Question about guilt.

[captainslow]

Hi guys, don't know if this is in the correct forum. Wanted to ask a question about feeling guilty not helping some colleagues.

Me and my colleagues are currently on a business trip. My job is in IT and what I do is help people everyday. I enjoy doing so.

Currently we have to claim back money from the company. This is a whole process and involves some very basic virtual training. This training provides you with how exactly to claim back and use the tool.

I have provided these guys with all the information possible. Provided them with cost distribution numbers and all the particulars as need. Where to find the travel policy, who to contact if they need support etc.

Ever since the trip started I have been bombarded with questions from their side as to what to do, what to claim and so forth.

This irritated me to such an extent that my answer has since just been "It is in the training".

Now I am feeling guilt not helping them? But my argument is why should I go through all the training, gather all the information (all of which is available to them and which I have given them) and they cannot do a simple effort to research it?

I feel its not right to rely on someone else because it is easier rather than putting in some extra effort.

What's your view?

In general I am a person walking around with guilt, allot of it not being able to say no to people.

Cheers!

 

[whale8jonah]

By the sounds of it you're feeling guilty because you're the kind of person who likes to help people, but in this instance you have turned them away and told them how to find out the answer for themselves...but this is also help, and I think that there's no need to feel guilty. I'm reminded of the line "give a hungry man a fish, and he won't hunger for a day, but show him how to fish, and he'll be full for a lifetime" (or something like that...)

Same here I think...you've first provided answers and given immediate help, and now you've shown your colleagues how to find the answers themselves.

I think you've done the right thing, but if you're worried about it, you could go back to them and ask if they found the information they were looking for.

 

[parsley]

This has been a big trend in the last few years, or decade -- people just don't read instructions any more.

You are faced with looking at it two ways -- 1. getting the job done effectively, where it looks like everyone did their job well when you know they didn't...

2. Or letting them fend for themselves so your employer can see who actually did the work, but then not completing the job effectively.

It's the old Group Project dilemma, in real life. Ick, don't you hate those!

You do not have an obligation to do their work for them, BUT in the long run, you will look bad if you are part of a failing team. You might want to do something like type up a positive message to your boss that confirms you are on top of things, so s/he still appreciates you without thinking you were destroying your coworkers.

It's a sick game, but there are no easy solutions -- except for the other people to do their jobs!!!

 

[captainslow]

Thanks for the response. Means allot and I agree.

 

[BFine]

If you are part of a team...you will do a lot of "hand holding"
--that's why I don't submit to doing too many group projects
because it basically means I will be doing everything from research, creation
to finding the answers for the "group" because they don't read the collected data..it makes me wonder how did they ever graduate from school?

 

[parsley]

Ever since the trip started I have been bombarded with questions from their side as to what to do, what to claim and so forth.

People are more like dogs than they'll admit, and tend to follow a pack-hierarchy system. If a person walks in and appears competent, or speaks boldly, others will often give in and rely on them for leadership.

 

[Pal Handy]

Hi guys, don't know if this is in the correct forum. Wanted to ask a question about feeling guilty not helping some colleagues.

Me and my colleagues are currently on a business trip. My job is in IT and what I do is help people everyday. I enjoy doing so.

Currently we have to claim back money from the company. This is a whole process and involves some very basic virtual training. This training provides you with how exactly to claim back and use the tool.

I have provided these guys with all the information possible. Provided them with cost distribution numbers and all the particulars as need. Where to find the travel policy, who to contact if they need support etc.

Ever since the trip started I have been bombarded with questions from their side as to what to do, what to claim and so forth.

This irritated me to such an extent that my answer has since just been "It is in the training".

Now I am feeling guilt not helping them? But my argument is why should I go through all the training, gather all the information (all of which is available to them and which I have given them) and they cannot do a simple effort to research it?

I feel its not right to rely on someone else because it is easier rather than putting in some extra effort.

What's your view?

In general I am a person walking around with guilt, allot of it not being able to say no to people.

Cheers!

If it is a question you know the answer to, why do you get upset when they come to you for help?

If you had to look up the answer then I could see your point and you could simply
tell them "I don't know"

I see nothing wrong with your helping others.

I always try to put the shoe on the other foot.

What if you are the one looking for an answer so you approach
a fellow coworker that you feel like you are on good working
terms with and you ask them a work related question that
you are pretty sure they know the answer to because they are sharp
and on the ball and then they blow you off and tell you to go look it up
for yourself?

Always place yourself on the otherside of the equation and in
this way you will treat others as you would want them to treat you.

Sure at times it can be annoying to be the go to guy but if they
couldn't stand you they would never even bother to ask you.

I guess what I am saying is it is good to be needed and liked
enough that others would approach you for information that they know
they can get without you and yet they come to you.

Don't take the fact that people come to you for help and information
as an insult but take it as a compliment.
Your cup is not half empty but half FULL...

ps everyone knows that I.T. people are go to people....

 

[KenE]

Sympathy is feeling sorry for somebody
Empathy is feeling sorry with somebody.
I empathize with you... Saying 'No' should be easy but here we are, trying to fix another case of user-abuse!

It seems to me that there is something missing from the training process

So - how about this then ? Take a moderately complex process (like filling in an expense claim), place it in a Word document (or email) with arrows and text-boxes explaining the important stuff in 'baby language' so that it can be done by anyone & everyone. You can even put hyper-links and stuff in so that it becomes the complete self-help standard for the company.

This way you do the effort once and then share it as many times as it is required. ( Call it "Expense Claims For Dummies" )

It seems that such a document ought to be incorporated into the training process as this will ensure that everyone has a step-by-step procedure to follow and will not take up any more of your time.

If all else fails, do the expense claims for them for a 25% commission!

 

[paul1149]

Essentially, the principle of loving others boils down to looking for their best interest. So the question is whether helping them is healthy in the long run, or whether it is crossing the line into a laziness/dependence thing. To the pure all things are pure. If you make sure your motives are right when saying No, you will be free to do so without guilt. And any residual guilt you do feel will be false and will wear off.

I don't think anyone can tell you to help or not. It really depends on the people and the circumstances. If it's a sincere need, and the help is given and received in a mutually respectful way, that's a good thing. But it's not always done that way, so you must discern the situation and then the motives of your heart.

 

[Lyn1955]

captainslow

I can understand the difficulty of your situation, but I think the fact that you are not at peace with your response may be an indicator that you are not doing the right thing.

Is there a possibility that when you are asked a question that they should already know, you help them to work out the process to find the information rather than give the answer?
This way you are not letting them off the hook so to speak by giving the answer, you are simply reiterating the learning process. They may be less likely to ask for the answer again before trying it out themselves?

 

[tturt]

If they don't get their money, they're going to blame you instead of themselves. So I would let them get their support from the personnel whose job it is to provide that info.