Problems with a trip

[rbs70]

Hi all
Happy Easter!!

I need some advice. Soon after I met my girlfriend she invited me to go on this trip to New York City with her family. I agreed to go and about a month later I found out that it wouldnt be her whole family just her, her step mom(same age as me),and me going. I didnt like that, because she is saspected of cheating. I told my girlfriend about my doubts about going and she told me that if her step mom doesnt get to go this time there wont be a next, and they cant go if I dont, her dad wont allow it. I told her I just dont know about going and started to think of a way I could get out of it. Nothing has come to mind exept that I didnt have the money to buy the ticket. I didnt tell her that just yet and a week later she came and asked me if I could lone her the money to buy her ticket. I told her that I couldnt even pay for mine. A week after that she told me that she would pay for mine and hers and I should still go. I told her I dont know, I dont feel right about takeing money from her(I really dont like it) but she insisted and bought the tickets.

Over the next month things between myself and her step mom got bad. I could see that she is useing my girlfriend in so many ways but my girlfriend is afraid to say anything about it.

I really dont like the woman and feel that God is telling me not to go. My family is telling me not to go. It seems like everyone is telling me not to go exept my girlfriend. I dont want any problems with her family but I can see some forming and I know if I dont go it will turn into an all out war. My girlfriend told my family that the only reason she was going was because of me and if I didnt go then she wouldnt. I found out today that if I dont go she is still going, and it will just be the two of them wondering the streets by themselves. I dont like that at all, what if something indeed does happen. I have a very sick feeling in my stomach about going, I feel it is God's warning, but if something did happen and I wasnt there to protect her I would go nuts. To me it seems that all her step mom is going for is to meet a man. I dont know for shore but I know that this trip will be a disaster if thats true. I have the money to give back for my ticket but fear the war it will cause.

I am very much in love with this girl but really dislike her family, we have only been going out for 3 months and I am really thinking about proposing to her which I already know the answer is yes(I think). We will wait atleast a year before the date. I am just afraid of her family, she said that they dont influence her but I can see that they have a very strong negative hold on her.

Any ideas?
Brian

 

[Anti Existance]

"bad organisation"

That is the first word that comes to me, things are badly organized, don't build a tower if you don't have the funds to complete it.

The next thing is, if you are with her , move away from her family as far as possible, as they are trouble.

Second if, she is going alone with her step, are you afraid of her getting hit by a car or something? What non-sense is that that you think she can't stand on her own feet? She controls her own body with her own free will, ya something might happen but likely? I don't see it that way. What you need to do is to 'SECURE' your decisions, make sure they have a foundation to stand on, if you don't have money to buy a ticket, do you have money for a wedding? You see it are those kinds of things that show that you have absolutely no Back up for whatever you are doing, if you secure your future, then at least you did your best into trying to avoid unneccesary risks, saying things like 'im going to buy a ticket' while knowing that you don't have the money, what kind of reasoning is that? Like in the bible people will redicule you for your decisions, because you couldn't complete what you started.

Therefore listen to your family, you know your family is there to protect you , they probably aren't giving you all these kind of warning signs, especially since you are 'blind'ly in love, you can't see that this is 'trouble' i hope you will take your family's and my advice in aspect to 'Think' then 'Secure' and only then perform actions. Before you rush into things. Ok?

 

[madison1101]

If you don't want to go, don't go. I assume your girlfriend is an adult. She is free to go with her stepmother. What are you afraid of? God's Bible says that perfect love casts out fear. If your girlfriend and you love the Lord, why do you fear for her? That fear is of the devil.

Let her go with her stepmother. If there is negative fall out due to your decision not to go, work through it and stand by your convictions. A man stands up to ridicule for do what he believes is right. Don't let people push you around and make decisions you believe are wrong just to keep people happy.

God bless.

 

[Mskedi]

She shouldn't be forcing you to go anywhere you don't want to, nor should you try to stop her from going somewhere she wants to.

Where are they going that you feel so concerned for her safety? You say they'll be "wandering the streets." Well... wandering the streets doing what? Shopping? Prostitution? You're not giving us a lot to go on here.

And if her step-mother is suspected of cheating, what concern of yours is that? That's a family matter, and you're not (yet) part of their family.

 

[rbs70]

Hi all
I do have the money for the ticket(always have) I was just useing that as an exccuse not to go. I do agree that her family is trouble anti. Yes money is a problem in my life but that isnt why I'm waiting to marry her. I am waiting because I dont think it is proper to marry in a month or 6 months.... you just dont know a person that well in such a short time. A year is a better choise. I am not liveing with her nor will I with out a wedding ring, because I was raised that it was a sin.

My fears are for her safety and yes maybe unfounded because I have never been to "The City" I am country boy, and you hear of the violence in the city.

As for what they are doing, they are just touring New York again same as last year.They have no real agenda.

And I told you about the cheating because, I am afraid that if she tries to come on to me(because of our age and not that I would accept) or anything happens, I could get blamed or her father think I was messing around with both of them.

Thank you for your advice. Its always welcome.
Brian

 

[Mskedi]

Whoa... if your girlfriend's mother would come onto you, their family has a lot more issues than infidelity. Do you really think your girlfriend would want you to come along if she thought that were a possibility?

And if they've been to NY before, I don't see any reason why they shouldn't be safe this time, too. Actually, this might be a cool opportunity for you if you've never been there. It's one of my favorite places.

But then, I'm a city girl. I'd bet the only danger your gf is in is possibly getting pickpoted if she's not careful. There's nothing to worry about.

 

[madison1101]

Hi all
I do have the money for the ticket(always have) I was just useing that as an exccuse not to go. I do agree that her family is trouble anti. Yes money is a problem in my life but that isnt why I'm waiting to marry her. I am waiting because I dont think it is proper to marry in a month or 6 months.... you just dont know a person that well in such a short time. A year is a better choise. I am not liveing with her nor will I with out a wedding ring, because I was raised that it was a sin.

My fears are for her safety and yes maybe unfounded because I have never been to "The City" I am country boy, and you hear of the violence in the city.

As for what they are doing, they are just touring New York again same as last year.They have no real agenda.

And I told you about the cheating because, I am afraid that if she tries to come on to me(because of our age and not that I would accept) or anything happens, I could get blamed or her father think I was messing around with both of them.

Thank you for your advice. Its always welcome.
Brian

My son lives in New York City. His girlfriend lived there, alone, for three months. I have been to New York many times. It has its dangers, but then so does riding in a car.

This is where you must develop faith in our Lord. Either your girlfriend is safe in His care, or she isn't.

I strongly suggest you be honest and tell your girlfriend you do not wish to go to New York with her at this time. Then, leave her to go with her stepmother. Tell her you hope she has a good time. Pray for her safety and trust the Lord that whatever happens in New York, He will give you and she the grace to glorify Him in all of it.

 

[Snoofles]

yeah, i agree with what's been posted. if you feel that strongly about not going, then don't go. you wouldn't have much fun, and your gf and stepmom would be able to sense that. don't worry about their safety either my friend and i went there a few years ago, and we were safe the whole trip. by the end of it, the night we were taking the bus back to my brother's in boston, we looked like complete tourists (with our bags and everything to take back with us) and yet, people asked us for directions! God will protect them