Hi all, sorry if my english is not so good.
I'm new here and this is my first post, and i have (what i guess) an awesome experience to share, that's why i entered this forum. i'll try to be succinct:
i'm a philosophy student, graduating in colege and always liked to read guys like Nietzsche, Schopenhauer (atheists) and others unbelivers not so famous, like Cioran, and in literature i always liked to read mostly the atheists, the nihilists, the pessimistics, the skeptics etc as well, and really LOVING(attention in this exactly word) them. Despite that strong influence i never really closed the doors of religion or God completely. One example this is that during a trip over Europe i had a great interest by visiting Romania, a very religious country, and particularly its churches, mostly orthodox, in some, i can call, quest for my true self or god. i also walked along a part of the St.James way and i can say these trips changed me and i found a true peace in these travels and started to think that i really found what i was looking for, and some "coincidences" in the trip supported this view. Well, the fact is that once i came back to my hometown i was being the same guy as i was before, started to drink and seek pleasure with lack of self control just as a "normal" young man in our world and i felt i lost that peace. And i remember to talk with myself one day: "what a dumb man i'm, i found peace, maybe i found god just some days ago and now i'm wasting it, i'll have to SEEK (attention,the exactly word i thought at the time) Him, because if i feel He is not with me, He is not, that's why i feel i have to SEEK Him again". Anyway, that same day i started to read Nietzsche,- an impious, UNGODLY for the christians - for my college conclusion writing where i would defend him in my thesis, and i remember to think while reading: "damn, this man is really a genius, how could someone explains better the world or existence than this guy? But, i don't know why, something tells me he is not right, he couldn't be right." At this point i just took my bible thinking "who could be more true than Nietzsche, so?" and i took the bible with skepticism, without confidence or faith, but just like St.Augustin said in his Confessions, "i will read the first chapter i find below my eyes". I was about to pick a page, more to the end, probably in the new testament, but suddently the Bible fell on my left hand and the book was 2Chronicles, chapter 19, the first thing my eyes saw and i said " ok then, that's it". I read the short narrative story above the begining of the chapter for curiosity, in the same page, only one paragraph, but then started reading the 19. And it says(i'll maximize the key-words/phrases),:
"And Jehoshaphat the king of Judah returned to his house in peace to Jerusalem.
And Jehu the son of Hanani the seer went out to meet him, and said to king Jehoshaphat, SHOULDEST THOU HELP THE UNGODLY, AND LOVE THEM THAT HATE THE LORD? therefore is wrath upon thee from before the lord. Nevertheless THERE ARE GOOD THINGS FOUND IN THEE, in that thou hast taken away the groves out of the land, AND HAST PREPARED THINE HEART TO SEEK GOD."
Well, should i explain something more? It was impossible don't think that these words weren't for me at the time and later i research the Bible AND DISCOVERED THAT NO PASSAGE IN THE ENTIRE BIBLE WAS MORE ACCURATE FOR ME. I was comfortably numb, really paralysed and the way i told this story doesn't approach the sensation i had at the time and the dimension of this, i'll pass the rest of my life remembering this event but the story doesn't ends here. While paralysed i started to wonder how difficult would be to become a christian as i remember for example, ortodox priests i saw in Romania, i started to imagine my life without some things i liked, and specifically my life without woman or sex because you know, christianism strongly reccomend chastity, is not a commandment, but a recommendation and i was about to follow because if i'm going to be a christian i must follow everything that is good and be 100% christian, not 80% or 90%, but in my mind i failed, and i have to admit or even confess that in that moment i thought: "this, even no sex at all, would be so difficult that i'm really thinking in masturbation right now and this is the proof of my weakness to be christian at all, i could use my hands and touch myself right now just after the lord said to me KEEP SEEKING GOD". But, so, after one second i was already doubting of this and thinking "god didn't answered me before, was coincidence etc." and lacking of pacience to be a real christian and not trusting anymore. Anyway, the next thing i did was look another word from God, i thought "maybe God has an answer about this anguish too", and looked for another book and chapter and despite i was skeptic again i follow His advice and kept my heart seeking Him, and you know what? God has sense of humour despite being imperative because the FIRST THING i read as i picked at random another page was (the traduction is mine this time because in some bibles the book of Eclesiastico is considered apocrypha and i didn't found it already translated too: Eclo 2, 12-14, it says: "woe to the lazy cowardly hearts and hands -(anything to do with masturbation?) -, woe to the sinner who walks along two paths, the heart that is lazy and doesn't trust, because they will not be protected. woe to you who have lost patience. what will you do when the Lord ask them accounts?"
That's it, no need of more explanations.
