Puns

[Rigatoni]

As requested, a topic for posting all of your favorite jokes / bad puns. Here I'll start:


How does an astronomer cut his hair?
Eclipse it.

What did the worker at the rubber band factory say when he lost his job?
Oh snap!

I don't now why I'm so scared of cats.
I guess they just freak meowt.

Can February March?
No, but April May.

What's the different between a piano and a tuna fish?
You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna!

I was about to tell a bowling joke to my friend.
But he stopped me and said: "Spare me!"

A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns,
but I soon realized that toucan play at that game!

What is the difference between a nicely dressed man on a tricycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?
A tire.

There was a kidnapping at school today.
It's okay though, he woke up.

A man just assaulted me with milk, cream and butter.
How dairy!

 

[LadyOfMystery]

This thread is very gouda.

 

[LadyOfMystery]

I bought a wooden whistle... But it wooden whistle!

ETA:

Triangle to a Circle: You're pointless!

Circle replies: That's how I roll.

 

[Left]

Did you hear about the Selfie stick that keeps falling?

Yeah, it really got out of hand!

 

[Rigatoni]

This thread is very gouda.

 

[LadyOfMystery]

It's the only pun I have, okay??

 

[LadyOfMystery]

What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta!

 

[Citanul]

A lorry full of tortoises collided with a van full of terrapins. It was a turtle disaster.

I went to the doctor. I said to him "I'm frightened of lapels." He said, "You've got cholera."

I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he said 'You've been promoted.' And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said You've been promoted again.' And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I said 'I careered off the road.'

Me and my brother inherited some furniture from the local zoo. I’m glad to say I got the lion’s chair.

Whenever I’m in Italy I become a rickety old table. I guess I’m just a hopeless Rome antique.

 

[timewerx]

How does an astronomer cut his hair?
Eclipse it.

I use Babyliss not Eclipse to cut my own hair.

 

[Multifavs]

Haha, great thread! I like all the puns.
I've heard many funny puns but I'm not that good at making them. The only one I've used was this:

Multifavs is "Multi-tasking"!

 

[Rigatoni]

Haha, great thread! I like all the puns.
I've heard many funny puns but I'm not that good at making them. The only one I've used was this:

Multifavs is "Multi-tasking"!

Haha thanks! Well that one was pretty good lol.

 

[LadyOfMystery]

This might sound cheesy, but I think you're really grate!

Haha and my personal favorite I've found so far:

Sweet dreams are made of cheese, who am I to dis a brie, I cheddar the world and the feta cheese, everybody's looking for stilton

 

[Rigatoni]

Sweet dreams are made of cheese, who am I to dis a brie, I cheddar the world and the feta cheese, everybody's looking for stilton

Haha! That's the best one so far.

 

[LadyOfMystery]

Haha! That's the best one so far.

I know, right? Hmmm... I wonder if I could find some other song puns.

 

[Rigatoni]

"A suspect was arrested today for attempting to steal a cheese display; supposedly he was up to no Gouda. However, someone Provolone-d him enough money to make bail. The suspect responded by saying: 'This is Grate! I no longer feel so Bleu.'"

Hmm, that joke is quite cheesy.

 

[Grandpa2390]

As requested, a topic for posting all of your favorite jokes / bad puns. Here I'll start:


How does an astronomer cut his hair?
Eclipse it.

is that technically a pun?

I thought a pun had to give the joke a double meaning..

She had a photographic memory but never developed it.

because developed has a meaning that applies to photographic and memory. so it has a double meaning.

"Eclipse it" just sounds like he clips it and is related to astronomy..

 

[Rigatoni]

is that technically a pun?

I thought a pun had to give the joke a double meaning..

She had a photographic memory but never developed it.

because developed has a meaning that applies to photographic and memory. so it has a double meaning.

"Eclipse it" just sounds like he clips it and is related to astronomy..

It can include a double meaning or a play on words.

 

[LadyOfMystery]

Also

"Don't be bacon my heart....I couldn't if I fried."

 

[LadyOfMystery]

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

27 Delightfully Terrible Christian Puns to Annoy the Heck Out of Your Friends With | ChurchPOP