Purifying my thinking

[Saxman]

I am struggling really hard with vanity, selfishness and self-absorbtion. While I do not do anything wrong and do a lot of good things, the motives behind them are all wrong. Sometimes I think the only person I really care about is myself. Any time I do something good, it is usually because I am just trying to increase my self-esteem and feel good about myself. With other people I find it very hard to make friends, as I just cannot summon any form of interest in other people, so I resort to insincere compliments or questions about them feigning interest. I am also rather snobbish and very critical of other people, and tend to only associate with my intellectual and social peers (along with beautiful people-I am extremely shallow)
This is ironically accompanied by intense criticism of myself, and insecurities about my looks, my class etc. I have become quite good at putting on a front, but I doubt I am fooling anyone and I am definitely not fooling myself.My arrogance is just a front for my insecurity and lack of confidence, my social graces and politeness, just a front for my apathy towards others.

I see Christians at my Church and they seem to be the complete opposite of me: they are friendly, sincere, optimistic, completely selfless, and confident people. Basically they are how I would like to be, but however hard I pray, read the Bible, beg for forgiveness for my wrong thinking, and try to keep my thoughts pure, I just do not have the strength to change. My faith is weak and I feel powerless.

I know that what I need is a spiritual experience and a complete cleansing of my mind, but nothing seems to change, and I seem unable to connect with God.

Please don't judge me-I know I am a bad person, but there is a part of me that wants to be good ,to be pure.

 

[Stanfi]

Saxman,

It's good the you acknowledge this, and realized that you need to change. Read the bible, and pray as much as you can. By reading your bible you fill your mind with God's thoughts, and become more like him.

 

[Lilly of the Valley]

Pray for the Lord to strengthen your faith. It's good that you admit that you have some problems, that's the first step to deliverance. Also, fill your mind with the Word and speak it too. Especially, scriptures about faith in the Lord. Also, cotiune to pray. You should also, repent of your pride. That seems to be the root cause to your problems. You need to repent of this. Ask the Lord to help you overcome this. Until your pride is delt with, your mind is still going to be out of control. Also, put God first. Recieve His love for you. This will then help you to love Him back and put others first. Your faith will also be strengthened in the process.

 

[Saxman]

Mmm, prayer and bible study. That is basically what I have been doing for the last 6 months or so when I realised just how screwed up I was. Perhaps I was not doing it right, as it did not seem to have any effect beforehand. Maybe I need to pray more about dealing with my pride rather than praying for dealing with the thinking, as you say this is the root cause of my wrong thinking.

How does one go about receiving God's love? It often feels like God is not part of my life, and while I go to Church and pray, I do not seem to feel any spiritual benefits. In fact I often feel like a hypocrite and as if I don't belong in Church. I hear of a lot of people a lot more screwed up than I am talking about deeply spiritual experiences, in which their whole life changed, and I guess I would like one of those-as I can see myself continuing through life as I am now and never really having any satisfactory relationships, and always feeling lonely and empty, and the thought depresses me.

I am sorry to be so blunt and hope I have not offended anyone, but I really want to sort this problem out and I believe that God is the only one who can help me now, and wanted to ask how to best receive his cleansing.

 

[bluesgal]

Dear Saxman,
Praying for you.
Have you told the Lord what you have written here, really poured your heart out to Him, told Jesus how you want to live for Him, make Jesus your soul keeper. Saxman, He already knows how you feel, He is waiting for you to talk to Him about it, He is the waiting for you.
Luke 12:7
But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not therefore: ye are of more value than many sparrows.
If the Lord knows how many hairs are on your head, would he not also know you and your heart and love you.
Keep your eyes on Jesus. Memories bible verse as well, as Liley of the Valley said,

Also, fill your mind with the Word and speak it too. Especially, scriptures about faith in the Lord.

yours in Christ
bluesgal

 

[Saxman]

I will try pouring out my entire heart to Him this evening and not hold anything back, and ask Him to help me live a new life under his guidance. I will let you all know how it goes and what happens.

