How do I cope with it? I pray. "casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you." (1 Peter 5:7) But things keep coming back. But God can make me strong so they can not effect me. I can forgive. Forgiving makes me stronger. But my character needs curing in God's peace. "Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you." (James 4:7)
So, obviously, sucking it up is not the answer. But this world's people don't know what we need. But you never know who God can use; so do listen to any person who cares about you, and do not fear ones who might make you ashamed. Ones who try to make you feel ashamed do not know how to love you; and they are losing so much by not knowing how to love; so do not let such people have power over you; and it is foolish to expect unloving people to be able to feel for you and help you!
Only our Father is able > Jesus says, "without Me you can do nothing," in John 15:5. But His peace is almighty; there is a battle; so we do need people who can pray with us; those attacks are design plays to keep us from being in God's peace.
By forgiving shamers and caring about them, you can become stronger against the attacks. Because being strong against shame helps make us strong against fear and pain and other things. Forgiving helps make us stronger.
And so, of course, we do not need our egos to be "healed" to themselves. We need our brothers and sisters in Jesus, to become one with each other so we are stronger together with God through Jesus.
Jesus is our High Priest > "For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin." (Hebrews 4:15) So, Jesus has been through trauma, and He feels for us. He went through trauma, in order to be here for us. So, we get stronger, by going through things with the attitude that our experience can help us to feel for others and help others with how God's grace helps us. We can take advantage of our suffering to help us help others, and this loving helps to encourage us and make us stronger against our own trouble.
So, everything in God's word is medicine - - with correction, though, for ourselves, not being victims at the mercy of the world's system and hoping worldly people will understand and help us. Or . . . by depending on people who "don't get it", we stay weak. Have mercy on them, compassion > "He can have compassion on those who are ignorant and going astray, since he himself is also subject to weakness." (Hebrews 5:2)
Paul was whipped and beaten. And I imagine he personally knew and loved brothers and sisters who were killed by persecution. So, how did he deal with trauma? 2 Corinthians 12:7-15 > including
2 Corinthians 12:7-10 > "And lest I should be exalted above measure by the abundance of the revelations, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I be exalted above measure. Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. And He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christs sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
In God's grace, Paul actually took "pleasure" in his sufferings. Because God's grace is almighty. Consider how Jesus had been hated and whipped and beaten and cursed and nailed, and in His resurrection He still had His wounds but His wounds could not keep making Him suffer. And His grace in us has the same almighty resurrection power.
So, if you try to do it yourself, this is part of our problem.
I have found that everyday people can help me with any problem, but I need to listen and give what they say to God, for how He is able to use any caring person's love and help. I need to be humble > "swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God." (in James 1:19-20)
So, it is important that I am not ready to self-righteously criticize people for not understanding me. Be humble. Pride can have me reacting violently, feeling somehow superior . . . but actually isolated by how I am judging. And, like I say . . . shame can be a dirty trick, making me feel like others want to shame me, when they have no such desire. Let each person speak for oneself!
Blessing and not cursing . . . I can become stronger as I bless people who even do despise me. But, also, I can easily assume they are trying to shame me, when ones are not! "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love." (1 John 4:18) So, God's love almighty with resurrection power "casts out fear". He cast Satan to earth "like lightning" (Luke 10:18). So, He can give your attacks a smacking
So, there are people who have been telling you the right thing. And God understands you better than you do