taking a shower or one of those fellows who sleeps naked.
• Don't judge yourself, and don't panic. The goal is to LEARN from your sins and mistakes, then take action with Christ's help to correct your mistakes and conquer your sins.

Your ultimate goal is to strive to be a better person, not be disgusted with yourself. Chin up, smile, relax, and go whip out your Bible and do some reading.

 

[UnitynLove]

Well these things are in your past and you have repented from them right? Well if you have it is forgiven and forgotten in the site of the lord now what you have to do is forgive yourself. Remember you are a new creature in Christ and old things are past...Satans speciality is to keep you in past and remembering past mistakes with this he can keep you in stagnation. Like if you were dumped by a girl and you get a new girl friend he will bring up your past relationship and convince you that the same thing will happen again. God focuses on the now, and the present all those things in your past are gone.

 

[Johnnz]

For many teenagers anything remotely sexual can be pretty arousing. Even same sex nakedness, if you are not used to that, can cause sexual arousal without that being in any way indictative of homosexuality. And. arousal produces a strong drive to act sexually in some way - porn, masturbation, dating etc may soon follow.

You will need to get some sound guidelines in place. More information from good sources can help. This forum is also useful for discovering the insights and common struggles of other Christians, which can be really helpful.

John
NZ