Problems with my mom

[jessicamayer]

Hi,

I'm 21 and I've been having a problem with my mom for a few years now. My parents are leaders at church but I feel they lead a double life. My mom likes to be in control of everything. We are good for a while but there are times where she just snaps at me.

So, today, she told me that I was abusive when I told her how I felt about a phone plan she wanted for me. When I say my opinion she thinks I am undermining her authority. She then swore at me and told me she wanted nothing to do with me. I know it sounds like an extreme reaction to a disagreement but in all honesty I believe it is from problems in the past. I did something which I shouldn'thave and told her that she was definitely not a Christian!

I can't keep going on like this and I don't know what to do. I want to move out but I don't want to just be running away from my problems. Is this normal? and what should I do?

 

[I'ddie4him2]

Children and Parents will NEVER always get along.

During my formative and teen years, I was always in some sort of disagreement with my mom. Often yelling at each other. She always thought she knew best and I always thought I knew best.

I went into the service right after high school and became independent.
I had my own rules to live by.
Once I got married and had kids, I realized my mom and I were alot alike and thats why we disagreed so much. She had gone thru the same situation growing up.

Can you sit down and try to talk calmly with her ??
Does this often end up in disagreements ??
Maybe trying to talk with her and having your Pastor present to mediate ??

 

[vera5d]

I know when I was around your age and living with my mom we could not get along at all. I moved out into my own crappy apartment and it was the best thing I could do. It showed that I was responsible and we were able to have normal conversations and talk to each other again.

What I would do for now is try to make things at home as calm as possible - maybe apologize (even if it's not you who is the one to blame!) and tell her that you don't want to fight anymore and will try harder. Then i would start taking all the steps necessary to get your own place and a job (it's a big responsibility, but if you can handle it then go for it!) You don't have to move far away - and it's not running away from your problems to establish your own independence. It would only be running away from the problem if you moved out and never talked to her again or really thought about why the problems existed in the first place.

Another good option might be counseling - if you have health insurance it may even be covered for free or a low copay (just call the # on the back of your insurance card) - it might help you understand yourself better and get everything off your chest about your mom.

Good luck!