Question, genuinely curious

[kfuller2]

My husband and I have three children. We'd like more but we currently have to be on gov't assistance just to feed the three we have. He and I are both students and he's looking to rejoin the military (he was in the Navy before we married).

I hate using birth control and would love to get to a point where I let God decide how many children I have. I try my hardest to be faithful and trust that God will always provide but I don't want to be irresponsible either and bring children into the world that I know I can't take proper care of.

My husband and I have decided that when he gets back into the military I will get rid of all forms of birth control and let things happen as they may. The biggest issue with this is that my husband and I don't always see eye to eye on how many children to have. I want many as I love being pregnant, holding and nursing my infant, and watching my children grow. (I'm also an Elementary education major so my love of children goes far beyond my own offspring)

He says he wants to stop at 4 and he'll get "fixed" once our fourth is conceived. This makes me terribly sad.

I guess since this kind of lifestyle would be completely new to me (My oldest two children were conceived while ON birth control. God really wanted me to have them! And I'm glad.) I need some advice. Where do I start?

It's not that I want 20 kids, but I don't want to have to stop just because we've reached a certain number. Right now I only have one son and I have a suspicion that our next child will be another girl. I'd like to keep going and not try to plan our kids out. We planned our youngest and it was very stressful trying to conceive her.

Please don't take this post the wrong way as I'm trying to be a faithful and godly woman and mother while still being responsible and not biting off more than I can handle. We'd planned on stopping the birth control to try for our (final?) child in a year from now. My youngest is just now 6 months and since my pregnancies have been very hard on me, I don't want to have my kids too close together. That causes even more problems in pregnancy and leads to preterm babies. My girls were already preterm and I spaced them out by more than two years.

I really appreciate any answers and advice. Thank you so much. God Bless.

 

[Sabertooth]

"No servant can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money." Luke 16:13

 

[kfuller2]

Ok, now I'm even more confused. How am I serving money if I want to be a responsible parent and not bring any more children into the world when my family is on assistance? We can't afford to feed our children without gov't help. That's not serving money, that's being responsible. It would be foolish to have more children now and I honestly believe that if God wanted me to have another, I'd have one regardless of my birth control choice. That's how it worked with my son and oldest daughter. I was on birth control with both and conceived anyway because God wanted me to have them.

I would welcome with open arms any blessing God would send me at any time but I believe He has also given me the responsibility to raise the children I have. When I can afford them, then I'll look to have more. I don't want to rely on the gov't to feed my kids anymore. But right now, I have no choice.

I couldn't help but take this personally. If it wasn't meant that way, I'm sorry. Please explain what your point was in that answer.

 

[Sabertooth]

I perceive a conflict of interests there. I would pray about it if I were you.

 

[jgonz]

I think what Sabertooth is driving at is that if you are truly trusting God in the area of your fertility, then it doesn't matter if you're on assistance or have a great job or whatever. Looking at your income to take care of your children, instead of God, implies that you are trusting money and not God's provision.

If God wants you to have a child, then He'll give you one AND He will provide the care for that child.

There is a mindset difference going on here... the World says that you need to be smart about your money and smart about the number of children that you have. The World says that you can't trust God until your finances are in order... So who do you trust? God, or the World?

You also need to keep in mind that God KNOWS all of this and He's not dumb~ He knows exactly what you can and can't handle (financially, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, etc.). Sometimes He gives us more than _we_ think we can handle, but He knows better. He's in charge.

 

[kfuller2]

But doesn't He ultimately place the responsibility on me? If I choose to forgo all birth control now when my children are on WIC and food assistance, and I have ANOTHER child, isn't that completely irresponsible??

I know the assistance offices will see it that way and they may decide to not help any more. I know my family will see it that way too and they may resent me for it. I also know my husband will see it that way.

God provides for us in some ways, yes, but I feel that if we were truly being provided for 100%, we wouldn't need our gov't's help. Being Octomom and having 14 children all while on assistance and with no job is not my idea of what God wants for a family. I think He would want us to be able to stand on our own feet and care for what we bring into this world.

Because, ultimately, I decide when to have sex. I decide whether or not to use protection, chart my cycles, whatever. I don't feel I have more than I can handle now, but I know that I have to be mature and not keep popping out babies all the time. I don't think God will magically close my womb just because I don't have money to care for them. That responsibility is on me since I have free will.

Maybe this makes me sound unChristian. I hope not, as I have plenty of faith in God. I just feel He gave me a responsibility to the children I have already and to put them in more turmoil just to have more children, isn't fair to them. They shouldn't have to suffer because I don't know how not to get pregnant. They've suffered for that enough.

Sorry if I sound mean. I'm not trying to. I just truly don't understand someone condoning me having more children in my situation.

 

[Sabertooth]

"If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me."

"And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life."

"Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world--the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does--comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever." 1John 2:15-17

Your genuinely curious question has been answered. Debate about its economic ramifications belongs elsewhere.

 

[jgonz]

Sorry if I sound mean. I'm not trying to. I just truly don't understand someone condoning me having more children in my situation.

You are assuming that you Will get pregnant if you go off birth control~ but God is still in charge and IS in charge of your womb.

Also, since you already knew the answer to your genuinely curious question, then I guess you didn't need to ask.

One last thing~ if your DH isn't on board with the QF mindset, then you shouldn't go without using bc anyway. Both of you need to be on the same page concerning fertility.

 

[Assisi]

I can relate to your concerns OP. I'm not quiverfull (yet lol), and I keep feeling like I want to trust God on this but it can be hard to let go and trust Him.

What I'm realising over time is that if I could look into the future and see how it'll all work out, and I based my decision to trust God on that knowledge, then I wouldn't really be trusting God at all. See what I mean? I hope that God will give me a large family. In fact, I believe that God spoke to me about this a few years ago and told me He would give me many children. I didn't trust Him at the time (I was struggling to have live children) and then after some prayer and some hard times bam - here I am with two living children. Why oh why didn't I trust Him? Now we live in a one bedroom flat, and it's illegal for us to house another child here should we fall pregnant again. Six months ago I would have also said 'and we don't have anywhere close to the amount of money we need to get a bigger place'. Now...well, now several 'impossible' things have happened, and more look set for the next few months and we may own a big enough place to house upwards of eight children by the end of the year. This blows my mind. I really need to trust Him. With God all things are possible. Pray for me.

 

[svl3p]

I'll be praying for both of you. I'm having a hard time letting go and becoming quiverfull too..Not so much for financial reasons; even though things seem tight now, God has provided for us in very obvious ways so I trust Him with that..I'm more hesitant because I'm worried about being able to emotionally handle the stress of the lack of sleep and all that..plus well, I really don't like labour LOL

 

[caribassett]

If public assistance is what is really bothering you, you should pray about that. Perhaps you could work with your hands at home and earn a small income to help? Where do your talents lie?

Many QF moms actively contribute to the well being of their homes by actively seeking ways to reduce spending, through couponing, gardening, and working from the home (after the chores are settled, and your husband, and children are cared for). Even if you can't contribute through making things to sell, you could plant extra to sell, sell Tupperware, etc.

When we place our trust in God he provides. He truly absolutely does. God is SO good. We afford our family supernaturally through God's grace. Without Him we could never do it.