Prison in my mind

[thelost]

I wake in the morning and look in the mirror only to see a man looking back at me that I no longer recognize. I have lived for 43 years and have never really given much thought to eternity or my own morality, until now.

I watch the news on the television and on the internet. I see the world events unfold right before my very eyes, the same world events Jesus warned us about in the bible, and I am stricken with fear and disgust within my heart. For I know that if Christ were to return this day, I would be left behind.

The bible says that God loves me and that I am the righteousness of God in Christ, I believe every word that is in the bible, except, it never pertains to me. My mind tells me daily that I was a mistake, I was never supposed to be saved. Every word that God spoke in his word was for everyone else, not me.

I wake up in the morning and I tell myself, “I’m not going to drink tonight, I’m going to read my bible and pray”. By the time I get home from work, all I can think about is having a beer. I want to be a Christian. I want it more than anything. I don’t want to be left behind.

The question that burns in my heart, why does God love everyone but me? Am I really that bad. Am I so awful of a person inside that Jesus doesn’t want me? Why can’t I just make a decision to live my live for God?
Why can’t I just believe that Jesus does love me? Why do I see myself being left behind?

I have seen God work in my life and in my families lives, I know the Lord is looking over me and my family. No matter how I feel, I always thank the Lord for his many blessings and provision.

Glory be to God forever and ever Amen!

The lost Christian

 

[BobW188]

It pertains to you. Sounds to me like you're already a Christian. Now's the time to become a sober one, like I and many others had to. You might start by joining us up in the Alcohol Abuse subsection of these "Recovery" threads. I think you'll be surprised how many of us have been where you are. Some of us are still struggling.

You can do it; and God will help. (In fact, as the months and years go by you'll see he does most of it.) But you have to take the first step. You find only if you seek.
It will be given, but you must ask. Jesus said, "I stand at the door and knock." It's up to us to get off our butts and let Him in.

God gives us the tools ... detox, treatment, AA, counselling, the thread I'm inviting you to join and more. You have no idea how many helpers you have; but you must reach out!

 

[BlessEwe]

I agree with what Bob says 100%. The addiction lies to us, keeps us down. Sounds like the enemy doesn't it when we are questioning our relationship with God. The addiction also messes with our feelings and emotions.

For many years I felt the same as you do right now, on the outside looking in and could not figure out why God didn't reach out for me.
The thing was now looking back it was me holding Christ back at arms length, trusting Him only so far.

Steping out in faith means taking the 1st step,knowing God will be there to catch you.

I promise you that is exactly what happened to me after going on for so long. As soon as I reached out God was right there opening the doors to recovery.

Go to a meeting, stand up and ask for help... ( this is not easy, but we have all been there, or have to when things get hard in our recovery walk). If you find that it is not the right meeting, go to another meeting. Although I do feel God will bring you to the right one.

If you have been drinking/using alot call the hotlines to be assessed, you may need a medical detox and supervision.

I do trust the Lord will lead you, if you are willing. There is nothing that can separate you from Christ, nothing

Find the help that is out there, reach for prayer and start the journey of finding your recovery walk, You will see that God Is right there with you.

Please let us know how you are doing.

 

[madison1101]

Boy, I could have written your post years ago. Alcohol is a liar, and will tell you that you are a loser and that God does not love you. That is lies and you must be set free from them.

It sounds like you are already a Christian, and that you will not be left behind, BUT, you will not experience any of the Spiritual freedom you have been given if you do not stop drinking. That is possible, with God's help, and the help of others who have taken the same journey you have, but stopped with the help of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Run, don't walk, to an AA meeting. You can find one by going to the AA website at www.aa.org

Also, visit the Alcohol Abuse forum in the Recovery section. We are very supportive and will answer any and all questions for you about alcoholism and recovery.

Romans says that we are to be transformed by the renewing of our minds. AA has done that for me, and can do it for you.

God bless.

Trish

 

[thelost]

I want to thank all of you for your support. It helps to know that there are others out there like me, that have been where I am right now.

I quit once before, for 8 years. I'll do it again. I need to put closure on some things in my life that haunt me, but I'll do it.

"I can do all things through Christ which strengthen me"

Thanks to the support I've gotten in this forum.

thelost

 

[BobW188]

Remember, we're here. So are others; and we'll all tell you: the worst thing you can do is to try it on your own. Every now and then, God grants a miracle; but most of the time he requires that we reach out. You've heard from three people, all of whom recommended AA. So would millions of others. There's also a specifically Christian program similar to AA called Celebrate Recovery that might be available at churches in your community.
Start now. More than you realize, things are haunting you because you're drinking. Closure will come with sobriety, not before.
There is nothing you're going to say in AA that hasn't been heard before. Bankruptcy, divorce, abuse, even homicide. Not all of these at every meeting, of course; but we've heard them. And more.
God bless, and keep coming back. Tell us how it's going and don't be afraid to report failiure. We've done that, too; and not just once.

 

[faithful follower]

You've received great advice here. All I can do is agree and encourage you to keep coming here for support and reach out in your community to the others on the road to recovery. There is no shame in attending AA or Celebrate Recovery. There is humility. And there is a lot of wisdom in those rooms. You may be surprised at how much you have in common with others who are alcoholics. We are an awful lot alike, us drunks.

The things that are haunting you will continue until you clear your mind and open your heart to real healing. Alcohol will only block it. I don't know why you went back to drinking after 8 years of sobriety, but I know that the drinking didn't help.

I am praying for you.