Pretending to be happy

[InnocenceCannon]

I'm probably going to adapt this strategy of living soon. I wanted to hear other Christian's viewpoint on this though.

I've always been against it. Most people say faking it until you make it works; pretending to be happy actually can make you feel happy. I say, faking it is faking it; whether it works or not is irrelevant. At the end of the day, you put a mask on.

I've tried both sides. Pretending to be happy hasn't worked very well. Pretending I'm happy was to me like pretending an apple is an orange. No matter what you think, it's still an orange.

I also tried the other side recently. But that didn't go over too well either. Nobody likes a downer, and I've watched many good friendships fade as reality is never good for social purposes.

 

[heron]

There are good reasons for keeping a level presence, and reasons for not being fake.

Read more of the Old Testament, proportionally, and you will find the patriarchs allowed themselves to be moody.

If you are being happy to prevent risk, appearing to the public that Christianity is not pleasant, then you deprive them of some of the heart of Christianity -- the compassion. If being happy leads to feeling better, then you can consider that medically true, to a point. But spiritually not always healthy.

 

[TravisD]

I dunno... Pretending to be happy is the same as hiding misery. You can hide it from others all you want but that doesn't make it go away. If you need to talk about it or vent you have our ears... or eyes I guess

 

[Quasicentennial]

Releasing stress is like releasing stagnant air from inside the house with closed windows, and bringing in fresh air to keep your lungs working with oxygen. God is like fresh air renewing our minds and hearts with peace, joy and an eternal spirit of healing that brings courage, kicking out fear out the door. Attacking thoughts about anger after watching the movie Star Trek 2009, keep reminding me that happiness is a bottled mixture of high and low emotions. Spock and Kirk who have lost their parents show how happiness can be the same as problem-solved solutions and humourous fun eg Kirk eating an apple while defeating a difficult simulation test, and Spock piloting a small ship made from the future.

 

[Macx]

Something I wrote:

It has been a wild ride. I have walked hill country in Africa, stood naked on a mountain top in Japan, eaten unspeakable things, done the amazing, recovered from gruesome wounds, lost, gained, loved, lived. I could die now and be content that I have seen and done enough of life, but I don't plan to. More feats, more food, more continents, more books, more skills and more skill at the ones I have. Still got a lot of living yet to do, but I sometimes marvel at all I have seen and done, been and learned.

There is a point of contentment in life that can be had, wherein death holds no power of fear & the threat of death doesn't bring the mind to a clamour of things you wish you had done. Get enough out of life and everything after is gravy.

I'd encourage you, InnocenceCannon, to seek that point. Don't try a happy or sad

Ask yourself what you need to feel complete, to feel you have gotten your fill outta life. Masks are heavy, be yourself, be free, and shift your focus. Take your focus off Happy Vs. Sad and move to "what is left on the list of things I want to do/be/see/ before I die" and get moving checking things off that list. You have only got so much time for living in this world, get it while it is hot!

 

[mont974x4]

We have what seems to be an unwritten rule in the church that we are not allowed to be real. This is far from the biblical way we are to act. Paul said he learned to be content in whatever situation he was in (Phil 4). We are told to weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice (Rom 12:15).

We need to really share life. The Church is a community of believers and we have made it an institution and a thing we do, instead of something that we are.

We need to be able to say, "I am really having a hard time with ....but I am trusting God and I know He is in control." This invites people to pray with us and for us and to walk with us through the struggle. This builds our relationship with God and with the people around us.

This is foundational in our ministry.

 

[heron]

Recently someone pointed out that Christianity sprung out of a seed of martyrdom. Jesus gave up everything. The apostles gave up their lives in persecution. (Not self-instigated, but attacked for their faith.)

Jesus didn't have a mantra of "put on a happy face."

We are in the world, but not of it. Our peace comes from God, but also not being bogged down by the cares of the world -- we have stability when circumstances throw us upward and downward.

That is our joy -- knowing that God stands beside us through all of this crud. Showing our peace about situations can be more a presence of calm, than smiles.

 

[InnocenceCannon]

Pretty much I'm saying, my "real self" is not a very fun person to be around, at all. I'm not being angsty here; straight up, I have literally lost almost all my friends because I decided to share my feelings instead of hide them. Most can't handle that my life is just one big mess up. Every story I can tell, or every feeling I want to share are negative ones that shoudln't be shared.

Bottom line: Whenever I be real with people, I just end up hurting them instead. Thus, I rather put on the mask.

But I have read your replies. I'll try to stay between "happy" or "sad".