Thanks bluesgal for the suggestion of memorising passages. I have not hear of that concept before. Maybe if I memorised them they would permeate my soul better than just reading through. Thanks for praying for me, all the way from Australia as well! One phrase that struck me during a Bible reading tonight was the following:

"Renew a right spirit within me"

which I think is a brilliant summary of what I want God to do. I know that I have not always been this way-it is only something that has been with me during the last 3-4 years when I lost my way as an adolescent.

 

[Mike_41786]

Isaiah 41:9 thou whom I have taken hold of from the ends of the earth, and called from the corners thereof, and said unto thee, Thou art my servant, I have chosen thee and not cast thee away; 41:10 Fear thou not, for I am with thee; be not dismayed, for I am thy God; I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. Try to keep in the word, and keep your eyes on God, rest in his peace...

 

[sOuLifieD]

I am struggling really hard with vanity, selfishness and self-absorbtion. While I do not do anything wrong and do a lot of good things, the motives behind them are all wrong. Sometimes I think the only person I really care about is myself. Any time I do something good, it is usually because I am just trying to increase my self-esteem and feel good about myself. With other people I find it very hard to make friends, as I just cannot summon any form of interest in other people, so I resort to insincere compliments or questions about them feigning interest. I am also rather snobbish and very critical of other people, and tend to only associate with my intellectual and social peers (along with beautiful people-I am extremely shallow)

This is ironically accompanied by intense criticism of myself, and insecurities about my looks, my class etc. I have become quite good at putting on a front, but I doubt I am fooling anyone and I am definitely not fooling myself.My arrogance is just a front for my insecurity and lack of confidence, my social graces and politeness, just a front for my apathy towards others.

I see Christians at my Church and they seem to be the complete opposite of me: they are friendly, sincere, optimistic, completely selfless, and confident people. Basically they are how I would like to be, but however hard I pray, read the Bible, beg for forgiveness for my wrong thinking, and try to keep my thoughts pure, I just do not have the strength to change. My faith is weak and I feel powerless.

I know that what I need is a spiritual experience and a complete cleansing of my mind, but nothing seems to change, and I seem unable to connect with God.

Please don't judge me-I know I am a bad person, but there is a part of me that wants to be good ,to be pure.

My interpretation is that where your problem starts, and where the fix is, is the lack of realizing and acknowledging your dependance on God.
You said that "however hard I pray, read the Bible, beg for forgiveness for my wrong thinking, and try to keep my thoughts pure, I just do not have the strength to change. My faith is weak and I feel powerless"
No, you don't have the strength to change. The first step is realizing that alone, you can't do anything. With your own strength, you're stuck in a pit of quicksand and the more you move the deeper you fall. Your faith is weak and you are powerless. You're paralyzed and blind, and the more you try to help yourself, the farther away you get from the answer.
But, there's good news. Jesus Christ, your saviour, isn't any of those things that you can't be. He has the strength and the power, He has the faith to move you and change you. But, without realizing and acknowledging that, He can't do anything. You have the God-given free will that you can use to try and rely on yourself for as long as you want... but until you ask Him to take over and ask Him to be your strength and your wisdom and to bring you out of this hole...until you tell Him that you know you're helpless, and stop trying to be so strong on your own, He can't help you. But once you make realizing your own weakness and God's superiority a daily priority, God will begin to change you and dig you out of that hole that you've dug.

It's in our earthly nature to try and rely on our own strength, and be self centered and self concious. But when you walk your life with the Lord, He can help move you away from that, more and more. It's not easy, but to become Christlike, you have to be willing to change everything He thinks you need to change.

Hope to help!

 

[Lilly of the Valley]

I had trouble recieving the Lord's love myself awhile ago. The Lord Himself even told me to recieve His love! For some reason it took me awhile. Finally I did, and now I love God soooo much. I think the best thing you can do is ask the Lord to help you recieve His love. Thats what I did. Until you truly recieve how much the Lord loves you, He won't truly be a part of your life and you won't be able to show love to others.

