Protecting Your Heart in Friendships

[Evie1980]

I am in a slight predicament at the moment. I have aslways had a lot of non-Christian friends and find myself being caught up more in their lives than my own (i.e. I tend to follow their examples rather than them following mine). I know that we can't seperate ourselves entirely from the world and really enjoy most of these friendships however, of late I am feeling a light tired in them. Don't get me wrong - I have a lot of loving Christian friends, but my non-Christian friendship at the moment is really starting to get complicated.

I know it would not be good to leave the relationship (more harm than good could come of it) yet I know that I have to protect my heart a little more. BTW this is a girlfriend who is married with kids not some guy that I am getting a little too close to. Anyway I would appreciate any advice you could give me in regards to this.

Blessings,
Evie

 

[BRISH]

I try to view those around me as "people around me", firstly. As long as our opposing views don't cause heated conflicts, then I have no issues. I have had some great friendships (non-believers) that proved to be far better people to me then some of my "very christianly" friends. As long as they treat me well and respect me, I have no issues.

I'm starting to see though that somewhere down the path in those relationships, something usually gives or breaks. I don't like it, and I'll do what I can to keep it intact. I guess it depends on what the issues are. If they are upset at you for not standing with them on an issue that you disagree with, then you're kind of forced to make a decision in regards to that friendship. I don't know. As long as the niether side expects from the other, more than they can give, then it should work out. If not, then it won't work no matter how much you might like it to.

Not to pry, but it really depends on the situation and what advice you are looking for or needing. I certainly am not going to tell someone to disconnect from another person just because of spiritual beliefs. There has to be more to it to make a decision.

God Bless

Added: As far as how to protect your heart....I'd rather my heart break over a failed friendship then to have possibly missed a great friendship. That's just me.

 

[miss-a]

I think it is important that you get lots of prayer about this and also have some good, strong Christians to whom you can confide in about this relationship, to keep you on the straight and narrow, someone(s) who is/are honest and brave enough to lovingly say to you anything that needs to be said. It seems your Holy Spirit red flag may already be waving on this one, and it's good to get confirmation and guidance in such situations.

I'm speaking from experience. I, in the past (Oh Lord, I pray it's all in the past!) have tended to allow myself to get sucked into unhealthy people's lives and situations because I wanted to help and share the Lord and be a good Christian. But I've now learned that often times I was casting my pearls and getting trampled. I didn't have anyone around who dared to tell me that. And I paid dearly, which would have been okay if the person I was trying to help had gained anything. But they didn't. They only honed their unhealthy coping skills.

I heard Bible teacher, Beth Moore, give a teaching where she spoke of this sort of thing. She said that these people are worthy of being helped, but sometimes we simply aren't the one to do the helping. God has someone in line to help them when they are ready to recieve help and to do what it takes to cooperate with their own healing. That some one isn't always me. It isn't always you. Having the input of good, godly people with strong walks with the Lord helps us to discern this.

Do you have someone godly in your life who can support you through this?

 

[Zoness]

To be honest it sounds like "protecting your heart" is just a buzz phrase for having a fragile belief system that you are afraid others can undermine. Could be totally wrong, though since I don't really know the exact situation you are describing.

 

[Obzocky]

Friends with differing opinions and views on life are amazing for allowing us to see the world through a slightly different pair of spectacles, however sometimes we need to remind ourselves that we are individuals and as such our decisions should come from what we believe to be right and not through the inadvertent influence of others if the behaviours you are exhibiting conflict with how you believe you should be acting.

You talk of following their examples instead of them following you, perhaps this is because you do follow them? Sometimes we have to stand back and stick to our guns, we can be friends and converse with people, enjoy their company, but sometimes you just have to go down your own path. Which doesn't really help you ... you open your heart and risk getting hurt, you risk it being lead astray, but the stumbles serve to make you stronger. You can grow from these experiences and help develop the strength to stick the path you feel, as a Christian, you should follow whilst still maintaining these friendships.

 

[Evie1980]

Thank you all for your replies. God did answer my questions in the way of a sermon today. I believe, in all things, that His wisdom is always available so I thank you for the wisdom you have shared.

I realise now that most of what has happened is, of course, my own fault. I live in a developing (third world) nation where the UN control the peace. It is a very stressful situation with many cultural and spiritual clashes. Friendships are hard to come by and many times they are hard to seek out. My friend, whom I adore, is just different to me in many ways and some times how we deal with situations varies a lot. I know that I need a lot of "home" time and of late I have not being getting it. Also spending so much time with her means that I have not spent enough time developing other relationships here in Dili. Also I know that I should have let what happened slide. I felt a bit convicted about that. I was too busy making my own feelings know that I forgot the impact that it had on those around me. I have to remember that the sound of my voice is not always the best thing for others to listen to some days.

I do know that I need to be careful in relationship with non-Christians but finding the balance is what I am working towards. I need to develop my Christian and non-Christian friendships in a godly way. Praying that it will happen.

Thanks

 

[Revived]

So glad you recognized the Lord's voice in this. Praying that you find this balance and most importantly, that you continue to recognize and move to His voice in all things.

 

[JohnDB]

I have a lot of friends and acquaintances in the world. So many of them are not Christian. So many of them in one way or another do break your heart. I can't live their lives for them and nor them mine. I look at the troubles in my life and then look at the troubles in another's life and realize...I know I don't want theirs.
I do what I can to help them...it isn't usually any where near enough. They usually don't take advice. Even when it is said in a gentle, loving manner. Their value systems are often very different.

Do all you can to make a difference...don't follow their lead...live your own life and be true to your own nature.

Shakespeare is famous for a line: To thine own self be true.

 

[ceh85]

Hey Evie I can relate to this, having only recently become a Christian all my closest friends are either ambivalent or non-believers. I also get caught up in the way they live and can find it hard not to be swept away by it. I heard somewhere that your closest friends should be Christian but I don't want to stop being friends with people I love and care about because they aren't Christian. I think it is good to have some interaction with Christians and then try not to be swept along with your friend while you are with her too. It's ok to take a step back and break up the 'rhythm' of that interaction in order to preserve your principles etc. (I hope this is making sense!) Also she might even like to know more about you and feel glad that you can talk to her about it. All of my non-Christian friends I have opened up to have been supportive, because they are my friends and they want me to be happy.

I will be praying about this anyway. Most of my life has been spent with amazing non-Christian people as my closest friends. I would love them to discover God, but I also love them as they are now. I think they can bless us, and we can also bless them by being ourselves and being true to what we believe in.

By the way was the sermon something that would be relevant to the thread? I would be interested in hearing more about it if so, but no pressure as I can guess you are a busy lady!