Question & more ramblings..

[marcb]

In your experiences with ocd treatment, did you come to a point where the intrusive thoughts seemed less intrusive, but were still very present? For example, it seems that I respond less to the thoughts (progress), but they are still there. Sometimes I "scan" for the thoughts, and it's almost as if I retrieve them, even though I know they are horrible and against my beliefs. Maybe that's just the essense of ocd, I mean really the thoughts don't come completely out of nowhere, rather they are probably a sort of boogyman we've created based on fears, self-doubt, and obsessions.

I guess what I'm trying to say in too many words is that my anxiety and guilt driven responses are somehow muted by meds, more understanding of ocd, and recognition of the real truth of grace. Sometimes I "miss" that sense of humiliation before God and the desparation of needing His forgiveness, even though I know that was a difficult time in my life. Is this like Kierkegaard and his being "in love with my sadness."? Maybe it's a post-Christmas void that is almost depression - masked by meds (medical blessing). Although I'm not particularly sad. Maybe it's self-acceptance that I carry a suitcase of darkness and sometimes it's heavier than others; it may or may not go away, but the Lord can lighten it. I work out problems better on the computer than in my garbled head, so excuse my monologue.

Thanks for reading. God bless! Marc

 

[Rion]

I'm suffering from the same thing. For me, I was always afraid that in destroying my thoughts/sinfulness I'd lose my faith, that the thoughts would get "inside" of my core self and take over. Now that God's taken most of them away, I worry about my salvation. I know I'm Christian and that I believe in Christ, sealed by him as well. But there's times when it's hard not to think that I've lost my faith and that's why the bad thoughts aren't as constant. You might be thinking the same thing, but not realize it. We're pretty good at masking why we do stuff to ourselves.