Am I demonically oppressed or is it merely addiction I am facing?

  • Demonic oppression

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ChristIsSovereign

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For the last five years of my life, I've lived as if I was two persons merged into one body. The one part of me craves to understand God and His word, yet the other side wants to manipulate and seduce women (sometimes even men when deep into the dark side) and do it repeatedly multiple times a day. (Always was online, never felt the oppression nearly as much when I was in real life, thankfully.)

Thanks to the Holy Spirit, the frequency of these occurrences have dropped like 80 - 90 percent but still happen often enough that my assurance of salvation becomes faulty and I question my status as a Christian. I repeatedly stumble in the same places, notably self-control and sexual immorality.

I always wanted to believe in the Charismatic movement since I was young. I thoroughly believed that 'god' would unleash his power upon me sometime. The power of 'god' that is. I had absolutely no discernment at that time and believed in all the crazy movements of 'god' were in fact genuine movements of God.

I would attend youth group so I could 'soak in the Holy Spirit' and try to listen to 'god' speaking to me. I wouldn't hear anything or feel any experience, but I most definitely was exposed to people who did manifest such things.

Being situated near the Adirondacks, I would attend Beaver Camp yearly (sometimes twice a year, once for winter and once for summer) and have a lot of fun. They would sing a lot of Christian songs and teach about teamwork and stuff. I had my 'posse' of girls follow me for the first two years of attendance but after that, I was essentially a loner.

Yet some of the practices were a bit out of the norm. The worship was borderline-ecstatic at times, which looking back, bother me greatly. The repetition of words used in the worship created this half-operative state in my mind where I would grow incredibly 'passionate' for 'god' to the point of yelling and screaming the songs in a hysterical fashion. Oh fool I was.

There was one experience I had where I was down in the Deer Lodge and everyone was sitting on the ground with the palms of their hands turned up (most of them), and for some reason, I decided to lay back-first to the floor, praying that the Holy Spirit would 'touch me.' I actually felt a touch, which totally surprised me. How foolish I was. Some other kid told me that he saw a 'spirit leave me.' That befuddled me and I was scratching my head for awhile, metaphorically. The whole time, someone was sitting on the chair towards the kitchen and was reciting Bible verses that were just random ones out of the Bible.

The teachings at Beaver Camp were the epitome of loosey-goosey. One time they told us to take Bible verses and mash them up, I think... What kind of worship was that? Of course, the whole thing was so trivial to me that I would always focus on girls anyways. I was pretty dumb then, and I was dumb for awhile after that too.

I began to grow disillusioned with the Camp after 2013, when I was 16. I felt like the Bible wasn't being taught enough and whatnot. I felt like the whole thing was an excuse for teens to have too much fun and not enough edification through the Word.

The last time I attended camp was in 2015. It was even less Biblical than before. The entire lack of Christian piety was astounding. When I went to the Coffee House that Thursday night, I dressed up very conservatively as a cowboy, yet, not being as restrained as I was now, still danced like an utter fool. Facepalm.

I never had any further experiences of the kind, but the addiction to self-stimulation became the influence that set me on a massive rampage of sexting young teen girls and doing it fairly remorselessly at that. (Started about 3 months before my last Beaver Camp attendance) I thrived in the sheer immorality of my behavior and used God as a poster to attract more women into my life.

I eventually became a complete cessationist after watching many videos about the false teachings of the Charismatic movement. The 'Strange Fire' conferences with John MacArthur was the end of my hope for a 'move of God.' Those 'moves of God' were merely moves of 'god.' I didn't realize that I most likely have exposed myself to demonic oppression through my former involvement in the Charismatic lifestyle.

I believe that I have had (a) demon(s) latched onto the outside of my body for the last 5 years. I cannot pay attention to anything, I need constant stimulation from anything I can get it from, I self-stimulate so I can even relax, I see a particularly revealing ad and instantly self-stimulate... At the same time I hate it with such a passion that I want to be castrated. (Essentially asexual.)

My life is a total catastrophe right now. I fear for my salvation because my addiction to self-stimulation is out of control despite the sexting going way down as of recently. I need a lot of prayer... I need a lot of counseling and spiritual guidance in these matters... Lord help me.
 

Solomons Porch

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Prayers for you and the strength to overcome in JESUS name. Claim the blood of Jesus and quote out loud the written word of God. :prayer: :heart:
833c0e7b97f5dca1cd12fef3ca283ac3.jpg
 
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ChristIsSovereign

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Prayers for you and the strength to overcome in JESUS name. Claim the blood of Jesus and quote out loud the written word of God. :prayer: :heart:
833c0e7b97f5dca1cd12fef3ca283ac3.jpg

I am not one to 'plead the blood' but I'll pray that Christ gives me a way out of this torment.
 
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Winken

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You are in our prayers. Please examine your commitment to Jesus as Savior and Lord by carefully reading these scriptures:

Romans 10:8-13, John 5:24, Ephesians 2:8-9, Romans 8:1

Are they undoubtedly TRUE for you? Do you need to fall on your knees confessing each one, out loud?
 