God bless you.
I'm new here and this is my first post, and i have (what i guess) an awesome experience to share, that's why i entered this forum. i'll try to be succinct:
i'm a philosophy student, graduating in colege and always liked to read guys like Nietzsche, Schopenhauer (atheists) and others unbelivers not so famous, like Cioran, and in literature i always liked to read mostly the atheists, the nihilists, the pessimistics, the skeptics etc as well, and really LOVING(attention in this exactly word) them. Despite that strong influence i never really closed the doors of religion or God completely. One example this is that during a trip over Europe i had a great interest by visiting Romania, a very religious country, and particularly its churches, mostly orthodox, in some, i can call, quest for my true self or god. i also walked along a part of the St.James way and i can say these trips changed me and i found a true peace in these travels and started to think that i really found what i was looking for, and some "coincidences" in the trip supported this view. Well, the fact is that once i came back to my hometown i was being the same guy as i was before, started to drink and seek pleasure with lack of self control just as a "normal" young man in our world and i felt i lost that peace. And i remember to talk with myself one day: "what a dumb man i'm, i found peace, maybe i found god just some days ago and now i'm wasting it, i'll have to SEEK (attention,the exactly word i thought at the time) Him, because if i feel He is not with me, He is not, that's why i feel i have to SEEK Him again". Anyway, that same day i started to read Nietzsche,- an impious, UNGODLY for the christians - for my college conclusion writing where i would defend him in my thesis, and i remember to think while reading: "damn, this man is really a genius, how could someone explains better the world or existence than this guy? But, i don't know why, something tells me he is not right, he couldn't be right." At this point i just took my bible thinking "who could be more true than Nietzsche, so?" and i took the bible with skepticism, without confidence or faith, but just like St.Augustin said in his Confessions, "i will read the first chapter i find below my eyes". I was about to pick a page, more to the end, probably in the new testament, but suddently the Bible fell on my left hand and the book was 2Chronicles, chapter 19, the first thing my eyes saw and i said " ok then, that's it". I read the short narrative story above the begining of the chapter for curiosity, in the same page, only one paragraph, but then started reading the 19. And it says(i'll maximize the key-words/phrases),:
"And Jehoshaphat the king of Judah returned to his house in peace to Jerusalem.
And Jehu the son of Hanani the seer went out to meet him, and said to king Jehoshaphat, SHOULDEST THOU HELP THE UNGODLY, AND LOVE THEM THAT HATE THE LORD? therefore is wrath upon thee from before the lord. Nevertheless THERE ARE GOOD THINGS FOUND IN THEE, in that thou hast taken away the groves out of the land, AND HAST PREPARED THINE HEART TO SEEK GOD."
Well, should i explain something more? It was impossible don't think that these words weren't for me at the time and later i research the Bible AND DISCOVERED THAT NO PASSAGE IN THE ENTIRE BIBLE WAS MORE ACCURATE FOR ME. I was comfortably numb, really paralysed and the way i told this story doesn't approach the sensation i had at the time and the dimension of this, i'll pass the rest of my life remembering this event but the story doesn't ends here. While paralysed i started to wonder how difficult would be to become a christian as i remember for example, ortodox priests i saw in Romania, i started to imagine my life without some things i liked, and specifically my life without woman or sex because you know, christianism strongly reccomend chastity, is not a commandment, but a recommendation and i was about to follow because if i'm going to be a christian i must follow everything that is good and be 100% christian, not 80% or 90%, but in my mind i failed, and i have to admit or even confess that in that moment i thought: "this, even no sex at all, would be so difficult that i'm really thinking in masturbation right now and this is the proof of my weakness to be christian at all, i could use my hands and touch myself right now just after the lord said to me KEEP SEEKING GOD". But, so, after one second i was already doubting of this and thinking "god didn't answered me before, was coincidence etc." and lacking of pacience to be a real christian and not trusting anymore. Anyway, the next thing i did was look another word from God, i thought "maybe God has an answer about this anguish too", and looked for another book and chapter and despite i was skeptic again i follow His advice and kept my heart seeking Him, and you know what? God has sense of humour despite being imperative because the FIRST THING i read as i picked at random another page was (the traduction is mine this time because in some bibles the book of Eclesiastico is considered apocrypha and i didn't found it already translated too: Eclo 2, 12-14, it says: "woe to the lazy cowardly hearts and hands -(anything to do with masturbation?) -, woe to the sinner who walks along two paths, the heart that is lazy and doesn't trust, because they will not be protected. woe to you who have lost patience. what will you do when the Lord ask them accounts?"
That's it, no need of more explanations.
God bless you.