 

[Johnnz]

There aren't too many people you can safely be honest with. That's a sad but simple reality. It's a matter of recognising who you are with and acting appropriately.

But maybe there is some things you need to discover how Jesus can relate to those areas in your life, and use them to grow as a person. Then, you will find others will seek you out because you have something to offer.

John
NZ

 

[janny108]

I'm probably going to adapt this strategy of living soon. I wanted to hear other Christian's viewpoint on this though.

I've always been against it. Most people say faking it until you make it works; pretending to be happy actually can make you feel happy. I say, faking it is faking it; whether it works or not is irrelevant. At the end of the day, you put a mask on.

I've tried both sides. Pretending to be happy hasn't worked very well. Pretending I'm happy was to me like pretending an apple is an orange. No matter what you think, it's still an orange.

I also tried the other side recently. But that didn't go over too well either. Nobody likes a downer, and I've watched many good friendships fade as reality is never good for social purposes.

I'm in my 50's and I can relate to this. I can't pretend to be happy I think that is kind of not being true to yourself but at the same time I know a lot of things in faith you just have to find a way to act like you have it already. I'm somewhere between the two.

 

[heron]

I'm not sure if you're being real, or being overly open. I would suggest not talking about your problems unless that's what you want people to remember you by. Except for the occasional bonding of "wow, wicked traffic."

People are basically caught up in balancing their own thoughts, their own days, and don't always take the time to hear about others' woes. That is not necessarily a problem on your end.

Sadly, I have found that when I need my friends the most, that's when I'm the least appealing to them. That's a good reminder to lean on God instead of people... then friendly compassion can be the icing on the cake.

 

[janny108]

I'm not sure if you're being real, or being overly open. I would suggest not talking about your problems unless that's what you want people to remember you by. Except for the occasional bonding of "wow, wicked traffic."

People are basically caught up in balancing their own thoughts, their own days, and don't always take the time to hear about others' woes. That is not necessarily a problem on your end.

Sadly, I have found that when I need my friends the most, that's when I'm the least appealing to them. That's a good reminder to lean on God instead of people... then friendly compassion can be the icing on the cake.

Amen to that!! That's how I view things ppl should be the icing on the cake. when I was in the ER Wed I knew God was in there too. He's the only one ultimately I can rely on. I mean we can serve ppl, but to have friends in church is almost a misnomer.

 

[janny108]

We have what seems to be an unwritten rule in the church that we are not allowed to be real. This is far from the biblical way we are to act. Paul said he learned to be content in whatever situation he was in (Phil 4). We are told to weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice (Rom 12:15).

We need to really share life. The Church is a community of believers and we have made it an institution and a thing we do, instead of something that we are.

We need to be able to say, "I am really having a hard time with ....but I am trusting God and I know He is in control." This invites people to pray with us and for us and to walk with us through the struggle. This builds our relationship with God and with the people around us.

This is foundational in our ministry.

Do you really feel you can be that way?

 

[heron]

but to have friends in church is almost a misnomer.

That shouldn't be as funny as it is.

Do you really feel you can be that way?

Even thought that sounded idealistic, I find that common where I go to church. I am not often the one sharing my problems, but I regularly see people pray over each others' concerns.

Why I don't always offer information in public situations -- everyone has different advice, and perception of your situation. Sometimes a quick "pray for me" turns into "are you sure God wants you to do this?" as though it is their job to determine others' outcomes. Or an offhand comment at work turns into a categorization that you're always complaining.

A confidential conversation will quickly spread, and you learn unbelievable things about yourself through the grapevine. All with good intentions... on the average.

Basically, we need to protect our lives from unnecessary gossip and scrutiny. Not create our own rejections. Not allow pigeon-holing without a fair assessment.

Wisdom, discernment, restraint.

But I think I'm getting off track -- it sounds like you're talking about choosing to be happy. I think there's some merit in that. Choosing to praise God, making an effort to be grateful... these do help with mood.

 

[janny108]

Yes you can choose to be happy praising thanking God is very important.
I feel like there is sort of invisible wall and I like eveybody. Just don't feel like I'm getting very close to anyone but then again we've only been there 6 months com-are to years from most ppl.

 

[heron]

Just don't feel like I'm getting very close to anyone but then again we've only been there 6 months com-are to years from most ppl.

Oh, that's too bad it is taking that long. People just don't think sometimes... they forget how hard it is to be the new ones.