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ChristIsSovereign

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You are in our prayers. Please examine your commitment to Jesus as Savior and Lord by carefully reading these scriptures:

Romans 10:8-13, John 5:24, Ephesians 2:8-9, Romans 8:1

Are they undoubtedly TRUE for you? Do you need to fall on your knees confessing each one, out loud?

Affirmative. Again, I am a newbie to the faith. (Recent convert from intellectual pseudo-Christianity to true faith.)
 
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Winken

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Affirmative. Again, I am a newbie to the faith. (Recent convert from intellectual pseudo-Christianity to true faith.)
How do you reconcile your lengthy OP with your OP titled Advice for Fruitless Debates?
 
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ChristIsSovereign

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How do you reconcile your lengthy OP with your OP titled Advice for Fruitless Debates?

It is my newfound faith in Jesus Christ. (I used to be a legalistic, hypersexual, intellectual, pseudo-Christian Calvinist who saw religion in an academic fashion.)
 
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2PhiloVoid

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How do you reconcile your lengthy OP with your OP titled Advice for Fruitless Debates?

...Winken, I think I'll just allow him to reconcile it by recognizing that even though he's shared with us a large portion of the negative spiritual aspects of his life so far, he is also sharing his new sensitivity regarding what the Lord is now showing him.

I'm just going to say a prayer for him. The Lord knows we all need that, too. And sometimes, here on CF, we do have fruitless debate ...

Peace,
2PhiloVoid
 
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2PhiloVoid

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For the last five years of my life, I've lived as if I was two persons merged into one body. The one part of me craves to understand God and His word, yet the other side wants to manipulate and seduce women (sometimes even men when deep into the dark side) and do it repeatedly multiple times a day. (Always was online, never felt the oppression nearly as much when I was in real life, thankfully.)

Thanks to the Holy Spirit, the frequency of these occurrences have dropped like 80 - 90 percent but still happen often enough that my assurance of salvation becomes faulty and I question my status as a Christian. I repeatedly stumble in the same places, notably self-control and sexual immorality.

I always wanted to believe in the Charismatic movement since I was young. I thoroughly believed that 'god' would unleash his power upon me sometime. The power of 'god' that is. I had absolutely no discernment at that time and believed in all the crazy movements of 'god' were in fact genuine movements of God.

I would attend youth group so I could 'soak in the Holy Spirit' and try to listen to 'god' speaking to me. I wouldn't hear anything or feel any experience, but I most definitely was exposed to people who did manifest such things.

Being situated near the Adirondacks, I would attend Beaver Camp yearly (sometimes twice a year, once for winter and once for summer) and have a lot of fun. They would sing a lot of Christian songs and teach about teamwork and stuff. I had my 'posse' of girls follow me for the first two years of attendance but after that, I was essentially a loner.

Yet some of the practices were a bit out of the norm. The worship was borderline-ecstatic at times, which looking back, bother me greatly. The repetition of words used in the worship created this half-operative state in my mind where I would grow incredibly 'passionate' for 'god' to the point of yelling and screaming the songs in a hysterical fashion. Oh fool I was.

There was one experience I had where I was down in the Deer Lodge and everyone was sitting on the ground with the palms of their hands turned up (most of them), and for some reason, I decided to lay back-first to the floor, praying that the Holy Spirit would 'touch me.' I actually felt a touch, which totally surprised me. How foolish I was. Some other kid told me that he saw a 'spirit leave me.' That befuddled me and I was scratching my head for awhile, metaphorically. The whole time, someone was sitting on the chair towards the kitchen and was reciting Bible verses that were just random ones out of the Bible.

The teachings at Beaver Camp were the epitome of loosey-goosey. One time they told us to take Bible verses and mash them up, I think... What kind of worship was that? Of course, the whole thing was so trivial to me that I would always focus on girls anyways. I was pretty dumb then, and I was dumb for awhile after that too.

I began to grow disillusioned with the Camp after 2013, when I was 16. I felt like the Bible wasn't being taught enough and whatnot. I felt like the whole thing was an excuse for teens to have too much fun and not enough edification through the Word.

The last time I attended camp was in 2015. It was even less Biblical than before. The entire lack of Christian piety was astounding. When I went to the Coffee House that Thursday night, I dressed up very conservatively as a cowboy, yet, not being as restrained as I was now, still danced like an utter fool. Facepalm.

I never had any further experiences of the kind, but the addiction to self-stimulation became the influence that set me on a massive rampage of sexting young teen girls and doing it fairly remorselessly at that. (Started about 3 months before my last Beaver Camp attendance) I thrived in the sheer immorality of my behavior and used God as a poster to attract more women into my life.

I eventually became a complete cessationist after watching many videos about the false teachings of the Charismatic movement. The 'Strange Fire' conferences with John MacArthur was the end of my hope for a 'move of God.' Those 'moves of God' were merely moves of 'god.' I didn't realize that I most likely have exposed myself to demonic oppression through my former involvement in the Charismatic lifestyle.

