Premarital sex?

[jonny94]

I don't know if this topic was before.
So, what do you think about premarital sex? Is this a sin or not?
This is what I think. Generally speaking, yes, it is a sin.
But, the question that attracted my attention is:what marriage really is? Is that just a Church ritual or something more?
For me, marriage is not just a ritual that is done in the Church. It is, before all, the communion of love between two persons. This is based on a fact that for centuries there hasn't been marriage in the Church. More about development of marriage in the Christian Church you can find here.

What's your opinion?

 

[HarborOrange]

My opinion is that premarital sex is awful because it just gets to the pinnacle of marriage and a couple's relationship before they've met the standards of commitment necessary for such an action.

Granted, I do not think that marriage needs to be a church ritual. That's kind of how it's traditionally done, which I don't have a problem with. However, if people wish to just get married to each other in the company of close family at say a national park, monument, etc... there's nothing wrong with that. I plan on having my wedding somewhere on a mountain, not in a church.

 

[Laurelflower]

I definitely think that purity until marriage is important. Marriage is announcing your commitment in front of God. How can you be truly committed to each other without God to hold you together?
Unfortunately, it seems like in the society we live in, losing your phone is more dramatic than losing your virginity.

 

[HarborOrange]

I definitely think that purity until marriage is important. Marriage is announcing your commitment in front of God. How can you be truly committed to each other without God to hold you together?
Unfortunately, it seems like in the society we live in, losing your phone is more dramatic than losing your virginity.

On that same note, it's almost become unpopular, in my observations at least, to practice abstinence. It's truly saddening.

 

[Laurelflower]

HarborOrange- It's very sad! With the dirty music that has become so popular though, it's no wonder people think less of purity. I saw some 6-10 year old's from a dance academy dancing to a song about pornography yesterday. No one else seemed to even think there was anything wrong with it!

 

[HarborOrange]

HarborOrange- It's very sad! With the dirty music that has become so popular though, it's no wonder people think less of purity. I saw some 6-10 year old's from a dance academy dancing to a song about pornography yesterday. No one else seemed to even think there was anything wrong with it!

Yep, it's horrendous. Unfortunately, it's become increasingly accepted to lose virginity before marriage. Celibacy has become a thing of the past in many ways, and people seem to think it's more of a recreational activity than anything else. Society is deeply messed up.
That is very sad, but not surprising to me... Most kids that age have their own computers and iPods, I wasn't even allowed to use the internet until I turned 13, lol.

 

[Gath]

To be honest, I think it's perfectly fine. Purposely suppressing natural desires isn't the right way to do things. (Assuming, of course, that those desires don't hurt others.)

 

[Laurelflower]

To be honest, I think it's perfectly fine. Purposely suppressing natural desires isn't the right way to do things. (Assuming, of course, that those desires don't hurt others.)

Hey Gath!
I know you're expressing a common view of most people these days!
However, natural desires aren't always the way to go. In fact, being a christian is all about turning away from natural "worldy" desires.
For example, anger is one natural desire. But wouldn't it be so much nicer if everyone suppressed their anger?

So, lets look at the ups/downs of this.

Why NOT to:
*For your future spouse
Most men prefer to get married to a virgin! same for women! Besides, think of all the jealousy a future spouse may towards all of those other people you gave yourself to.
*Safety from pregnancy/disease
You don't want those desires to hurt others, but what if you get a girl pregnant?
*God says not to!
God has never given me any advice that has hurt me so far. In fact, every law and commandment I follow has turned out to improve my life!

Why do it then?
The only thing I could think of, is for pleasure. But really, with so many risks involved.. why do it?

This video has been going around a lot lately. I don't know if you have seen it, but check it out and tell me what you think!

Sexual Healing - YouTube

 

[Gath]

Hey Gath!
I know you're expressing a common view of most people these days!
However, natural desires aren't always the way to go. In fact, being a christian is all about turning away from natural "worldy" desires.
For example, anger is one natural desire. But wouldn't it be so much nicer if everyone suppressed their anger?

