- Jul 20, 2018
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This is one of those Psalms that took years for me to fully appreciate.
It speaks to me as I experience existential disquiet, something new for me.
Not related to anything too specific, just the challenges of aging.
7 Your wrath lies heavy upon me,
and you overwhelm me with all your waves.
Some days are great and others are dark Quite often I feel no sense of God at all. And the trails of daily life seem more than I am up to dealing with.
14 O LORD, why do you cast my soul away?
Why do you hide your face from me?
And I know I am not alone in this feeling of God hiding his face, casting my soul away. It is a test of faith, I know. is faith deep enough to get us through the dark times? The alone times? The times of inner chaos. Jesus said he has overcome the world. I certainly have not. At times my faith seems like fantasy, wish fulfillment imagination.
16 Your wrath has swept over me;
your dreadful assaults destroy me.
17 They surround me like a flood all day long;
they close in on me together.
Doubts, assaults of doubts and the mindfulness of all that goes wrong in life. And it is not just mental. My body also feels it.
18 You have caused my beloved and my friend to shun me;
my companions have become darkness.
So I close my eyes in prayer, dark silence, emptiness. At least that is always there.
But I know I am not alone in this. Generations and ages of brothers and sister in faith have been on this path. The Psalms bring the same experiences from centuries ago.
42 As a deer pants for flowing streams,
so pants my soul for you, O God.
2 My soul thirsts for God,
for the living God.
When shall I come and appear before God?
3 My tears have been my food
day and night,
while they say to me all the day long,
“Where is your God?”
4 These things I remember,
as I pour out my soul:
how I would go with the throng
and lead them in procession to the house of God
with glad shouts and songs of praise,
a multitude keeping festival.
5 Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my salvation 6 and my God.
My soul is cast down within me;
therefore I remember you
from the land of Jordan and of Hermon,
from Mount Mizar.
7 Deep calls to deep
at the roar of your waterfalls;
all your breakers and your waves
have gone over me.
8 By day the LORD commands his steadfast love,
and at night his song is with me,
a prayer to the God of my life.
9 I say to God, my rock:
“Why have you forgotten me?
Why do I go mourning
because of the oppression of the enemy?”
10 As with a deadly wound in my bones,
my adversaries taunt me,
while they say to me all the day long,
“Where is your God?”
11 Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my salvation and my God.
No longer just pious words. No longer pretty thoughts. But the substance of my experience. Brothers and sisters in faith speaking for me from ancient times.
It speaks to me as I experience existential disquiet, something new for me.
Not related to anything too specific, just the challenges of aging.
7 Your wrath lies heavy upon me,
and you overwhelm me with all your waves.
Some days are great and others are dark Quite often I feel no sense of God at all. And the trails of daily life seem more than I am up to dealing with.
14 O LORD, why do you cast my soul away?
Why do you hide your face from me?
And I know I am not alone in this feeling of God hiding his face, casting my soul away. It is a test of faith, I know. is faith deep enough to get us through the dark times? The alone times? The times of inner chaos. Jesus said he has overcome the world. I certainly have not. At times my faith seems like fantasy, wish fulfillment imagination.
16 Your wrath has swept over me;
your dreadful assaults destroy me.
17 They surround me like a flood all day long;
they close in on me together.
Doubts, assaults of doubts and the mindfulness of all that goes wrong in life. And it is not just mental. My body also feels it.
18 You have caused my beloved and my friend to shun me;
my companions have become darkness.
So I close my eyes in prayer, dark silence, emptiness. At least that is always there.
But I know I am not alone in this. Generations and ages of brothers and sister in faith have been on this path. The Psalms bring the same experiences from centuries ago.
42 As a deer pants for flowing streams,
so pants my soul for you, O God.
2 My soul thirsts for God,
for the living God.
When shall I come and appear before God?
3 My tears have been my food
day and night,
while they say to me all the day long,
“Where is your God?”
4 These things I remember,
as I pour out my soul:
how I would go with the throng
and lead them in procession to the house of God
with glad shouts and songs of praise,
a multitude keeping festival.
5 Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my salvation 6 and my God.
My soul is cast down within me;
therefore I remember you
from the land of Jordan and of Hermon,
from Mount Mizar.
7 Deep calls to deep
at the roar of your waterfalls;
all your breakers and your waves
have gone over me.
8 By day the LORD commands his steadfast love,
and at night his song is with me,
a prayer to the God of my life.
9 I say to God, my rock:
“Why have you forgotten me?
Why do I go mourning
because of the oppression of the enemy?”
10 As with a deadly wound in my bones,
my adversaries taunt me,
while they say to me all the day long,
“Where is your God?”
11 Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my salvation and my God.
No longer just pious words. No longer pretty thoughts. But the substance of my experience. Brothers and sisters in faith speaking for me from ancient times.
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