 

[Chris_G]

During my spiritual attacks, I too would sometimes pretend to be happy. But inside, I was either depressed, scared, confused or bored. The enemy wants us to think that the Christian life is suppose to be dull, boring and serious, with no joy or fun (clean fun). One day, I got on my knees and I told the Lord that it had been a while since I laughed, I mean really laughed. I think I even asked him if he wanted me to be bored and serious all the time. Be straight up honest with the Lord, he knows what you're thinking and going through, but he wants you to confess it with your mouth. The next day, after I prayed, I found myself more at peace, smiling more and even laughing at work (my work involves being around little kids). I wasn't pretending to be happy, I was happy. I'm still facing attacks once in a while and they do try to drag me down, but all the things we go through are for our own benefit and for God's purpose. The book of Phillippians tells us to worry about nothing, pray about everything. God bless you and your walk with the Lord.

 

[mont974x4]

Do you really feel you can be that way?

yes, with wisdom and tact.

 

[freeport]

I'm probably going to adapt this strategy of living soon. I wanted to hear other Christian's viewpoint on this though.

I've always been against it. Most people say faking it until you make it works; pretending to be happy actually can make you feel happy. I say, faking it is faking it; whether it works or not is irrelevant. At the end of the day, you put a mask on.

I've tried both sides. Pretending to be happy hasn't worked very well. Pretending I'm happy was to me like pretending an apple is an orange. No matter what you think, it's still an orange.

I also tried the other side recently. But that didn't go over too well either. Nobody likes a downer, and I've watched many good friendships fade as reality is never good for social purposes.

You can fake confidence, and get confidence, in a sense, that is what bravery is like... with bravery we often have to jump into fearful situations and just find that bravery, that resistance.

But, this absolutely does not work with happiness.

Ask any actor...


Personally, I can't even smile on cue for camera pictures.

(I could if method acting... in method acting, though - go with me here for a second - you "are the part". You are playing pretend and imagine something that makes you very happy, or "become the part". But once the show is over... the sadness returns. It was just a show. Our life is not a show. Not that Shakespeare was wrong about 'all the world's a stage', it is just it is a very real and permanent stage from birth to death... so, no, even if you were John Barrymore, faking happiness would not be a solution.)


We have real problems in life and need real solutions.

One of my brothers pointed out that the Oh God comment on this was actually dead on: 'to every top there is a bottom', every peak, a valley. I generally like to keep the "book metaphor" which is that we are as heroes in the plot of life and any heroics involves pain... love has a lot of pain to it. It is why people don't like to feel it. Because it scares them. They know with more love invariably will come more pain.

It is true.

But, we are called to love in an imperfect world, and as long as this world remains imperfect -- there will be pain.

Find ways to express your pain. Value it. Take it as your cross. 'It shows your strength'. In Christ, we are called to a Spirit of Strength, and we definitely will be given burdens, but we need to look at these positively... even in our deepest sorrow.

Try and find out what the source of the pain is and try and do something about it. God is close to the broken hearted. Put your pain up to God night and day as prayer to Him, remember He sees every moment of it.

Most people are afraid to feel pain, and they do not really live at all because of it. They fake happiness. It does not satisfy them.

Or their happiness is shallow.

 

[Bain_Adaneth]

I'm probably going to adapt this strategy of living soon. I wanted to hear other Christian's viewpoint on this though.

I've always been against it. Most people say faking it until you make it works; pretending to be happy actually can make you feel happy. I say, faking it is faking it; whether it works or not is irrelevant. At the end of the day, you put a mask on.

I've tried both sides. Pretending to be happy hasn't worked very well. Pretending I'm happy was to me like pretending an apple is an orange. No matter what you think, it's still an orange.

I also tried the other side recently. But that didn't go over too well either. Nobody likes a downer, and I've watched many good friendships fade as reality is never good for social purposes.

Hey, you're right pretending is pretending. You're the one to know cause you're doing it....sooo don't pretend. When you're really happy, you will know that you're really happy.


[ Most people say faking it until you make it works; pretending to be happy actually can make you feel happy. ]

Who are these people? Bonk them on the head for me, because their brains are missing. I've seen people like this....and it is so obvious that their whole lives are screwed up, but they fake it to make them look good, and it's just so sad and annoying. I used to have a friend like this who would smile all the time, but I know that inside her smile rotting away. Her life is okay, but since she wants to look better than others, she thinks her life sucks. And it's sad because people don't know what they have until it's gone.

I never paid much attention to my hair until I was losing it. So be glad for what you have and give thanks everyday that you have a place to live in, food to eat, money to buy things with, water to drink, and etc. There are so many things to be thankful about, we all just take advantage of them and forget that they mean anything.