Well, that's why I said 'assuming that desire doesn't hurt others'. Getting angry, of course, solves nothing and leads to problems, while sex can be fun (obviously) and help a relationship. I'm not saying that your relationship should be built around sex-but to be honest, it's the reason why you're attracted to other people anyway. Shoving it under the table isn't helping anyone.

So, lets look at the ups/downs of this.

Why NOT to:
*For your future spouse
Most men prefer to get married to a virgin! same for women! Besides, think of all the jealousy a future spouse may towards all of those other people you gave yourself to.

Well, that's a personal opinion. You should be aware of the fact that others may lose respect for you because of it, but you shouldn't not do things because you're worried about what others think. Besides, if you're really in love with a person, does it really matter what they did in the past? What's done is done, and you have to move on.

*Safety from pregnancy/disease
You don't want those desires to hurt others, but what if you get a girl pregnant?

Well, that's a very good reason not to. However, if you honestly go into sex without any idea of the consequences...I don't think that's a possibility in today's world. In fact, all of those shows that talk about teen pregnancy are doing the opposite of promoting it. It fact, in 2009 (latest available records) teen pregnancy was at its lowest point in 70 years! Admittedly, it still is high, but it's getting better.

*God says not to!
God has never given me any advice that has hurt me so far. In fact, every law and commandment I follow has turned out to improve my life!

God says a lot of things. So does Allah. And Zeus. And Odin. And Ra. But these are all personal beliefs, and while you may think it's wrong, an abstract unprovable concept is your reasoning. Also, it may make your life better, but other people don't have the same experiences. You shouldn't tell others that it's wrong to do something by that reasoning. You can think it's wrong, and it certainly is right to inform them of the consequences, but telling them that it's wrong is like telling a dog not to bark.

Why do it then?
The only thing I could think of, is for pleasure. But really, with so many risks involved.. why do it?

Why do anything? Sure, it does have risks. But you shouldn't be telling other people that it's wrong to do it because of your opinion. People should be informed of the risks and given the ability to make their own choice.

This video has been going around a lot lately. I don't know if you have seen it, but check it out and tell me what you think!

Sexual Healing - YouTube

Eh. Not bad, but it seems to imply (to me at least) that in all cases of premarital sex, a male is coercing a female who doesn't want to have sex into it. And that's just not true.

I guess that, in conclusion, my point would be that sex is a very important part of any relationship-in fact, it's the reason why said relationships exist. The only reason why we have boyfriends/girlfriends or husbands/wives is because of sex-if it wasn't for sex, they'd just be friends. It's an incredibly important part of your relationship-and the main thing that makes that relationship different from friendship-so to not address and experience it is foolish.

 

[Humble Pie]

I don't know if this topic was before.
So, what do you think about premarital sex? Is this a sin or not?

I can't judge

 

[snoopy500]

I say it's no good to have it before marriage but then again I mean if 2 people think there committed and ready then really I see no issue with it

 

[MasterpieceMesias]

Hey Gath!
I know you're expressing a common view of most people these days!
However, natural desires aren't always the way to go. In fact, being a christian is all about turning away from natural "worldy" desires.
For example, anger is one natural desire. But wouldn't it be so much nicer if everyone suppressed their anger?

heh heh, very bad logic. . . And no being Christian is not about suppressing natural desires. There's a huge difference between wanting to have sexual relations with someone (which is a natural desire) and the worldly desire of wanting to live a hedonistic lifestyle and sleeping with every attractive person you come across.

So, lets look at the ups/downs of this.

lool ok . . .

