Priest refuses confession?

[stray bullet]

Personally, I think a priest should never refuse to hear someone's confession. However, if a sin (let's say like sexual impurity with oneself)has become habitual- it might not be a mortal sin- as there is (possibly)no longer full freedom of choice, but rather one is acting out of compulsion. A regular confessor would be able to help sort it all out- and help discren whether or not something is venial or mortal. However I would argue that particularly when a sin is habitual, a person really needs the grace that comes ONLY from sacramental confession to decrease our attatchment for this particular sin and give us the abitlity to fight against temptation. Regular confession is the BEST way to fight against damagin vices.

I was actually discussing this particular sin with a (admitting) cafeteria Catholic the other day on another forum. I ended up looking over the Catechism to discuss its severity-

2352 By masturbation is to be understood the deliberate stimulation of the genital organs in order to derive sexual pleasure. "Both the Magisterium of the Church, in the course of a constant tradition, and the moral sense of the faithful have been in no doubt and have firmly maintained that masturbation is an intrinsically and gravely disordered action."[137] "The deliberate use of the sexual faculty, for whatever reason, outside of marriage is essentially contrary to its purpose." For here sexual pleasure is sought outside of "the sexual relationship which is demanded by the moral order and in which the total meaning of mutual self-giving and human procreation in the context of true love is achieved."[138]
To form an equitable judgment about the subjects' moral responsibility and to guide pastoral action, one must take into account the affective immaturity, force of acquired habit, conditions of anxiety, or other psychological or social factors that lessen or even extenuate moral culpability.

It seems from this that the level of a sin can heavily depend on the circumstances. Using this sin as an example, does it make it sinful if one is doing it out of habit, rather than pleasure, as this sin is defined?

I suppose it is important to just remember that Catholicism is not legalistic, but intention is very important in everything. If you talked with a priest honestly and openly about whatever sin you are committing and he tells you it is only venial, then either way, it is, because you do not have full knowledge of it being mortal.

 

[geocajun]

We don't know the whole story... it is a common practice for Priests to tell those who suffer from scrupulocity to only confess mortal sins.

Listen to your Priest - he is your spiritual father.

 

[Carrye]

Listen to your Priest - he is your spiritual father.

And that is why the Lord has blessed you with him - so that you wouldn't have to question everything. You rely on him to give you good advice and counsel, and he cares for your soul. Listen to your Father. Know that what he tells you is what he believes is best for you. And know that the Lord, in His infinite wisdom, has given you this particular spiritual director for a reason. Be obedient. Be not afraid.

 

[Cosmic Charlie]

I am going to be sick...I am FREAKING out right now , I cannot stand thinking I am in a state of mortal sin (whether I am or not, I am not 100% certain anymore). You'd think the anguish and anxiety I go through (which is going to give me an ulcer) would be a good reason not to put myself into the situation in the first place. You'd think so....


I just love God so much, why can't I just be good for His sake...or at least improve.

Have you considered a psychiatric evaluation ? This is start look a little OCD-ish.

 

[lovemysoldier]

I think that being addicted to God is a great thing and I hope that your fire doesn't go out. God never grows weary of hearing confession. Satan loses whenever you fall into sin and then fall into the arms of your loving Father! He will never cancel an appointment on you. If your priest is unwilling to hear your confession, don't live in turmoil until the next appointment. If you give Satan an inch he will take your soul. Run to your Father in Heaven and confess your sins to Him. As infants we aren't able to walk from birth. We constantly fall and get bruised and at times it seems as if we will never get it right. Don't give up before you learn to walk. You have a loving father rooting you on and helping you every step of the way.

 

[Irenaeus]

I don't think it's an addiction...but then again, his Confessor probably knows best.

I mean, are you going every day?

 

[lovemysoldier]

I confess every day because I sin every day. We all fall short of God's glory and need to live in a state of humbleness and reverence. I don't think that being "addicted" to confession or God is a bad thing. I wish that more people shared this 'obsession' and sought to live and breathe God's grace and love.

