Question on age differences in relationships

[RadG]

Hello, first I want to mention that I am new to this forum and not sure if this is the right place for this post, but since you all are my peers I figured the best place to look for advice. Last year I moved to my current location due to Graduate School and at the Church that I started to attend here I met a girl who I am interested in but one thing that might be an issue is that she is a little over 3 years older than I am (around 3 years and 12 days to be close to exact). I was wondering about any views about this, also I am a very shy individual and would also appreciate any advice on how to approach her.

RadG

 

[Living4Him03]

Hmm...I don't see a problem with the age difference. If I were 25 I don't think I would mind a younger guy liking me, as long as he's mature and not TOO much younger (like 18-20). She, on the other hand, may not be interested in younger guys. I usually fall for older ones. My best advice just get to know her! If she is'nt into younger guys, maybe she will be by the time you two become good friends! Then, you can ask her out and see what happens You will probably be more comfortable with asking her out if you know her better and are comfortable around her! Hope it works out well!

 

[Mr.Cheese]

Sounds all good to me. There's nothign wrong with 22 and 25.

 

[ummidrinkcherrycoke]

Its all about the individual. I've known people who are 18 and are more mature then people who are 30. So it depends on the person and the best way to get to know a person is doing things in a group. If it's ment to be you guys will have common intrests that lead you together anyways. In a group you can see how she interacts with people on a real level. How she treats people when she's angry or stressed out, what her sense of humor is like... things that will let you get to know the real her. I find that once I'm comfortable with a girl in a setting like this that asking her out on a date is no problem.

 

[Echoes Peak]

Yeah, I don't generally see anything wrong with it within reason. The last guy I dated was seven years older than me. It turns out, I was the more mature one.

 

[mamaneenie]

Hello, first I want to mention that I am new to this forum and not sure if this is the right place for this post, but since you all are my peers I figured the best place to look for advice. Last year I moved to my current location due to Graduate School and at the Church that I started to attend here I met a girl who I am interested in but one thing that might be an issue is that she is a little over 3 years older than I am (around 3 years and 12 days to be close to exact). I was wondering about any views about this, also I am a very shy individual and would also appreciate any advice on how to approach her.

RadG

Personally I don't see anything wrong with it. If you are mature and responsible and have other things in common, I'm sure it can work. The reason girls tend to like older guys is because girls (supposedly) mature faster than guys. Or so it seems. I used to prefer older guys (about 5-10 years) but married someone exactly the same age as me. Anyway, my mum is older than my dad, and they've been married for 29 years, so it can't be too bad.

About how to approach her, just be friends with her, that is always a good start. I would just lay it down before God and ask if it is right. Just be friends and let it develop naturally. My husband prayed for me (for about 2mths before he even spoke to me - or so he says anyway) and also waiting on God for direction and his leading.

 

[Pope Gonzo]

I'm 19 and my girlfriend is 21, with her birthday coming a couple months before mine. I'll save you all the sob story of our relationship, but we just started dating, and needless to say, we care a lot about each other

 

[LaurenElizabeth]

In my last two relationships i have been older. In the first one by 6 months but in the one i am in now im about 2 and a half years older, i don't find it a problem as long as the guy doesn't act like a child.

 

[mamaneenie]

I just remembered a couple I know from YWAM. Anyway, they got married in January this year, he is about 5 years younger than she is.

 

[remy]

the youth pastor at my church is five years younger than his wife.

personally i cannot offer advice as to what to do since i wouldn't know what to do except stay away from minors.

 

[Hewitt]

If it's not bothering you, don't worry about it. Besides, if God's opening some doors for you, three years of age difference isn't going to stop him.

 

[ps139]

Age means nothing. Are you both at the same maturity level? Each person matures differently so age is not a good indicator of how mature someone is. If you and your girl are both at the same maturity level, go for it.

 

[msjones21]

I don't see any reason a 22 and 25 year old can't have a good, healthy relationship. It would be different if she were 25 and you were 18. I disagree with the statement "age is just a number" because if there's too much of an age gap there can be a conflict of life goals, priorities, Christian values, etc. I dated a guy who was 38 once and had never married. Because he had gone so long without a wife he was not even interested in marrying....ever. There was a difference in priorities and life goals because of the age gap. Not to mention the fact he graduated high school the year before I was born. LOL

 

[Misnomer]

Speaking of age differences I was watching Maury today and there was a 42 year old woman married to a 14 year old.

But as with the consensus of the responders I don't think that it matters.

 

[plum]

I think we are all supporting age differences when God and His glory, His leading, and His goals are in the picture *grin*

My ex's parents are 10 years apart. *shrug*

 

[RadG]

Thanks for all of the replies and encouragement. It was verry helpful and if anyone else has some opinions please still feel free to add them. I am still looking for some help on how to approach her to ask her out in order to get to know her better. I mean I somewhat know her since the sunday school class that we are in is probably close to 100 people it seems like (proabably close to 50 at least).


RadG

 

[Living4Him03]

well, i'd say try to speak up in class. if the leader of the class asks a question and you have a good answer and some verses to back it up, go right ahead. step out of your comfort zone. It just may get her to think "oh hey who is that guy?" Cuz girls can be pretty dense too ya know...we aren't always aware when a guy is interested and we don't always notice the kind of guys we wanna notice.

 

[RadG]

well, i'd say try to speak up in class. if the leader of the class asks a question and you have a good answer and some verses to back it up, go right ahead. step out of your comfort zone. It just may get her to think "oh hey who is that guy?" Cuz girls can be pretty dense too ya know...we aren't always aware when a guy is interested and we don't always notice the kind of guys we wanna notice.

That would be easy if the class was not the size of a little country Church, we usually talk before or afterwords but it is the usuall hello how was your week. The whole way I found out her age was that she invited me to her birthday party which gave me the opportunity to ask her age (I however was unable to attend due to homework, and living an hour away from the church and about as far from where her party was). So she knows who I am it is just I am not sure she knows I am interested in her or if she is interested in me. Well hopefully we can both eventually be able to work up the ability to overcome our shyness and not get the other people on this board completely confused with the mixing of our two threads.

 

[Living4Him03]

hehe agreed.

Next time you are at church you could ask her if she'd like to have lunch afterwards or if she'd like to go for coffee/doughnuts/carb free whatever if she doesn't want to have lunch. Something like that. If she invited you to her birthday party it seems that she is at least interested in building a friendship. Just ask...you never know. And don't worry about being shy about it...we like when a guy seems nervous..it's quite cute

 

[lOstLamB]

i am currently dating a man who is several years older than me. it all has to do with your intentions and the way you go about things. it sounds like you're genuinely interested in this girl for the right reasons, and hey, true love always deserves a chance. don't think too much about the age difference and just approach her like you would a girl your age or even a little younger. sincerity and a warm smile will always be received well. good luck!