Preparing for the first time

[nicodemus]

Hmm, I can see not doing it on the night of the wedding (mainly because of exhaustion), but I don't think I'll want to wait much longer than that. Neither do I think it's a good idea. The act of sex does physically join you together as you have been joined in marriage. Waiting too long could set a bad precedent in the marriage. (I'm speaking out of conjecture obviously, but I did want to offer that viewpoint up for consideration.)

The people I was talking about waiting weeks had an arranged marriage and only knew each other about six weeks before the marriage so I can certainly understand their hestitancy on the issue. They've been married several years now and are extremely happy together.

 

[tractrack-online]

Yep, that's certainly a much different situtation. I've been dating my fiancee for almost three years and won't be getting married for another year. By that time I think I'll be pretty ready (thus the reason for the thread

 

[ardeur]

I grew up extremely sheltered (homeschooled, the whole bit). My boyfriend and I are seriously considering marriage in the near future (a couple years). My problem is with talking about sex (not explicit) - I can't do it. I clam up and get all embarrassed. There are other topics I cannot approach for the same reason and this is bothering him. How do I overcome this?

 

[seekingsomething]

Hey ardeur
If you cant talk about sex then you should tell your boyfriend that and if he doesnt understand then you need to make sure that you DONT rush into anything. Im not sayin jump ship but becareful where its all steering, check your co ordinates before you make another move. Love in Christ x x x

 

[razzelflabben]

I have and do stuggle with talking to anyone about sex, or other personal matters. However, two things have helped me to get to the point where it is possible.

1. The power of the Holy Spirit.
2. Practise with smaller things and work up to the bigger things, like for example. Much milder emotions that I wanted to hide but should have shared, is a great way to practise intimacy.

 

[ardeur]

1. The power of the Holy Spirit.
2. Practise with smaller things and work up to the bigger things, like for example. Much milder emotions that I wanted to hide but should have shared, is a great way to practise intimacy.

Yes, that is how we're approaching it. He will stop talking about something if I indicate that it makes me uncomfortable. We start with milder topics until I become more comfortable. I think it's just my nature to keep those types of emotional or otherwise personal topics hidden within myself. It's not very convenient for those wanting to know me on a deeper level. I didn't consider praying for the power of the Holy Spirit in this situation. I will do that. Thank you.

 

[applepowerpc]

I'm engaged and having to deal with this same issue, about the first time.

I plan on taking the same approach, of dealing with the smaller things first, on the physical level. Just take our sweet time. It's like everyone says: in the heat of the moment, it's like all sense of morality can just get thrown out the window. But if you're married, well...cool.... If you're chicken and you've been making out on your honeymoon for 4 hours...you probably won't be chicken anymore.

 

[BethNpottersHand]

Hi. This is my first post. My boyfriend and I would like to be married by Spring 05 (just for a tiny bit of background on my interest in the post). We have a professor at our Christian college whom I greatly respect...this man has an incredible marriage and ministry. Anyway, he suggested to my boyfriend that we talk about sex within marriage, the first night, our thoughts etc at about one month before the wedding date. Also, I would like to give you the title of the book he suggests. It's called "Sheet Music" and it's by Kevin Leman. My Prof also suggests not reading the book until you are engaged (and then talk about it together one month before the wedding). One more thing....this advice is coming from a girl who holds to short engagements as wisdom (six to eight months). Hope that was helpful