I don't think the person whose fuse is blown has no responsibility in preventing his fuse from being blown. Quite the opposite. However, responsibility is by definition a finite domain, which can be seen even in the morphology of the term: response able. Can you imagine a saint who has an excellent character in holding responsibility over himself in attempting to prevent himself from blowing his fuse still having his fuse blown if he has a crappy enough month (mom dies, dog dies, bad traffic, boss breathing down his neck, etc. etc.) and someone comes along and tops things off with a crappy attitude and won't let down? I sure can. So what do we say here? The gas tank, which was well on its way to being emptied, finally empties, and the saint erupts in anger and maybe a small act of physical violence (e.g., a shove, a scream, etc.).
Let me try to cut things short here - because I feel we are mostly talking past each other.
I for one am assuming that any person who resorts to violence (be it physical or psychological) is in such a state as you describe above for your "saint". They are in a rough spot, and in their helplessness they resort to counterproductive solutions. Their needs aren´t met, they are at the end of their patience, they are at the end of their emotional fuel, they reach the point of their fuse being blown - we can call it what we will.
We will not reach these persons (or supply them with better solutions) by blaming/accusing them (and this whole "responsibility"-business is, in its essence, about accusing/blaming people.) What they need is empathy.
I am assuming that deliberate violence for violence´s sake is the privilege of sociopaths. Sociopaths, however, are a league of their own, and they will not be impressed by being shown "hey, you're trying to tick of Dave" (because that´s exactly what they want to do, and they know it).
Consequently, I am assuming that in 99% of all cases violence isn´t performed for violence´s sake, but as a ("suicidal") strategy of fulfilling one´s deep unmet need(s) and getting rid of psychological pain and hurt feelings. A person in that state isn´t responsive to accusations and "responsibility"-calculations.
As, in general, abstractions do not help us dealing with our own or other persons´ feelings. I will readily concede, however, that that´s the way we traditionally have been appproaching these things in our cultures for milleniums. It has never proven successful, though. It has always done nothing but amplifying the underlying problem: Namely, that we aren´t in lively contact with our feelings, and that we don´t allow ourselves to express our feelings. That, at best, we are used to expression our feelings in post-hoc rationalized justifications.
Or, in very short: If I find myself operating with concepts such as responsibility, I can be sure that I am somewhat removed from my empathy - the very thing you complain is missing in your society.
