Question, your thoughts appreciated

[miss-a]

So, I'm trying to work this through and a discussion on it with you fine folks might shed some light.

Because I don't date much and there's so much time in between meeting men, I tend to forget some BIG things. Since I don't date just to date, and for me dating has been about getting to know someone to see if we'd be a potential happily married couple one day, I should remember this rule but I forget it every single time. The rule: submission.

Eventually the guy brings it up, my balloon burst. "Bummer, I thought we were going for love and happiness." And soon the relationship ends, or in some cases it comes up early and the relationship never starts. It's kind of like, "quakers meeting has begun, no more laughing no more fun."

I know what the Bible says. I don't necessarily trust the way most teachers teach it it. But even the most fair, least brutal teachings leave me thinking things like, "But I don't need a husband to parent me. I'm an adult and I already have a Heavenly Father. I just wanted someone to do life with."

So what it's got me wondering is should I stop dating altogether, because I don't need a leader other than Jesus, and if men have a need to lead, it's not right for me to lead them on that I could one day be the woman of their dreams. Essentially, what I'm trying to work through is if I'm marriage material or not. I know I'm fun, kind, godly, creative, loving, etc, and people always tell me what a great wife I'd make, but if submission trumps all those things and more, than those kind people are wrong. And though that's disappointing, I'm being honest when I say it's a disappointment I can get over pretty quickly and move on and do my life quite happily with Jesus. Of course I'll miss the potential company of a man, but to be in a relationship that requires me to lie about the need to be led doesn't make any sense.

So the question: Is a woman who doesn't need to be led not wife material?

Thanks for your thoughts.

Blessings,
a

 

[MorkandMindy]

Equally yoked?

 

[miss-a]

Equally yoked?

Can you elaborate? Thanks!

 

[Messy]

So, I'm trying to work this through and a discussion on it with you fine folks might shed some light.

Because I don't date much and there's so much time in between meeting men, I tend to forget some BIG things. Since I don't date just to date, and for me dating has been about getting to know someone to see if we'd be a potential happily married couple one day, I should remember this rule but I forget it every single time. The rule: submission.

Eventually the guy brings it up, my balloon burst. "Bummer, I thought we were going for love and happiness." And soon the relationship ends, or in some cases it comes up early and the relationship never starts. It's kind of like, "quakers meeting has begun, no more laughing no more fun."

I know what the Bible says. I don't necessarily trust the way most teachers teach it it. But even the most fair, least brutal teachings leave me thinking things like, "But I don't need a husband to parent me. I'm an adult and I already have a Heavenly Father. I just wanted someone to do life with."

So what it's got me wondering is should I stop dating altogether, because I don't need a leader other than Jesus, and if men have a need to lead, it's not right for me to lead them on that I could one day be the woman of their dreams. Essentially, what I'm trying to work through is if I'm marriage material or not. I know I'm fun, kind, godly, creative, loving, etc, and people always tell me what a great wife I'd make, but if submission trumps all those things and more, than those kind people are wrong. And though that's disappointing, I'm being honest when I say it's a disappointment I can get over pretty quickly and move on and do my life quite happily with Jesus. Of course I'll miss the potential company of a man, but to be in a relationship that requires me to lie about the need to be led doesn't make any sense.

So the question: Is a woman who doesn't need to be led not wife material?

Thanks for your thoughts.

Blessings,
a

There are guys that go for an equal relationship and want someone like that, especially in Holland. Thing you should watch out for is that he doesn't expect you to lead him and don't trust it immediately if someone says he's all for equality and feminism, it might be someone who'll let you clean up after him and do everything.
The collegues I have all have good equal relationships. They're not christian. A woman on a Dutch christian forum said she was not going to obey her husband and he didn't want her to, so I said: Well, then you're obeying him, lol. In an equal relationship don't expect you can stay home and look after your kids by the way, at least not in Holland. The relationships here are as equal as the landscape someone said.
God wants us to obey, if you find someone who isn't very bossy I guess that's no problem, don't know. I found it hard in the beginning, I broke up over that after a few weeks and then read a book: Me? Obey him? I still do it, lol, I've gotten used to it. But now that I have my freedom I don't think I could do that again in a marriage.

 

[MorkandMindy]

Equally yoked?

Can you elaborate? Thanks!

2 Corinthians 6.14 'Do not try to work together as equals with unbelievers, for it cannot be done. How can right and wrong be partners? How can light and darkness live together?' (GNV)

What the passage suggested to me was you can only work together as equals with another believer.

 

[dayhiker]

I've not been interested in the man leader/ woman submit in quite a while now. To me its about finding what we want to do together and going for it. So I do equal relationships.
Of course I'm not interested in getting married. So each person can have the time to do what they want to do and we can spend time together doing what we want as well. I'm finding this works really well for me and those I spend time with.

 

[blackribbon]

How do you intend to make a decision as a couple if you both disagree?

Submission isn't about "parenting" the woman. It isn't something demanded but something offered up out of respect and love by the woman.

If someone offered that question to me, I say that I was willing to submit to a man who was meeting his Biblical obligation of "cherishing" me. In fact, that is the ONLY way I'd submit to a man. However, I can't imagine entering into a relationship with the idea of never even being willing to submit.

 

[Leet]

Here's a link that might be helpful. (Copy and paste, can't post links yet as a newbie.)
girlsgonewise.com/7-misconceptions-about-submission
I'm sure you don't have to be anyone's subservient whipping boy to enjoy a Godly marriage. Nothin' wrong with strong, independent women who know who they are in Christ. Look at Joyce Meyer, for example.

 

[quietpraiyze]

So what it's got me wondering is should I stop dating altogether, because I don't need a leader other than Jesus, and if men have a need to lead, it's not right for me to lead them on that I could one day be the woman of their dreams. Essentially, what I'm trying to work through is if I'm marriage material or not. I know I'm fun, kind, godly, creative, loving, etc, and people always tell me what a great wife I'd make, but if submission trumps all those things and more, than those kind people are wrong. And though that's disappointing, I'm being honest when I say it's a disappointment I can get over pretty quickly and move on and do my life quite happily with Jesus. Of course I'll miss the potential company of a man, but to be in a relationship that requires me to lie about the need to be led doesn't make any sense.

So the question: Is a woman who doesn't need to be led not wife material?

Thanks for your thoughts.

Blessings,
a

[FONT=Georgia, serif]I think you just have to find the right person who has the same understanding of marriage as you do. A person who loves both God and you. A person who "gets" you because they listened and considered how you feel about the subject...how you really feel. Though I've never married, I came to the conclusion that I did not buy into that submission head of the household stuff. I've heard a very well known preacher go as far as to say a husband is a wife's pastor and priest. I knew that was a lie. I'm persuaded that some of that stuff is nothing more than camouflaged male supremacy. [/FONT]
[FONT=Georgia, serif][/FONT]
[FONT=Georgia, serif]I think you have to really talk to someone to see why they believe what they believe and then watch and pray. You can't assume when someone says marriage that you're talking about the same thing. I don't think you should compromise on something like this because it's part of your essence. It's part of who you are. You don't have to emotionally/spiritually self mutilate to become a wife. Although I've never married, I do believe in mutual submission. There are many Christian marriages that are egalitarian and are thriving. So be encouraged sister. [/FONT]

​

 

[miss-a]

thanks, gang! It's good to know it hasn't all become a leglistic ball of goo. I'm sure that pleases our Dad!