 

[Saxman]

Well I had a good prayer last evening, and have to admit I did feel better afterwards and slept a bit better than usual.

Thanks for your advice Soulified. I will sincerely try and place myself in God's hands. This will not come easy for me, as I have always prided myself on being self-sufficient and not needing any help, and believing that whatever problem I am in I can fix it. I think I have now realised that I do need God's help and the hole I have dug myself into, isn't something that I am able to rectify alone.

 

[sawdust]

Mmm, prayer and bible study. That is basically what I have been doing for the last 6 months or so when I realised just how screwed up I was. Perhaps I was not doing it right, as it did not seem to have any effect beforehand.
I am sorry to be so blunt and hope I have not offended anyone, but I really want to sort this problem out and I believe that God is the only one who can help me now, and wanted to ask how to best receive his cleansing.

LOL You absolute sweetheart!!

So for 6 months you have been praying and studying the Bible THEN you realise how screwed up you are and you think you're not doing something right!!!!! LOL

Sounds to me God has led you right to the very point He wants you and what's more you must have been following Him to get there. I think you "oughta keep on keeping on" as they say. Remember we are changed from "one degree of glory to the next".
Rom 1:16 ".....gospel of Christ: for it is the power of God unto salvation...."
Come and sit down at the foot of the Cross. It is where our journey begins and ends. See again "the hands and feet and feel His side" and never stop seeing.
1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins He is faithful and just to forgive us and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
This is God's work, only He can do it. Our God is wonderful not just because He loves sinners but because He loves them soooo much He won't leave them that way! Praise His Blessed Name!
Hang in there Saxman, I think you are doing better than you know.

 

[Saxman]

Mmm. Thanks sawdust, I never thought about it like that. When I say I was praying and reading the bible, in the past I was mostly praying for my situation to improve: e.g. help me be happier, help me make more friends, etc. It is only recently that I have realised the cause of my emptiness and loneliness could be myself, and my wrong thinking. Also by attending Church and meeting such nice people, I realised how different I was from them in terms of my attitude and state of mind, and realised I wanted to be more like them. So maybe God does work in mysterious ways after all.

I suppose there are a lot of people like myself who don't realise that they are thinking wrong, and do not realise why they feel unhappy, so I should be grateful for that.

Maybe it is just a matter of time, I suppose my attitude is that with God changes should happen overnight-the instant cure belief, and as soon as I give myself up to him I should instantly become a nice person.

I will try and report my progress here on this thread, and any support and encourgement will be much appreciated.

Matty

I enjoyed your quotes as well: will commit them to memory.

 

[sawdust]

Maybe it is just a matter of time, I suppose my attitude is that with God changes should happen overnight-the instant cure belief, and as soon as I give myself up to him I should instantly become a nice person.

I will try and report my progress here on this thread, and any support and encourgement will be much appreciated.

Matty

I enjoyed your quotes as well: will commit them to memory.

Sometimes it can be somewhat confusing. We forget that "once we lived in darkness" but now have been "transferred to His Kingdom". It's very different from what we used to know. Just keep taking little steps at a time. The Lord is patient and gentle. Every morning His mercies are new and His love is steadfast. His Word is true and He keeps His promises.
And don't worry about the being "nice" bit too much. Jesus wants faithful people, He knows the "nice" will flow out of the faith.
The Peace of the Lord be with you.

 

[Seeker2]

Saxman,


After reading through this thread I have to say that you and I share almost exactly the same feelings and I wanted to let you know that you are not alone in your journey, I am there beside you. Along with Christ, we can triumph in the lord. I pray for our salvation.

 

[Periann]

Hi Saxman, how you doing? Haven't seen you in a while.

