Purity Culture

[RDKirk]

I have never told my children they need to be 'set up' first.
No doubt some people do that but stop generalizing, because you're guaranteed to be proven wrong.

This is the Internet. Someone always claims to be the "exception that disproves the rule."

 

[Sketcher]

Why does the promotion of Purity Culture, often symbolized as a kind of daughter-father prom where the daughter pledges her virginity to her father until married, only focus on girls, even within Christian communities? While it may not be said outright, being sexually active for boys/men is looked the other way. There is no son-mother dance where he pledges his virginity to his mom. Fornication is considered a sin, but it isn't addressed.

I then wonder, why would a girl want to not be sexually active waiting for a guy who isn't waiting for her to have sex at all?

If the girls are taught purity culture and boys aren't, who are the boys having sex with?

And what message does that teach boys as they become men?

I always thought the purity balls and purity rings were kind of weird, but I didn't have a sister growing up. Maybe it was devised as a way to impress purity on girls because of how they think. The instruction that I got growing up about fornication was that it is sin, and if I was going to fornicate with a girl, I would face a special kind of wrath from my dad. Of course, by the time that became relevant in my life, I had already been a follower of Jesus, and I knew that following Jesus meant sacrificing fun sins for walking in obedience, and saying no to fornication fit right in to that, so the threat wasn't the primary driver.

However, I couldn't justify lust either, and since that was pretty constant I was under the stress of not being able to stay away from that, yet failing to follow Jesus whenever I would give in to it, even though I wasn't fornicating. That stress is real, there guys who have expressed that to me as well. There are some who felt so guilty that they were toying with the notion of killing themselves, which of course is also wrong and they had to be counseled away from that. So just because the Christian guys weren't getting the dances and the trinkets doesn't mean that we weren't getting the stress. Since we were experiencing the stress, it would be wrong to claim that there is no focus on the guys at all. If that were true, Promise Keepers wouldn't exist, and Every Young Man's Battle wouldn't be a bestseller.

She discloses not having any sexual knowledge or experience, and adds that if that is what men expect of women, that is also what she expects of her husband:"I want a virgin for a husband."

Which to me, is completely fair. If a woman dislikes it when a man waits for marriage, that's disrespectful of his abstinence, and that abstinence for the Christian is a holy thing. She doesn't deserve a man who will do that. I have several reasons for my abstinence, but if I ever get married, it will be to a woman who will appreciate it.

 

[coffee4u]

This is the Internet. Someone always claims to be the "exception that disproves the rule."

People everywhere are unique and different. Different cultures, personalities and life experiences that shape who they are. There is no rule.

 

[Whyayeman]

... if I ever get married, it will be to a woman who will appreciate it.

Good luck with that.

 

[coffee4u]

I have several reasons for my abstinence, but if I ever get married, it will be to a woman who will appreciate it.

Honorable goal sir and yes there are Christian woman who appreciate such things, don't let the scoffers bring you down.

 

[MehGuy]

Why does the promotion of Purity Culture, often symbolized as a kind of daughter-father prom where the daughter pledges her virginity to her father until married, only focus on girls, even within Christian communities? While it may not be said outright, being sexually active for boys/men is looked the other way. There is no son-mother dance where he pledges his virginity to his mom. Fornication is considered a sin, but it isn't addressed.

I then wonder, why would a girl want to not be sexually active waiting for a guy who isn't waiting for her to have sex at all?

If the girls are taught purity culture and boys aren't, who are the boys having sex with?

And what message does that teach boys as they become men?

How common is this? I grew up in a semi-purity culture.. us boys were given the message too.. if anything I felt like we were watched over more heavily. Probably for good reason though.. lol.

Plenty of men are marred with shame regarding sex too.

I don't know what Christian communities other people grew up in.. but sexual morality of men wasn't looked the other way.. lol.

Perhaps women were viewed more as objects to protect.. us men were just viewed as potential predators.

 

[TLK Valentine]

A father giving a daughter away is nothing more than a symbol of transferring the responsibility of the daughter to her husband, because, Biblically, that's how it's supposed to be.

The issue with that is, when does the responsibility of the daughter ever pass to herself?

As with anything, delivery is key. Is encouraging our children and teaching them what the Bible says about chastity and purity wrong? No. Is telling them that they are worthless if they lose their virginity before marriage? Yes.

Agreed, which is why the association of "purity" with virginity is therefore wrong.

I've seen some videos on "purity culture" as well and while the concern about making the children feel worthless is valid, a lot of videos I've seen are basically against any and all talk about remaining pure until marriage. These are from Christian content creators, younger content creators. I view this as nothing more than the enemy slowly winning this battle.

Well, what happens if the kid is not a virgin? The connotation clearly is that "pure" has more value than "not pure."

Fun fact: the words adulterate (to cheapen in value by adding impurities) and adultery are cognate words for this very reason.

 

[TLK Valentine]

I have several reasons for my abstinence, but if I ever get married, it will be to a woman who will appreciate it.

Good for you -- and whatever your reasons may be, they're absolutely nobody's business but your own.

Keep doing what's right for you.

 

[RDKirk]

I have never told my children they need to be 'set up' first.
No doubt some people do that but stop generalizing, because you're guaranteed to be proven wrong.

An exception does not disprove the generalization.

 

[Saucy]

The purity culture I understand is teaching all kids once they approach that age to abstain from sex until marriage. I don't care what any of the atheists in here believe since they do not have that standard as we do in our faith. I do not think most parents are okay with their teenage children having sex, even atheists, but maybe they accept the idea and move on.

There are dangers to promiscuity and sex before marriage. I'm not going to get into all of that now, but it is important to teach your Christian children. Sex was created for a purpose and there should be no double standard between boys and girls on this issue.

 

[Ken-1122]

Why does the promotion of Purity Culture, often symbolized as a kind of daughter-father prom where the daughter pledges her virginity to her father until married, only focus on girls, even within Christian communities? While it may not be said outright, being sexually active for boys/men is looked the other way. There is no son-mother dance where he pledges his virginity to his mom. Fornication is considered a sin, but it isn't addressed.

I then wonder, why would a girl want to not be sexually active waiting for a guy who isn't waiting for her to have sex at all?

If the girls are taught purity culture and boys aren't, who are the boys having sex with?

And what message does that teach boys as they become men?

Purity culture has it's roots in theism, and theism has a history of having a double standard when it comes to men and women