Why NOT to:
*For your future spouse
Most men prefer to get married to a virgin! same for women! Besides, think of all the jealousy a future spouse may towards all of those other people you gave yourself to.

how do you know that? Is there some study done on this?? 5 or 6 of your friends unanimously agreeing on this is not a true legit study of anything. Also, how do you know that you'll even ever meet some of your spouse's former sexual partners. I think that the few sensible people out there understand that some people loose their virginity to someone other than themselves. I'm going to mention this again in other replies but you really don't even know whether or not your partner is a virgin. I just don't get some people's morals, they're dumb. . . (no offense)

*Safety from pregnancy/disease
You don't want those desires to hurt others, but what if you get a girl pregnant?

being married is not some magical shield protecting you from disease or unwanted pregnancy. And if you don't want kids then use a condom/birth control married or not. Doesn't matter, marriage really doesn't protect from anything. Plus, if you're like me then you don't trust anyone's scruples besides your own. How do you even truly know whether or not your partner waited? They could have very easily lied, you don't know. You have to have some sort of blind faith in your partner to truly believe that they're a virgin when you two finally get in bed together. There is really no true way to tell whether or not someone's a virgin.

*God says not to!

no he didn't. . .

God has never given me any advice that has hurt me so far. In fact, every law and commandment I follow has turned out to improve my life!

that's good for you, then! . . .

Why do it then?
The only thing I could think of, is for pleasure. But really, with so many risks involved.. why do it?

Well gee. . . maybe because two people really love each other and decide to have sex and fulfill their own natural desires? Not everyone who has pre-marital sex is a lustful philanderer. Plus, there are risks either way, married or not. Like I said, you really don't know whether or not your partner is a virgin. It's blind faith is what it is. You can try to rationalize and find something all you want but in reality most people who say that their partners were virgins when married don't truly know anything, they have no real empirical evidence.

This video has been going around a lot lately. I don't know if you have seen it, but check it out and tell me what you think!

Sexual Healing - YouTube

this guy's an idiot. He really doesn't know what he is talking about. Some things I've heard him say makes a bit of sense but 75% of the time he talks out of the crack of his rear end.

 

[Tjc2496]

I don't know if this topic was before.
So, what do you think about premarital sex? Is this a sin or not?

I'm with you, premarital sex is a sin because the Bible says so. There is also plenty of statistics that show that having sex before marriage increases the rate of divorce, as well as increase the amount of infidelity within marriage. Let the haters hate! I got Jesus, and that's all that matters to me Just gotta remember what He said.
John 15:18-19
“If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you."

 

[MasterpieceMesias]

I'm with you, premarital sex is a sin because the Bible says so. There is also plenty of statistics that show that having sex before marriage increases the rate of divorce, as well as increase the amount of infidelity within marriage. Let the haters hate! I got Jesus, and that's all that matters to me Just gotta remember what He said.
John 15:18-19
“If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you."

. . . . . . .
yeah, it's funny because the Bible doesn't say so, there's no verse that specifically bans pre-marital sex. All of the verses and connections made are too vague and not even good enough to connect it directly to pre-marital sex.
And I bet those statistics aren't legit. Pre-marital sex does not increase divorce rates, extra-marital sex and neglecting your spouse's needs causes divorce.
Frankly I'd rather be having pre-marital sex like a rabbit with a committed and beloved partner then be having 'legal' sex with some jackoff who I married who cheats on me all the time and doesn't show interest in the relationship.

 

[HarborOrange]

There's an old saying I go by:

"If you have sex with someone, you have sex with everyone else they've had sex with."

It grosses me out so much that I can't even imagine having sex with anyone before marriage because I'd feel like I desecrated and defiled them, and I couldn't have sex with someone who slept around either...

 

[MasterpieceMesias]

There's an old saying I go by:

"If you have sex with someone, you have sex with everyone else they've had sex with."

It grosses me out so much that I can't even imagine having sex with anyone before marriage because I'd feel like I desecrated and defiled them, and I couldn't have sex with someone who slept around either...

lool
that's a lame reason to me. . . but hey, whatever floats your poop

 

[HarborOrange]

lool
that's a lame reason to me. . . but hey, whatever floats your poop

Honestly, if that was the only reason I didn't do it, then I'm one shallow moron. I'm just saying, it might help some people visualize how wrong it is.

For me, I just love my future wife enough (whoever she may be), that I don't want to sleep with some girl. Plus, I like to know that I have the mental strength to withstand sexual pressure.