Yea, purification is definitely something I struggle with as well, its so hard to let go old habits and old ways of thinking, but God says that it is possible. I think the whole thing comes with time and patience, and nothing you seem to want will come in a flash. 2 Peter 1:5 about sums up what I am trying to say. Every fruit is built on the other, so I speculate that being the perfect Christian (if that were even possible) would take quite a while. However, I feel that after acknowledging the change that is needed in your heart, you have already won half the battle. Keep your mind concentrated on God's word, don't hesitate to spread His love, to challenge yourself.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

Naah dude. You're just human like the rest of us.
The fact that you admit these things is half the battle right there.
Growing as a person requires living life in order to do so. At 20, there's quite a bit of living to do.

 

[JesusInMyHeart]

II Cor 3: 18
“And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into His likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.”

Prov 11: 25b, “He who refresh others will himself be refreshed.”

Everyone can be a blessing where they are planted. Everyone can be used of God and bloom where they are planted.

That is why Paul said, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Philippians 4:13). If you want success, you need to have the Holy Spirit in your life. You need to call upon Him everyday. The flesh has nothing of real value because it is weak, sinful and carnally minded. 1 John 2:16-17, "For all that is in the world-the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life- is not of the Father but is of the world. We are indebted to the Spirit because it is He who gives us life; He sets us free from sin and death and renews our minds. The Spirit who gives life and peace assures us that our mortal bodies will be resurrected. Therefore, obeying God is wise.
it takes two-the Spirit and you, to live after the will of God. Our part is to will to be obedient to the Spirit and the Spirit's part is to break the power of sin which rules over our lives. Jesus said, "If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me" (Luke 9:23). Self has to be put on the cross daily.

The spirit of Christ has come to help you to be Godlike in your character. The Holy Spirit comes; He comes to guide, to teach and to show you how you can be like Him. The Bible says we are being transformed into the image of His Son, Jesus Christ and the only way that we become transformed like Him is through the Holy Spirit. You need the Holy Spirit. You need to recognize the Holy Spirit in your life. Many of us struggle to be an over-comer and to do what is right. But do not have the strength. That is why Jesus said the Holy Spirit has come to give you power to be a witness and a testimony for Him.

You see, the Bible is an instructor, much like a school teacher. The Bible shows you what is right and what is wrong. Because of the Bible I know God is holy and I am a sinner. The Bible cannot make me good; it only tells me who I am and what I must do. We must understand that God has given all things to Jesus. The only way that the grace of God is going to flow through you and your life is through the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit will teach you, show you and make it applicable in your everyday living. Through the Holy Spirit, He will teach us and show us so that we can be what God wants us to be.

It is the Holy Spirit that gives you the dynamics to become what Jesus says we can be and wants us to be. Do not lean on your arm of flesh, or your own ability or your own strength and natural wisdom but say to the Holy Spirit, “Have your own way in my heart and life.”

The Holy Spirit wants to take our hands, tongues, feet, minds and heart. He comes to fill your life and to give you the right kind of desires. Today and everyday, let the Holy Spirit fill you.

God Bless

 

[Saxman]

Hi Periann. Thanks for your concern. I am doing fine thank you. Working hard on praying, reading the bible etc. but I guess I am just a bit impatient. It took me a long time to end up how I am now, so I shouldn't really expect instant results.

Thanks Jesusinmyheart. I am learning a lot from your posts and things that I never understood before are starting to become clear. Most of my early Christian life was very much just paying lip-service to God. It was just the done thing in my family, and the church we went to was very relaxed and laissez faire, so it is very helpful to gain more understanding of how to live a godly life and develop a real relationship with God.

 

[superbear02]

I can really relate with you right now, I believe that we need to get over our selfishness...and just give it all up to God...I'm not positive how to do that though...its very hard...

 

[JesusInMyHeart]

Hi...Saxman

I just want to say, that you are most welcome for the posts. I give God all the praise and glory that things are becoming more clearer for you...

************************

Your spiritual oneness with Jesus Christ allows God to see you as someone infinitely attractive, desirable and lovable. Because you are allowing God to do what he likes in your life, he is gradually changing you so that one day you will be completely Christ-like. When your Maker looks at you, he sees the perfect person that you will become when he completes his work in your life.