I believe that I have had (a) demon(s) latched onto the outside of my body for the last 5 years. I cannot pay attention to anything, I need constant stimulation from anything I can get it from, I self-stimulate so I can even relax, I see a particularly revealing ad and instantly self-stimulate... At the same time I hate it with such a passion that I want to be castrated. (Essentially asexual.)

My life is a total catastrophe right now. I fear for my salvation because my addiction to self-stimulation is out of control despite the sexting going way down as of recently. I need a lot of prayer... I need a lot of counseling and spiritual guidance in these matters... Lord help me.

Well, my friend. At least you're not in denial about this kind of thing, like many people I've come across, and you realize the significance of the current state you're in. That's a good beginning. And you know what I appreciate most about this? It's that you're doing your best to be honest about it. I know that's not easy.

So, now what?

Peace,
2PhiloVoid
 
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HenryM

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I'm suggesting that CF folks read both referenced OPs and following and not contribute further to this forum. The OP agrees.

What do you mean to "not contribute further to this forum"? (And other one, Fruitless Debates?)

I have read your suggestion to OP in Fruitless Debates thread, where you advise him to never again get involved with faith-works-tongues movement, yet you are at the same time giving him carnal advice to search Christian counseling, pronto, which is works plus putting faith in human (Christian counselor). If that's how salvation works, let's just appoint people to Christian counselors and everybody in the world will be saved.

Only Jesus Christ saves. If @ChristIsSovereign is one of Jesus' sheep, Jesus will save Him 100%. That's saved by faith. And ChristIsSovereign showed that he reads Gospel, and is already repenting for his sins. What you were suggesting was putting aside the faith and getting into works.

We are all sinners. ChristIsSovereign voiced his sins for all to see, while others hide theirs.
 
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ChristIsSovereign

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What do you mean to "not contribute further to this forum"? (And other one, Fruitless Debates?)

I have read your suggestion to OP in Fruitless Debates thread, where you advise him to never again get involved with faith-works-tongues movement, yet you are at the same time giving him carnal advice to search Christian counseling, pronto, which is works plus putting faith in human (Christian counselor). If that's how salvation works, let's just appoint people to Christian counselors and everybody in the world will be saved.

Only Jesus Christ saves. If @ChristIsSovereign is one of Jesus' sheep, Jesus will save Him 100%. That's saved by faith. And ChristIsSovereign showed that he reads Gospel, and is already repenting for his sins. What you were suggesting was putting aside the faith and getting into works.

We are all sinners. ChristIsSovereign voiced his sins for all to see, while others hide theirs.

I believe in God wholeheartedly, yet I want to believe even more... I've been craving this deep (yet not Charismatic) relationship with Christ where I feel comforted by Him. Yes, I agree that Christian counselors are often steeped in modern psychology. True Christian counseling would be going straight to the Bible and diagnosing the problem, which is sin in our depraved hearts.
 
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HenryM

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I believe in God wholeheartedly, yet I want to believe even more... I've been craving this deep (yet not Charismatic) relationship with Christ where I feel comforted by Him. Yes, I agree that Christian counselors are often steeped in modern psychology. True Christian counseling would be going straight to the Bible and diagnosing the problem, which is sin in our depraved hearts.

I think you understand the issue very well. Keep reading the Gospel, keep praying, pray to God to "lead you not into temptation, but deliver you from evil", command unclean spirits, in Jesus name, to leave you.

That doesn't mean that if door opens where you believe you'll get additional help, you shouldn't take it. God arranges help in various ways. But it's always about you putting faith in your saviour Jesus Christ.
 
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rockytopva

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Father I pray blessings on this request and for a victorious life that will bring you glory in Jesus name I pray. Also taking these needs before God in prayer on the bbnradio.org Family Altar program... BBN Program Schedule

 
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Winken

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What do you mean to "not contribute further to this forum"? (And other one, Fruitless Debates?)

I have read your suggestion to OP in Fruitless Debates thread, where you advise him to never again get involved with faith-works-tongues movement, yet you are at the same time giving him carnal advice to search Christian counseling, pronto, which is works plus putting faith in human (Christian counselor). If that's how salvation works, let's just appoint people to Christian counselors and everybody in the world will be saved.

Only Jesus Christ saves. If @ChristIsSovereign is one of Jesus' sheep, Jesus will save Him 100%. That's saved by faith. And ChristIsSovereign showed that he reads Gospel, and is already repenting for his sins. What you were suggesting was putting aside the faith and getting into works.

We are all sinners. ChristIsSovereign voiced his sins for all to see, while others hide theirs.
If a post can be misinterpreted, it will be. I read all of his posts, contextually, noted his confusion and immersion in sin (in spite of his excellent insights into our Faith); encouraged him to seek help right away (he was putting it off), not in a meeting of a church like the one where he had experienced difficulties, but through a born-again Christian counselor, one who will address the two paragraphs I mentioned. The latter consultation is a quiet, time alone with an accredited Christian counselor.

Note that the OP agreed with not putting it off.
 
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