Problem with trust PLEASE HELP

[iron4life]

Hey guys

So me and my girlfriend are in a ldr and she lives about 2000 miles away which has always been the case as i met her on mission although we didn't get together till we'd been texting and talking on the phone for about 6 months after i got back

I really believe that god has brought us together and i feel there are to many things that have said this for it to be coincedence and i have always had a fairly good read on whether i'm doing something wrong in gods eyes, Even though were so far away she seems to know how i feel and sends the right txt even if i haven't said anything, we have the same dreams for the future and the mission has been going for years and even though i've been called to go for about 5 years the first year i went was the first she went and there are a lot of things like this and to many to put down.

But the problem is that i have always had a problem with self esteem and it results in a really paranoia that things will go wrong and none of this is her fault and she is one of the most trustworthy people i could hope to meet and makes me feel special everyday but whilst this feeling of paranoia is fairly easy to hide on the phone and by txt i'm going to see her again soon and we're going to look at the future and i don't want this to be a problem although to be honest i don't know what to do to change this way of thinkin and was wondering if anyone had any advice about it

 

[Bootstrap]

I hope you find some way to share all of this with her some how - not all at once, that would be overwhelming, but a little bit at a time, carefully, including your hopes and your convictions and your feelings and your fears.

When you share about your paranoia, tell her what you said above, that you know it's not logical, but it still gets in the way sometimes, and you don't know how to change it, but you can also see beyond those feelings to know that they are silly.

I know I have areas where my feelings get beyond me, and both my girlfriend and I know that. I don't like that about me, but we talk it out, and it hasn't hurt my relationship with her.

Do you think your paranoia affects your ability to trust her too? Has it gotten in the way of past relationships?

Jonathan

 

[iron4life]

Thanks for the advice bootstrap and in answer to your question

I guess in some ways its a matter of trust with her but that has come from trust being broken in past relationships and not from her and when i'm thinking completly logically then i know i can trust her, also its a matter of not trusting myself to follow gods ways enough to see it through

Over the years theres always been a reason why i can't be with someone who i like that now that i'm actually with someone i'm looking round the corner waiting for something to go wrong and expecting it and hoping it will come earlier rather than later so that i can get over it before i'm in love completely

 

[Willseeker]

Looking at what you have said... in general, but more importantly, about God... it would seem as though you believe that God wants the two of you together (looking at the signs and stuff). You also mentioned that you generally know how to discern right and wrong...

But do you BELIEVE? Not just in God... Do you believe that He loves you and has your best interest at heart?

Because if you believe that you should be with her, based on the belief that God wants you to be together, then there really shouldn't be anything to get paranoid about... Given that you TRUST God together with the BELIEF.

Now, your paranoia most probably comes from your past (since your current situation have not given you any valid reason to be paranoid) and you should identify it as that! The past. Give it to God by telling Him this is how you feel, subject it under the authority of Christ (who wants to bless you with everything that's good... love, peace and joy...) and ask Him for a new way of seeing things...

There are a lot of people in relationships that don't even know if it is what God wants... if you have that certainty, go with the blessing you have already received...

TRUST God dear friend!

 

[Bootstrap]

I guess in some ways its a matter of trust with her but that has come from trust being broken in past relationships and not from her and when i'm thinking completly logically then i know i can trust her, also its a matter of not trusting myself to follow gods ways enough to see it through

I think it's great that you can see that - it's a vital first step. Remind yourself of that when this comes up, and talk with her honestly about this, apologize when you respond out of past relationships and not out of your relationship with her.

Are you in fellowship with people whose judgement you trust? Finding 1-3 friends you can really trust and respect can be helpful here, talking things out with them when you're not sure, and asking them to pray for you.

Over the years theres always been a reason why i can't be with someone who i like that now that i'm actually with someone i'm looking round the corner waiting for something to go wrong and expecting it and hoping it will come earlier rather than later so that i can get over it before i'm in love completely

It's scary sometimes. Don't rush things, give it time - feelings are a lot slower than thoughts sometimes.

But when you find yourself looking around the corner, ask yourself why, it sounds like you really want the relationship you're in.

Blessings to you both!

Jonathan