The Bible is God revealing Himself to you. Bible-reading is essential nourishment for your soul. By reading the Bible and putting it into practice, you will gradually grow in wisdom and spiritual strength.

Fun ways to grow spiritually:

Christian music is a great way to learn and be reminded of wonderful spiritual truths.

There are many thrilling and inspiring Christian books that you won’t be able to put down. Visit some Christian bookshops, explain roughly where you are spiritually and see what they come up with. Good Christian books are a way of fostering spiritual growth.

Here is a suggestion:

Books by Charles Stanley are well written..with many Scriptures..Very inspired books

Audio tapes, videos, websites, Christian television and radio, are other possibilities.

Praise him:

Praise is powerful because:

* It is the language of love

* It honors your Lord

* It increases your faith, building spiritual muscle like nothing else can

* It is a weapon that defeats evil forces

* It is God’s anti-depressant

* It liberates us to become God-centered, instead of self-centered

Love Him fervently:

It is important to work hard for Jesus. One of your new abilities, due to your union with Christ, is that you no longer need be controlled by your emotions. You can rule your emotions. So, literally stir up your emotions and get excited about God. Stop thinking you would be happier with more money or more friends or some such thing. Realize that what you really need to satisfy that emptiness within is an even closer relationship with your Perfect Lord. Serve the Lord with gladness!

To be friends with God involves abandoning all hope of ever pleasing God by our own efforts and, instead, relying on Jesus to do it for us. We must trust Jesus to make us perfect in God’s sight and to give us the power to please God. Constantly desire to know God more fully. You are exceedingly precious to God (Isaiah 43:4; 62:3). There is no love as great as God’s love and he loves you with all the love he has got.

If a pilot were to place more credence upon his feelings (whether he ‘felt’ that his plane was upright, etc.) than on his plane’s instrumentation he would be in great danger. God’s Word is 100% reliable, but our feelings lack that reliability. The only safe thing is to place full confidence in God’s Word.

Because you are allowing God to do what He likes in your life, He is gradually changing you (2 Corinthians 3:18) so that one day you will be completely Christ-like (Romans 8:29; 1 Corinthians 15:49; 1 John 3:2). So when your Maker looks at you now, He sees the perfect person that you will become when He completes his work in your life (Colossians 1:22,27).

Our aim should be to keep in contact with our wonderful Lord as often as we can throughout the day (by being conscious of his presence, ‘thinking to God,’ sending up quick prayers such as, ‘Help!’ or ‘I love you, Jesus!’ – 1 Thessalonians 5:17-18; Philippians 4:6,8).

Thinking about how to solve a problem is helpful, but praying about it is even more effective!

It is Scripture that is our ultimate authority, not our feelings. Wherever possible, don’t rush into following an inner urge, especially when an important decision is involved. Pray more about it, examine it in the light of Scripture.

Persistence is very important (Luke 18:1-7). Great faith will guarantee an answer, but not necessarily an immediate answer. Some prayers are answered instantly. A few are answered only after years of persistent praying. God’s timing is always perfect and as we persist we will receive the answer at the best possible time.

Never lose sight of the fact that the main purpose of Bible study is to help you live the victorious, fulfilling and useful life that the Lord wants you to enjoy (Joshua 1:8; Psalm 119:11). Therefore it is essential that you put into practice what the Bible says (Matthew 7:24,26; James 1:22).

You must separate yourself from sin (see 1 Corinthians 6:9-10; Galatians 5:l9-21; Ephesians 5:4-5; Revelation 21:8). This includes envy, hate, anger, greed, bad language, occult practices, dishonesty, sex outside of marriage, homosexuality, stealing, getting drunk, and practices that are injurious to health.

Because you have made God your God, you must obey Him and look to Him alone for direction. It is therefore wrong to resort to horoscopes, palmistry, tarot cards, seances, ouija boards, and so on. (Deuteronomy 18:10-15; 1 Chronicles 10:13,14; Isaiah 8:19).