 

[marciadietrich]

I took some of the advice and phoned my confessor to get some clarification. His reason for putting off my confession was so that I do not become "addicted" to confession. He felt I was coming to confession too often. However, he was not making any judgements as to the state of sin I was in. He suggested I could wait til next week to call and make an appointment for confession.
I am going to be sick...I am FREAKING out right now , I cannot stand thinking I am in a state of mortal sin (whether I am or not, I am not 100% certain anymore). You'd think the anguish and anxiety I go through (which is going to give me an ulcer) would be a good reason not to put myself into the situation in the first place. You'd think so....




I just love God so much, why can't I just be good for His sake...or at least improve.

I didn't have my priest get to that point, I stopped going to confession so often on my own accord because I knew I was just cycling between the sin/confession/sin/confession and though technically mortal if we say grave = mortal ... my priest doesn't seem to regard it that way. There was a while that given it being practical I could have been in confession daily or even several times a day when I was under high stress. I have cut back to going to confession every two weeks at most, usually 3 to 4 weeks. I go up for communion most all the time now inbetween as denying myself communion didn't seem to help me any more than frequent confession (I think there is a tendency to try to be stoic in denying self access to communion and overly critical of yourself in wanting to go to confession so often in this cycle). I do better going to daily Mass if possible ...even though sometimes technically it would be called being in mortal sin if you automatically equate grave matter with mortal sin.

I think the fact you are feeling freaked out by this is an indication the priest has made a correct judgement. Relax, you intend to confess and you are repentant.

Marcia

 

[marciadietrich]

I confess every day because I sin every day. We all fall short of God's glory and need to live in a state of humbleness and reverence. I don't think that being "addicted" to confession or God is a bad thing. I wish that more people shared this 'obsession' and sought to live and breathe God's grace and love.

Since you are not Catholic I think you are misunderstanding something. Catholics confess daily (or should make an act of contrition daily for their sins and reflect on that) but sacramental confession on a daily basis is impractical, and even on a weekly basis for some people can become a point of obsession. The best thing for someone being obsessed with going to the sacrament is to back off, not go more often. Daily reflection and prayer, confessing sins and being repentant always and everyday and as needed.

Marcia

 

[Canadian75]

Perhaps "addicted" was the wrong word. Though off of the top of my head, I cannot think of a better one. I tend to get too legalistic and it becomes a barrier in my life. I tend to become so concerned about every little thing I do that it impedes in my everyday life (ie. this issue has been on my mind constantly all day and I've not accomplished much work today). The priest, I think, is trying to prevent me from using confession as a crutch for every sin I do.

Have you considered a psychiatric evaluation ? This is start look a little OCD-ish.

Nice observation, but I've been there, done that. I have been diagnosed with severe depression and panic disorder by a psychiatrist and a therapist suggests I have a touch of OCD. So yeah, I've got issues.

I mean, are you going every day?

I probably would if I could. I'm lucky if I can get in once a week. I've gone a few months without confession. Then during times of high anxiety or stress, I'd sin more and then I'd be going weekly (at least). My parish only has scheduled confession twice a month, and never at a time I can go. So, I have to make an appointment with the priest, and that can be a problem. There are other parishes with regular weekly confession (like the cathedral), and sometimes I have to go there.
I repent hourly, but when I commit a sin that is a grave matter, I automatically assume I'm in a state of mortal sin. Since, many times I cannot be 100% certain I am in a state of mortal sin, then I err on the side of caution and assume that I am. No priest I have confessed to, that has any idea about my mental health issues, would go so far as to say my grave sin is not in fact mortal (they too seem to like to err on the side of caution).
It was this difficulty with managing sin and confession that caused me to drive myself out of the catholic church for a while because I couldn't handle the stress any longer. I became highly stressed and violently ill while waiting to go to confession (like what is happening again). I begin to fear God instead of loving Him.
It is a terrible cycle, stress triggers (not causes) sin, concern about going to confession increases stress, more sin follows, etc.

Sorry, I seem to have gone on a bit much, just a little stressed out I guess. I'll stop writing now. God bless you all.

 

[ShannonMcCatholic]

Like a broken record no one ever hears----I highly recommend buying and reading the book I Believe in Love by Fr. Jean CJ d'Elbee.....

 

[Carrye]

What?