 

[AfanofJesus]

I haven't really decided to go 100% on one position in this question - I'm still figuring out my opinion. Although I definitely see it as a problem if someone goes to partner after partner with the only goal of having sex - eventually I think it's likely that it will make this persons mind connecting a partner with sex. I think there is a point in almost all relations were you are getting tested in your relation since you are growing away from each other, not putting enough effort into your relation etc. In these cases I don't think that lust for sex is enough for you to stay together. Sure, why not then switch partner again? Well in my opinion there is some greater things than having sex that we supposedly need from a partner to live a good life.

Although if we figure a case where we have two "good Christians" falling in love with each other and having a good relation for a longer time really seeking for God's approval of their relationship and believing that it is all in God's will and they really make a good couple loving each other. Let's say they have a really poor economy and are pretty young and want to have their marriage in when they are in a better position to have the wedding they want - well then I find it hard to say with absolute certainity that they shouldn't have sex before marriage. I mean surely they can have some sort of inofficial commitment to each other in front of God if they are in a situation where they have been together for longer time but still not being able to have a wedding. I mean God knows our desires and hearts - if we are really honest to each other and praying for God leading in these questions I can't imagine how God would see it as a sin with sex.

I know there are many different cases that aren't as this at all but sometimes it seems to me that Christians are so sure about something and trust a quote from the Bible with all of their heart where they in the next moment neglects a quote from the same book etc. I don't think everything is black and white when it comes to this.

Btw. When you say sex, do you refer to vaginal penetration (I'm sorry if I express this in a way that ain't politically correct - but since I'm not a native speaker of English I have no sense of the right way to express this without making it sound "offending" if anyone is picky in here) or do you refer to all sorts of sexual pleasing between two partners?
I mean there are certainly cases where partners truly loves each other and believes they have God's approval without being able to have a wedding instantly. If they then feel that they don't want to have the "birth generating form of sex" until after marriage since they feel it's sacred (or in whatever way you express it). Do you then consider it a sin for them to please each other by kissing, touching etc. etc.?

 

[HarborOrange]

staff edit

No. You don't understand. Sex is a covenant on the most basic level... well actually, you might not understand because it's a very ancient principle that has been active since the beginning of time- just like the Threshold Covenant (which is different, but is actually the reason we carry brides over our thresholds- as a tradition.). Yet, this covenant is a blood covenant. When you have sex with a women, you are one with her as you spill her blood. You break a part of her that can never be replaced. Blood is life, it is said many times in Scriptures. Able's blood cried out from the earth at YHWH. He took it seriously. Therefore, if you go and have sex with a virgin prior to taking a lifelong covenant with her (marriage), then you are defiling her by means of shattering a blood covenant which should never be broken... You totally misunderstood what I was saying. You do not defile a women by raping her. Nor would I ever even consider doing such a vile and evil act. Rape is something that nearly occurred way too close to home for me. So, do not misunderstand or quickly take my words and twist them so that it sounds as if I consider sex an act of rape.
To me, sex is one of the most sacred and ultimate sacrifices you can make for anyone. It is not only for enjoyment. Out of love, you form a covenant with each other... but doing so should not be done outside of the spoken covenant of marriage.
Covenants are life. Covenant between man and God, women and man, and parents to children form the foundations of life. If you break such covenants, especially one that involved blood, you are shattering the very principles that make up the life that YHWH ordained for us to live.

Now, I have friends that have had premarital sex. I do not view them any differently than I view anyone else. I merely know that they have broken a covenant as old as time. It makes me sad, but I do not condemn them for it. I'm glad that your relationships have remained in tact... But, I can't imagine that having sex with them left the relationships entirely untouched.

 

[jonny94]

yeah, it's funny because the Bible doesn't say so, there's no verse that specifically bans pre-marital sex. All of the verses and connections made are too vague and not even good enough to connect it directly to pre-marital sex.

Exactly. I've never found a place in the scriptures where is explicitly said something(positive or negative) about premarital sex. There is only interpretation of some verses, based on one's opinion about this topic.
Also, what about Paul's words that a woman/man married to a non-christian can stay with him/her? Where is marriage in that case, when non-believer can not partake in holy communion and others sacraments?