 

[Canadian75]

Should I begin looking for another confessor? I started wondering about that since early this afternoon. I told my priest my sin over the phone and he agreed that I cannot take the eucharist till I go to confession, yet he said to give him a call sometime next week to arrange some meeting for confession. He is a good person to confess to and he gives wonderful advice, but I think he's taking my situation a bit too lightly. I mean, if I am in a state of mortal sin wouldn't it have been a good idea to arrange confession as soon as possible?
I'm going to try and find a priest to confess to tomorrow if there is one available in my city. If not, I'm sure I can find somewhere on Saturday (quite a few places have regular confession times on Saturdays). I just don't know how to not obsess over this until then. God help me!

 

[Dream]

I mean, if I am in a state of mortal sin wouldn't it have been a good idea to arrange confession as soon as possible?

Defintely. Find a good Priest to confess your sins to.

 

[marciadietrich]

It was this difficulty with managing sin and confession that caused me to drive myself out of the catholic church for a while because I couldn't handle the stress any longer. I became highly stressed and violently ill while waiting to go to confession (like what is happening again). I begin to fear God instead of loving Him.
It is a terrible cycle, stress triggers (not causes) sin, concern about going to confession increases stress, more sin follows, etc.

Hi again Canadian,

I understand the distressed feeling, the stress in turn triggers more of the sin that you're stressed about confessing. Perhaps not exactly the same as your case but I was having similiar problems in that obsession about confessing and thinking about confessing for hours and hours a day until I could get there again. For all that thinking I didn't do any better getting what I wanted to say out, would forget things still, and if you have to make up for it later I am so far behind I'm forever doomed. Really. But stress is something that can lessen culpability, and possibly eliminate it ... and more stress adding up to more sinning is a sign there is some lack of control or consent on your part.

For me there were a couple of things that happened that made me decide I was going in the wrong direction in confessing often and skipping communion. In reading on another board there was another case of someone being told by their priest not to confess so often because they were too scrupulous was something I hadn't heard about before. Then at a Mass at the nursing home I had intended for the priest to skip me at communion (since people are in wheel chairs,etc. he comes to us) and I went ahead because it surprised me and I felt like I would be saying I didn't believe it was the Body of Christ if I rejected at that point, and I didn't die for receiving - did discuss it in confession. Then someone here asking on if you have to go up and receive even if not in mortal sin and geocajun said something like 'why on earth would you skip that grace if you weren't in mortal sin?' ... All of it seemed to me that maybe I was getting things backwards. That I needed more frequent communion and to confess less often but still regular basis. I am not "cured" but I am doing better. I say an act of contrition (or just cry) at time of sin, forget it until I am going to confession ... or forget as much as possible. Not perfect on that yet.

That might not be the popular view, I'm not sure it would qualify as orthodox, but I figure that as far as grace goes the Eucharist would be the greatest source, it is something you shouldn't skip unnecessarily, and if you are objectively doing better receiving more often that is a sign you are receiving grace and not in mortal sin. Talk to your priest, he might advise you differently ... but that is what I am doing. Don't let the stress and obsession drive you from the Church, Christ isn't looking to gun you down on technicalities.

My prayers are with you.

 

[plainswolf]

Hi Canadian ,

I can also be scrupulous on occasions. I want to recomend something that has really helped me out alot! There are divine promises attached to saying three Hail Mary's a day and is a practiced approved of and enthusiastically endorsed by many popes! Say them devoutly and the Blessed Mother will not forget you.

And if you'd like more, then say the Rosary everyday. I CANNOT stress this enough! And for that I want you to know what the Blessed Mother Herself has promised to those who practice this devotion:

THE 15 PROMISES OF OUR LADY TO CHRISTIANS WHO RECITE THE ROSARY

1. Whoever shall faithfully serve me by the recitation of the Rosary, shall receive signal graces.
2. I promise My special protection and the greatest graces to all who shall recite the Rosary.
3. The Rosary shall be a powerful armor against hell, it will destroy vice, decrease sin, and defeat heresies.
4. It will cause virtue and good works to flourish; it will obtain for souls the abundant mercy of God; it will withdraw the hearts of men from the love of the world and its vanities, and will lift them to the desire of eternal things. Oh, that souls would sanctify themselves by this means.
5. The soul which recommends itself to Me by the recitation of the Rosary, shall not perish.
6. Whoever shall recite the Rosary devoutly, applying himself to the consideration of its sacred mysteries shall never be conquered by misfortune. God will not chastise him in His justice, he shall not perish by an unprovided death; if he be just he shall remain in the grace of God, and become worthy of eternal life.
7. Whoever shall have a true devotion for the Rosary shall not die without the Sacraments of the Church.
8. Those who are faithful in reciting the Rosary shall have during their life and at their death the light of God and the plenitude of His graces; at the moment of death they shall participate in the merits of the saints in paradise.
9. I shall deliver from purgatory, those who have been devoted to the Rosary.
10. The faithful children of the Rosary shall merit a high degree of glory in Heaven.
11. You shall obtain all you ask of Me by the recitation of the Rosary.
12. All those who propagate the holy Rosary shall be aided by Me in their necessities.
13. I have obtained from My Divine Son, that all the advocates of the Rosary shall have for intercessors, the entire celestial court during their life and at the hour of death.
14. All who recite the Rosary are My sons, and brothers of My only son Jesus Christ.
15. Devotion to My Rosary is a great sign of pre-destination.


The answer to your problems and every other problem we have in life first is prayer. I simply cannot say that with enough force. Sometimes praying itself can be difficult, or it can be too hard to concentrate correctly...etc.. thats normal, but that you pray anyways, despite all obstacles. Many evenings I actually don't want to say the Rosary, but I muster all the honesty and right intention that I can, and I pray it anyways..

Whenever you feel coldness or aridity to prayer yet still have the intention of saying them with great love and devotion, this is when prayer has the most merit!!!

This devotion has made all the difference in my life! I hope it may help you out as well, because I sure feel for you and can relate.

J.M.J.
plainswolf

 

[plainswolf]

I would agree... NEVER refrain from going to Communion if you're in a state of grace! Oh what wondrous grace and how intimately does He communicate His Heart to yours when you receive Him and with what care does He soothe the poor wounds of your body, mind, and soul while in such intimate communion with you.. This is the most powerful means of overcoming sin and vice.

You can accept and do many penances, but oh don't neglect this most powerful and loving means for Him to help you.

J.M.J.
plainswolf

 

[Canadian75]

Well, it's official, I've given myself a migraine stressing over this issue. I've also reflected that my last few threads all dealt with confession, mortal sin, etc. If I had previous concerns or doubts about any church teachings, they are relatively insignificant compared to my issue in dealing with confession and sin. I did not grow up Catholic even though I was baptized in a Catholic church. I've only been practicing Catholicism for less than 2 years and I was only confirmed less than 6 months ago. I always confessed directly to God and trusted in his mercy. Yet now, I fear burning in hell unless I go see a priest over a few sins that are objectively grave, yet are long standing habits and are connected in some way to my mental illness (I could try and use my illness as an excuse to reduce my responsibility, but the very nature of my illnesses prevent me from doing anything that might ease my conscience). I have never felt farther from God as I have during some of my time in the Catholic church. At other times I feel at home. I have some serious reflection to do, but I do not know if I can handle this much longer. I'm on the verge of complete despair. Oh well, I think I'll refrain from posting any more threads for a while...

God bless you all. Thanks to everyones kind words. Peace. I shall burden you no further.

 

[Veritas]

I took some of the advice and phoned my confessor to get some clarification. His reason for putting off my confession was so that I do not become "addicted" to confession. He felt I was coming to confession too often. However, he was not making any judgements as to the state of sin I was in. He suggested I could wait til next week to call and make an appointment for confession.
I am going to be sick...I am FREAKING out right now , I cannot stand thinking I am in a state of mortal sin (whether I am or not, I am not 100% certain anymore). You'd think the anguish and anxiety I go through (which is going to give me an ulcer) would be a good reason not to put myself into the situation in the first place. You'd think so....




I just love God so much, why can't I just be good for His sake...or at least improve.

Forgive me, but I do think you suffer from scrupulosity. Going to confession everyday does not make you a better Christian (or Catholic for that matter) It would seem from your own words that you are trying to "earn your way" to heaven. Our Lord is patient and my belief is that when you finally see Him in person that he'll put His big, beautiful arms around you and say, "why did you torture yourself with so much anguish....I love you!"

 

[WhoeverLovesGod01]

Don't take this personally, but maybe the priest is getting impatient. Are you sure you need to confess? What's driving you to this act; a genuine concern for the consciousness of sin and a need for mercy, or a frivolous and compulsive addiction?